My children are a waste of space. One in Spain and not a word except to ask for money, no idea where she even lives now as she keeps moving. Son, no contact since the funeral. Probably say he can’t afford to come the 14 miles to see me. Bet he can afford a pint and cigarettes though. Don’t I sound a misery but I get more compassion and love from my four legged ‘children’. Wish I’d had twenty dogs now and become the mad animal lady instead of bringing up two kids which I adored and always put first, even when their father walked out when they was toddlers. I kept a home together, worried my self sick about money, worked hard and provided, now I am just forgotten.
I must admit I don’t mind my own company and trying to find good things about being alone. I can do what I want when I want. I can eat what I want, when I want. Don’t have to do much shopping which I hate. So would I want my husband back. You bet I would but it’s not going to happen.
Try and have a good day Love to you all Pat xxxx
Hi Pat - I lhope be the way you write stuff - you make me laugh - I know what you say is true andcthis is why it is funny
Where do you live? If it wasn’t so far it would be nice meeting you!
My cats are also good company - but I can’t take them for a walk !!!
My day has been good - but since yesterday I have been crying a lot ! But that the way it is isn’t it??
Talking of pet owning…I once had three fur babies ( dogs ) the loves of my life…I often told Richard dogs come first in my life against any human being, he knew this as I remeber onece I was upstairs on the computer, and the downstairs alrm went off at the bottom of the stairs, well this was before my MS days, I of course jumped out of my skin, ran downstairs as quick as I could and got all three dogs leads hanging up in the hall, and was about to grab the dogs and go out the front door, as for Richard I would have left him to have fended for himself, we had often laughed over this…
Jackie…
I lost Gaz my husband aged 53 January 25th I miss him so much I have got good family but it’s not the same
This was the smoke alarm not the house alarm…
Cheryl, I also have a good family but as you say is not the same - and they can never occupy your husband’s place.
We just have to find different ways to create a new life - and I wished I knew how
Sadie xx
Hi Sadie I haven’t posted for a while but have been reading the comments. My husband died September 2017, I thought by now I would have been in a better place but sadly not. I do ok and then the least little problem throws me off course. My sons and one of the daughters in law are good, the other daughter In law doesn’t and hasn’t been any support at all, but I couldn’t do with a scene so just accept that she is the wife of my son, the mother of my grandchildren and the daughter of my best friends.
I haven’t been well this week dizzy spells and feeling really emotional . Been to the docs, blood tests ok, ears ok, sight test ok , think I need putting in a bag and shaking up.
I need a way to look forward but at the moment I am still taking I it a day at a time, fed up with dinner for one ,fed up with trying tire myself out so I sleep, and totally fed up pretending I’m ok to my sons as they have work etc.
I don’t t know the answer . Sorry for the moan.
XxJ
Ohhh June , you are not moaning - just saying how you feel - and I feel quite similar
I think all your health issues are not only physical - as the soul hurts and has pain so does our body. I know when I am less hurt and my feelings less raw I will all get physically better.
Jack died in October - am my any better?? Don’t know. The feeling of shock has gone, the desire he would open the door and come back
to me is not there any more because I know it won’t happen. But now I am more emotionally tired , more aware how hard I need to try to get some life back.
The thing is we just smile sweetly and say everything is just perfect !!!
Sadie xx
Hi Sadie. I live on the Isle of Wight, so a bit off the beaten track for visiting. Lovely Island for walking that’s why I’m lucky enough to get out so much with the dogs and meditate in the beauty of the countryside. It helps me so much.
Crying seems to be a big part of the grieving process, how do we ever stop…
I agree about health issues. I have never been really ill in my life but I do worry about my health now as aches and pains that I don’t understand keep appearing. I am worried to death that something will attack and I won’t be able to look after my dogs.
A year or so ago we was walking in Cornwall and I began to feel really weak and dizzy. I knew what it was as I had had it before. Balance of the inner ear. This time it was viral and I was being sick with the intense giddiness. The next day we was coming home by coach. I was so ill and Brian got me home, goodness knows how bless him. He kept trying to convince people that I wasn’t drunk. It took six weeks to clear. How on earth would I manage now I’m on my own if I get it again. These thoughts make me feel so vulnerable now. Pat xxx
I think Pat , the feelings NH of vulnerability is in all of us
I don’t feel safe as I used to with Jack around. My strength came from him, from knowing he was always there for me.
Now - I have to learn to be by myself !
