Just reading the forums sometimes helps - and usually brings on the tears as we feel for others on here and can relate to their stories as we are all in this same awful place. When we think of our futures and make our plans - never do we consider we will be doing it alone - and yet every couple will suffer the same. There is always one left (well nearly always) - and nothing prepares us for it.
I know I find the replies uplifting and if I can relate to the post - I do try to reply - but only if I think something I say will help. Grief is exhausting and lonely. Everyone I speak to has found this forum to be a life saver - there is nothing quite like it and I feel I have made some good friends on here.
Take care
Hi
I try to read the posts when I can and reply if I can help. I dont expect replies as posts are easily missed or will feel like me. Most of the time everything that can be said is being said. How I feel has been so well writen by others which shows how similar intense grief is . As well as our loneliness, frustrations and fears and how much we miss our loved husbands or wives.
Today, I am in a very, very dark place. It’s my darling’s 7th month since he left and I cannot believe still that I am not going to see if hear him again. I hope that one day I will have some of the experiences mentioned in the posts and my darling will communicate with me in some form. I just want to know that he is ok. (He went too soon too quick ) and after 30 years together I miss him dearly. Life is meaningless without him but I am trying my best.
De…
…I too am awaiting on Richards comunications with me, if only to put my mind at rest, put me out of my missory that he does-did truly know that I did-do love him…
Yes our beloved partners are at rest, we are the ones who are not at reast, we are the ones who are suffering with their loss…There is not a day that goes past that something reminds us of something…even a glass orbament i will focus my eyes on, yet it site in the same place every day but, I will focus on it and tell my Richard that I remember the day we bought it, it was one of our early holidays soon after we first met, only I cant remember if it was the lake district or was it Devon, just remember the two of us buying it and bringing it home as a souvenir, putting it in our first home, our happy home, our lively home with our three fur babies…
Hi
Sorry to hear your sad story.
I know how you feel as my husband died 4 months ago and I have been alone all the time. We have no family just friends who have their own families.
I dont think a day has gone by when I havent had a tear, its so lonely.
At least you have had your son with you a while which must have been a god send to you when you first lost your husband.
I have found this web site so useful, being able to put ones feelings down and getting lovely messages from people. Its a shame you live so far away, if you keep the messages going you may find that other people who are messaging live near you.
Be strong, take care and keep the messages coming Love Sue
Thank you Sadone and for your good memory. My son lived with us for about 6 years and after my husband died he was supportive and helpful but after the first 6 months he became less so and argumentative and, although I suggested that grief might be making him feel that way and would he come to a family mediation centre with me, he refused to do so. I really wanted for us to get back to how things were then he suddenly announced about leaving 100 miles away and I feel very hurt as we have done a lot for him in the past, like paying off debts, taking him and his belongings to various parts of the UK - things that many parents do because they love their children. I want to stay in my home because it holds so many memories and I love it and having my son there in the house made me feel more secure and I wanted his company to get back to how it was.
Thankfully, where my house is is reasonably close to a doctor, a dentist, a hospital , supermarkets etc so location is ideal. I just need to feel more secure at night and to make more friends, which is why I was asking if anyone else lived in the north of Scotland but thanks for replying. xx
Thank you Sue and I’m sorry to hear you are in the same situation.The site is a great help in that you realise how so many people share the same problems even though everybody has a different story to tell. I think it must be a whole lot easier if you have family nearby as it’s the loneliness that builds up. Love Jacqi xx
Evening Kate
Hope you don’t mind me messaging you. Couldn’t remember if I had already sent you a message, sorry if I have.
Sorry to read its only been 9 weeks since your loss, mine is 18 weeks… I live alone and have no family at all. Its so hard ah!
Like you say and I agree, this forum has been a life saver. Its so good to be able to write down how you are feeling and the moods you go through and to find out that others are going through the same as you and that you are not alone. There are some very lovely people on this site.
I just hope like you that things get easier in time but wonder if it does.
It would be so nice if we could all get together and comfort each other as thats what we all need.
Take good care Love Suex
Thanks Jackie. I hope we get our communication soon…Can’t wait
I am at the stage where happy memories are stored for another time. All I think is about the sad situation I am in and how much I miss him. Can’t stop telling him every time how much I love him.
