Hi Twilight
I’m so sorry for your loss, my husband Jack died 10 weeks ago tomorrow. I know how you feel as does everyone on this forum, I’m up after another sleepless night, feeling panicky and breathless. Like you I’m not coping at all, I’m here all alone, I’m very frightened everyday. My family seem to think that I should be better by now, but I’m not. Next Monday I’ve got a telephone assessment with a counsellor, then I’ll have to go to see someone face to face. It’s being done through my doctors, I’m hoping it’ll help. I did speak to Cruse last week, I spoke to a lady for 75 minutes. She did suggest getting in touch with my local Cruse, but they were closed on Friday. Sorry to sound so negative, you are in my thoughts as is everyone on this forum, you are not alone, it helps a little to be able to say how you feel knowing so many can understand. Warm regards,
No one can tell you it’s time to 'feel better ', and certainly not yet. The counsellor I’m seeing told me to allow myself to only do what I feel like doing and it doesn’t matter if some days I don’t want to get up.
Everything feels frightening, though and the future very bleak.
I’ve managed to change the bed today, which has been a big step for me. I don’t want to change anything in the house, it is all part of Paul.
I do hope the counsellor helps, we are all thinking of you
Hi Janet I’m sorry to hear of your loss also people don’t understand what we r going through I cry every night and I am frightened at night also it’s my worst time as I’m all alone I hope you get the help you need from the counsellor wish you all the best xx
Dear Tilly,
Thank you for getting in touch, I’m finding things very difficult, I’ve not been doing my housework, everything is too much for me. It’s awful cooking for one, I’ve been getting a lot of ready meals. Not that I feel like eating much, I never sleep properly so I’m tired all the time. Maybe in time I’ll be able to do more, it sounds like good advice to only do what you feel like doing. My daughter took me to the shops this afternoon, but I’m back here alone again. There’s so many reminders of Jack, I often go to the wardrobe and just look at his clothes. At least the counselling has got in touch with me, so it’s another step forward. I’ll be thinking of you and everyone.
Hi Twilight
Thank you for getting in touch, being alone is so frightening. I dread going to bed, I always leave the light on, I can’t be in the dark anymore. I cry such a lot even when I’m out, I want you to know you are not alone. Keep posting on this site it does help a bit, especially to know so many others can understand what we’re all going through. I’ll have to see how the counselling goes, at least they’ve got in touch with me. Warm regards,
Dear Janet,
Yes, I think it’s important not to push yourself.
I am living on ready meals but tonight I had an overwhelming flood of tears that just came from nowhere, as I was eating. I can’t explain these feelings and can’t control them.
I don’t do any housework and wash one dish, plate and cutlery, the loneliness is always there in everything I can see.
I’m seeing the counsellor attached to the hospice, this week , and I know I’ll just sit and sob.
Dear Tilly,
I know what you mean about tears I cry most of the time, my daughter took me to the supermarket this afternoon. I got the usual ready meals, I cried as I was remembering that Jack and I used to go shopping there every Thursday. Everyone keeps asking where is he? I was staring at the bench where he always used to sit reading his paper, waiting for me to finish shopping. I felt that terrible loneliness, knowing that he was no longer with me. I hope the counselling helps, I’ll be the same as you when I get to see mine. Crying so much that’ll it be hard to communicate with them, thinking of you and everyone, take care,
Hi Tilly and Janet
Before my husband passed away he was working so hard for me and my family to go on holiday to Lanzarote in April everyone told me to go still as it wold do me good .I am not looking forward to it as my husband was supposed to be coming but he won’t be now it will be a emotional holiday for me I just don’t know how I will cope xx
I know what you mean Twilight. My husband and I were going to Edinburgh in April and Paris in May both with the U3A. I’ve cancelled both as I can’t face going on my own. I’ll have to go to our caravan alone too but I suppose at least I’ll have the dog. We were going to have a nice year this year because last year was a bad one as our son was in and out of hospital with health problems xx
I do feel for you Frances it must be awful for you I will have family with me on holiday but won’t be the same as having my husband with me I am thinking of getting a dog after holiday for company as I’m all alone at home xx
Hi Twilight, FrancesHazel & everyone,
It’s so heartbreaking being alone without our beloved husbands, holidays are another reminder. Whether you stay at home or go away, it won’t be the same without him. Jack and I hadn’t been away for a few years, he became unable to manage holidays. I wouldn’t go away on my own, I may consider going with family. I think that’ll be a very long way off, as I’m not coping at all well at the moment. Thinking of you and everyone warm regards,
Twilight I think it would be good for you to get a dog. I don’t know what I’d have done without mine. He makes me go out of the house and he is company. Xx
Hi Tilly,
I’m up after another sleepless night, I know what you mean about people coming and expecting you to be sociable. My daughter, grandson & niece came and I was just sitting there not saying anything, while they were all talking around me. People just don’t understand what we’re all going through.
I’m feeling very low today, it is the constant reminders that make me upset, I was sorting through some old papers and seeing Jacks name on so much of it, I broke down and cried.
I’ll be trying to get through another day, I’m not coping very well at all. I’ll be thinking of you and everyone on this forum, take care.
Hello, Janet. I was touched by your posting because that is exactly how I feel. Whenever I visit family, they sit around talking past me about their holiday plans and other things and I just want to go home. But when I do and have to face the empty flat, I then wish I were elsewhere. I am very tired of feeling like this and, as you say, it’s the little things that set us off. Like shopping and seeing the items my husband used to like, or finding little notes he used to write to himself so that he wouldn’t forget something. I struggle to get through each day, as I know you do, and I sometimes wish I could just go and see him again. I have never dreamed about him, which upsets me, but my Cruse Counseller tells me that isn’t unusual. I hope that as the days get longer and warmer, we may all begin to feel a bit better. Take care. Eileen xx
Hello Eileen
I always dread coming back home after being out, like you say you want to go home, then when you do it’s so desolate and lonely you want to be elsewhere. Sometimes I feel so upset I don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t dreamed about Jack, not that I ever sleep that much. I’ve got a telephone assessment with a counsellor next Monday, then I’ll have to see someone face to face. They’ve sent me some emergency numbers if I need some help before. I’ve been in a terrible state quite a few times, I’ve had a lot of ailments just lately, I’m told it’s all down to grief. I’m hoping too that we will all start to feel better, I’m thinking of you and everyone on this forum. Take care
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so bad. I know how awful it is to try and sort papers. My husband kept everything but I’m having so much trouble finding all the relevant information that all the various agencies need.
It’s so upsetting to find handwritten notes which seemed so important to him and I feel I’m letting him down by being so useless at understanding what he meant.
I’m trying to do what the counsellor suggested and just do a bit each day and just stop if it becomes overwhelming and cry when I need to.
I spend a lot of time in bed . I put the electric blanket on and read and try not to think too much.
I’m thinking of you and sending hugs and I do understand at least some of your pain. We are all different but suffering similarly,
Hi Tilly it is hard for us at the moment anything will start me crying at the moment I go to bed with the blanket on and read I feel more secure there for some and no reason why it is still early days for us and we have to take each day as it comes coming on here has helped me a lot to talk to you all as you all know how I feel going through the same thing as me
Hello Tilly,
It’s reassuring to hear from you, it’s so stressful having to do everything, phone calls and paperwork to be sorted. It’s another difficult job that has to be done, I’ve let Jacks niece have the car as I can’t drive. I cried as she drove it away.
I’m trying not to do too much, I feel so tired all the time. I never sleep properly any night, like you I have the blanket on and I listen to talking on the radio, I always leave a light on.
I’ll be thinking of you as well and I know you understand this awful pain. Sending you hugs,