Going to boxing tomorrow!! I love the boxing classes - will take ease but I look k forward to it
Sadie x
Hi Pat, I worry about my two dogs too. I have Sjögren’s and since Simon passed away I have had flare ups making me fatigued and aching. What if I can’t take them out? I couldn’t bring myself to let them go too. They are such a comfort to me. They know when I’m upset and they sit on me for a cuddle. I am just so tired at the moment. Janet x
Janet…
…oh I do sympathise with you, I too have an auto-immune, attacking the body disease, i too have be careful of flair-ups, and it was Richard who had to walk our dog which I have now re-homed to a large house, a mid age working couple with a dog of their own, I was told by people on our parkhome site that she knew Richard, had met Richard and our dog on many occasions so I jumped at this chance, I know I have made the right choice, he the dog is not far, just outside our parkhome, large house through an alley, their house is the first house in the lane so not far but too far for me to walk with my MS…so far they haven’t come back to visit me…The dogs cocker spaniel was very close to Richard, was not close to me so I couldn’t allow him to pine for him…
Jackie…
Hi. June. I know! My wife died last November and it’s still hard going. But we will survive. Anxiety, which is common in bereavement, can bring on all sorts of physical problems. Dizziness is a very common symptom. Feeling emotional is part of the bereavement process, well it’s bound to be. Some of us try to lose the emotions by fighting them, trying to overcome them in some way. But emotions can’t be put aside in our situation. Let them come, but at the same time try and see them for what they are, a perfectly natural process. There Is no time limit because everyone will take the time they need. It depends on your temperament and the depth of suffering. Little things ‘trigger’ off emotions. Sounds, sights even smells can do it. But all things pass. That may not be any consolation to you now, but it may make sense later. Blessings, and my sincere hope that you may begin to feel better. Great site and great people. Stick with it.
Hi. June. I know! My wife died last November and it’s still hard going. But we will survive. Anxiety, which is common in bereavement, can bring on all sorts of physical problems. Dizziness is a very common symptom. Feeling emotional is part of the bereavement process, well it’s bound to be. Some of us try to lose the emotions by fighting them, trying to overcome them in some way. But emotions can’t be put aside in our situation. Let them come, but at the same time try and see them for what they are, a perfectly natural process. There Is no time limit because everyone will take the time they need. It depends on your temperament and the depth of suffering. Little things ‘trigger’ off emotions. Sounds, sights even smells can do it. But all things pass. That may not be any consolation to you now, but it may make sense later. Blessings, and my sincere hope that you may begin to feel better. Great site and great people. Stick with it.
Janet I am so sorry. I don’t know what the illness you have is I’m afraid but it does sound debilitating. Of course you don’t want to give up your dogs. I think it would just about finish me off if I lost Beepa and Bugsy. They are now my soulmates. My 10 yr old great grandson told me this week that when I die (thanks) he will look after Beeps and Bugs for me. I said his parents might have something to say about that as they already have two dogs. He assured me he didn’t care as he loved my dogs and they love him. He’s such an animal lover and so gentle with them.
What sort of dogs do you have do they need lots of walking.
Pat xxxx
Such a pity that your dogs new owners haven’t offered to bring the dog to see you.
Now I’m getting more idea’s about helping people that have dogs, live alone and find themselves unable to walk their dogs because of illness, such a pity to have to give up a much loved companion. I am always out walking my dogs and could help out local people in this situation. Another dog with me won’t make much difference. Something else to look into.
Hi pat - how nice of you to do this dog walking !!
Sadie x
Hi Pat. Thanks for the reply. It’s lovely to hear your grandson is so kind. Sjorgrens is an autoimmune syndrome, so I have to many antibodies in my blood and they start attacking the healthy bits in your body, like eyes, mouth, skin and organs. Just seen my consultant and the good news it that everything is stable. We had always had dogs and our last one passed Jan 2018. I said I couldn’t go through the pain of losing anymore so I didn’t want any more. Simon said the house is too quiet and persuaded me to look. We always had rescue dogs, and he found one on our local rescue place. He was a street dog in Spain. He is a beagle cross called Baxter. Then Simon said let’s get him a friend. She is jack Russell crossed with chihuahua called Cassie. We did have five dogs at one time! Baxter has been a bit of a challenge not having been on a lead or in a home. They do have a great time in the garden, chasing each other, but I feel guilty if I miss a day of not taking them out. We only had the eight months before Simon passed away in November. I don’t know how I would have coped without them. I miss Simon so much every single day.
Janet x
That is a great idea Pat.
Janet x
Hi Katie, my Husband passed 15 months ago been together 60years and married 58 have one Daughter no grandchildren, when I say that ive been lonely I am told there are millions like you your not on your own, It does me in just want a few kind words but never get them, So we all have to move on as best as we can but God is it a struggle when you lose your loved ones its like amputation without the blood, Take care thinking of everyone going through this nightmare, Love Pammi xx