Like you i also think it’s all over, but perhaps one day we could turn our feelings into a thanksgiving for having them in our lives. But at the moment it impossible to think they are gone.
Lets hope for personal peace and think your Richard is looking after you from where he is. And hope my darling is also doing the same
Sue I don’t mind if you write every day and it’s hard to remember all the replies we’ve sent. I do believe the loneliness makes things a lot worse but what can we do we are already out ofour comfort zone being alone and although I try to join clubs like keep fit it doesn’t stop me wanting Colin it only passes less alone time. Things will never be the same and I guess we have to get used to it. Much love Kate xxx
To everyone who posts on here, I do thank you, I don’t always reply as others have stated but relate to everything you wonderful people say, as someone said you don’t know what it’s like until you experience it for yourself, I miss my hubby terribly only 2 months ago, time is going so slowly, days are endless, I have joined clubs and do get out, can’t stand the loneliness in the house all day. But when I’m out I’m looking for him, I wear my sunglasses all the time, as I know I will break down extremely easy over anything. Comfort when I talk to people about him, but walking back into the house it’s heartbreaking, quiet too bloody quiet, all our lovely things, we chose together, I touch things he’s touched, his photos are everywhere, I can remember when we first met, all the excitement of getting ready, stepping into his car, laughing,him telling me how lovely I looked, our goodnight kisses, didn’t want to be apart. Married for 42 years 3 lovely children (who have been golden to me) my lovely grandchildren also 3 I have been truly blessed. My heart is breaking, tears all the time, how can this be happening to me, we had a good life quiet, family time, where has it all gone, I can’t remember the middle years, as I said I remember the early courtship and I can recall all the hospital appointments, all the times I called the ambulance and relive the last few days of my beloveds life. It a wrench so if I don’t reply it doesn’t mean I don’t care, people on here get it, you understand it all. It does help reading, you have become friends.
Hi, I do feel for you.
Your life is changed and completely turned upside down .
It is 8 months since Jack died , and the feeling of loneliness is always present! I miss him all the time !
It is a different life, a life without the person that was/is so dear to me. I have lost half of me - I don’t feel whole. The initial shock has passed but I am still numb.
I am frozen - my feelings are frozen - not an ounce of joy just the feeling that I am alone.
We have 4 children and 4 grandchildren which are so supportive but …
This forum will help you. It is good to share with people that understand how you feel
I have come to the conclusion that whatever way you try to look at it widowhood sucks
That’s it
End of story
I read somewhere that rock bottom is the solid foundation on which to build your life . Not sure if it was J K Rowling
Can’t be bothered to check
Anyway I have tried all sorts of tricks to get my head around what has happened and try to be positive and carry on but at the end of the day our loved ones are dead . They are never coming back and we just have to get on with it
What a pile of poo but that is the reality of the situation
Where we go from here I don’t know but I’m sure your Jack and my Mark would want us to try to make the best of our situations even though we are without them
So that’s what we will have to try to do
Don’t know what your plans are for today
I am going to work , seeing to the animals , seeing to my mum but by teatime I will be facing another Saturday night on my own cos my children are busy with their own stuff …two of them are walking up Snowdon fundraising for a diabetes charity which I thoroughly approve of …but it doesn’t stop me from feeling down in the dumps without the presence of my lovely husband
Anyway we will get through our days one way or the other won’t we ?
We always do
But it is such hard work and makes everything seem pointless
Perhaps life is ultimately pointless and we never realised it till now but I don’t think that is the case really because if we had Jack and Mark back now we would be happy in an instant
It’s the luck of the draw
We were lucky to have had them and unlucky to have lost them and they were unlucky not to have lived longer
Hope you find something nice to occupy yourself with for at least part of today
We can but try
Can’t really think of anything nice that grabs me but I will try
Maybe that’s why so many people who have lost loved ones reminisce because the nicest times they have experienced in their lives are in the past but it makes living in the present seem like a waste of time
We must try to make new memories then
Different types of memories with different people doing different things
I haven’t got to that stage yet because I am so attached to my husband and my previous life . Maybe I never will
Perhaps we will just have to get used to living a half life
One foot in the past and one foot in the present , with half of us gone missing as well . It’s no wonder we are struggling !
Dear Romy
You are absolutely right! I am also doing all I can to keep occupied and positive but at the same time I give myself permission and time to recognise and feel my loss
I don’t think life will be ever great but … who said life has to be great?
I do like the saying about rock bottom!! And I suppose that is what is happening to us
I know Jack and Mark are proud the way we are coping.
Weekends are hard . 2 of my kids are here with me part of the day and they are lovely but they also have other things to do
I am not talented, but I started doing cross stitch it helps my mind to settle and calm fown and very useful at the weekends
Morning
Loved reading your message.
We all feel like you the loneliness, the empty feeling when you return from a day out.,the feeling that you will burst out crying and you do at the drop of a hat.
You are a lucky one to have lovely children and grandchildren. I have no one, no family at all just friends who have been lovely but feel so lonely all the time. I hate this life and just feel that I am going from day to day existing. I have been married 42 years and lost Mike in January. Like you I miss my Mike so much. Just hope things get better in time.
I must agree with you that this web site has been a life saver to me. To be able to write down how you are feeling and to know that others feel just like you.
If only we all lived nearer each other so we could all meet up and be friends and comfort each other at our worst times. But that goodness for this site.
Be strong, take care and keep messaging when you can. Love Suex
Morning Kate,
Good to hear from you.
Like you I have joined clubs to pass the days. I have no family but lovely friends but they have their own families.
I find that some of the day clubs for the over 60’s seem to be for the over 90.s and I feel more depressed after I have been there.
I try and go out every day but get sad when I return to an empty flat.
Life is so hard ah and you obviously miss your Colin so much and I miss my Mike so much too… Like you say life will never be the same and we must hold on to the fact that we have been lucky with our Colin and Mike in our life. It is so hard though.
Be strong Kate, take care keep these messages coming especially I find when you are going through that horrid low time this service is so helpful knowing people are out there who care. We need as much comfort as we can get ah! love Suex
I know how you feel I have been in the garden trying to do things my John did I lost him 1year and a half ago and sadly had to put our beloved dog to sleep 3 weeks ago the house feels so empty now as our dog Brodie kept me going for years when John was ill ,feel so depressed and our 2 daughters don’t seem to understand the impact of all of this has had on me,the odd phone-call or rare visit and as I have no brothers or sisters the loneliness is terrible and I hate these weekends they seem to make things worse,my friends all still have their husbands so not much they can do,it is a very lonely life and I hope things will get better for everyone,will not be cheering you up much,but hope things will get easier for you,I am east Scotland so
not near enough to you.
Take care everyone
Brenda
xx
Hi there its 9 weeks for me and I really don’t want to be here without Colin. I scan crowds and cars though I know he’s not there. I pretend I’m holding his hand and what I’d give to be doing that now. My friend is away the weekend with her partner and she hopes she can suffer him. OMG I am so jealous I would love to be with Colin anywhere. Nothing but to get on with it. I am hoarse crying and screaming into cushions. I go to the spiritualist church which I’ve never really done before because I want to know he’s there waiting for me. I am so sorry you’re going through the same I hope this gets easier and the knife in my stomach goes soon. Speak soon. Love Kate xx
Brenda, I know how you feel! I find weekends and evenings very hard too!!
I liv the n greater London!! Anyone there lives in greater London?
Lots of activities are during the week!! And I also think that the lonely feeling starts s there for ever
Kate my lovely, the empty feeling , the loniless the longing never goes away - we just learn to live with it.
We learn to accept that things won’t change, time can not wind back , and we have to learn to do the best we can!
Some days are better than the others! Jack died 8 months ago! I miss him everyday, I feel guilty that I have been to places he never has - like a new cake shop I just went to - etc etc
Life will never be the same again
or what to want t
May be this Not what you want to hear but this is the way it is .
Sorry Kate, but our lives are forever changed !! We hav to learn to live again and it will be a different life with a big black hole
I am working, I have 3 very loyal friends and my 4 kids are very supportive and very present in my life … but as you know it is not the same
When Jack died I died with him - I am now this new woman that is uncertain which path to take and that don’t feel safe!!
I don’t want to sound negative - I know that I will make a good laugh de for me because if Jack were here he would be saying to me “c’mom woman get on with it and live well”