Dear Eileen,
I wish there was something it could do to help. Life must seem very cruel and painful.
We miss our husbands terribly but, for me, the thought of my greatest love and friend, becoming old and infirm, now seems awful. It’s not much consolation I know, but it’s all I can hold onto.
I hope you gain some comfort here.
We’re all thinking of you ,
X Chris
Thank you, Chris. You are right about the prospect of getting old and infirm. When the coroner read out the medical report to me, he said that, had my husband survived, he would have been totally disabled and unable even to see. So, however much I miss him, I could never wish him back as he would have hated it. It’s not much consolation but, in my darkest moments, I try to think about that, and it somehow eases the pain. I have had a lot of comforting messages on here which has helped me through the day. Once tomorrow is over I may feel a bit better, except for facing the anniversary of his death on 8th June. Warm wishes and thank you. Eileen xxx
Thank you, Vonnie. Eileen xx
Dear Eileen,
Oh how awful to have to hear all that. It must have felt as though they were talking about a stranger , dreadful for you.
You’ve had such a bad time, is there any treat you could give yourself ? Bill would have wanted you to
Hello, Tilly. As soon as I have had my cataracts done I am going to treat myself to a holiday, maybe even a cruise. At the moment I don’t want to put off the op as my eyesight is poor. Yes, Bill would be happy for me to do something special. He never wanted to cruise so we never did. I think somewhere like Europe on one of the rivers would suit me. Something to look forward to. Eileen xx
Hi Eileen been thinking of you today hope you are as ok as you can be Laura xxx
How is everyone doing Laura xxx
I spent today with my mother in law. We bought some plants and got them into her garden. Some crying over our shared memories. Feeling down and trying to watch TV. Hope you are ok. xx
Hi. It’s now 8 months since my husband died on the cruise. It would have been his birthday on Saturday, I got through Xmas and our wedding anniversary and I know that like you, if my husband had survived he would have hated to have not been independent, but it’s hard for us.
We booked whilst on board last year, to go on a trip this coming weekend on that ship, with our 2 boys and their families as he felt it would be an opportunity,because of his failing health to have the family holiday together We are still going to do that. The grandchildren are super excited… I have very mixed emotions and it sounds crazy but I feel a little scared. Yes I am there with my family and one daughter in law is very understanding but the other is going through a worrying time with her own father who has a terminal complaint, although he is ok at the moment, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to know or hear my woes, not that she has ever asked how I am anyway.
I Really don’t know how I will be, I don’t want to spoil it by being emotional but like now I can’t stop the tears as I am writing this. I am fed up with saying I’m ok just so I don’t stress the family out cos they have work and their own grief, I am trying hard to do other things but when it comes back to it I just want my husband back and things how they were…we were fine. I am so,glad of this forum because we can say what we fell instead of saying what people want to hear. Sorry for the rant .not in a good place at the moment.
Jx
Hi, Laura. Well I have managed to get through the last two days without too much trouble, although plenty of tears.p I did get to see my two sons but one daughter lives in Bournemouth and the other in Australia. I find it very difficult to show how I really feel in front of them as I know they are still missing their Dad. At least on here, we can say how we really feel whilst bawling our eyes out if we wish. Today, I had the urge to stay in bed all day but have forced myself to get up, shower, get dressed and put my make-up on. Now what? Well, off to the library to read the papers for an hour, then people-watching in the square. After that, goodness knows. Like many others on here, I look forward to bedtime and oblivion for a few hours. I take an anti-depressant tablet an hour before and it helps me to sleep.
Thank you, Laura, for your concern. I have been moved by the lovely messages I have had on here and Facebook.
Warmest wishes for a peaceful and stressless day.
Eileen xx
Hi, June. Your last paragraph struck chords with me as I am also fed up with trying not to show how I really feel in front of family. They all seem to think I am doing well. Little do they know what is going on inside me when the longing for my husband takes over and all I want to do is go and join him. I miss him so much, and would give everything I possess to have him back. As I am approaching my 87th birthday, I find some consolation in the fact that I probably don’t have many years left in which to grieve for him. Who knows?
Take care, and warm wishes from Eileen xx
Hello June,
It must seem a huge mountain to climb, to go on this cruise. Everything is frightening and you probably feel on your own even with the family.
I hope you get the chance to mourn on your own during the cruise and come back a bit more relaxed and wanting to go on.
Take care and we’ll be thinking of you,
X Chris
Hi Chris thank you for your reply. The thing is that I my daughter in laws father and mum are our friends and we they were to,be with us on the cruise last September when I lost my husband. They couldn’t go because of her dads diagnosis. I feel that she isn’t interested how I am but I should consider her situation, which I do greatly because it’s upsetting for me as well, but it’s all very tense, my son has lost his dad and her dads not got a bright future. We have known for 2 years that my husband would was in a managed decline. Oh well got to get on going to water a friend plants as they are away thanks for your thoughts
Jx
Hi Eileen and everyone
Today is my wedding anniversary decided not doing anything special to mark it just can’t seem to push myself to do anything visited the doctor yesterday and he confirmed that I am suffering from neuralgia from stress so he has put me on small dose of anti depressant and told me I am worrying so much about my children that I am not grieving myself told me not too push myself if I don’t feel like it so so sad today but trying to get through thinking of you all glad you got through last couple of days Eileen was thinking of you Laura xxxx
Hi Laura,
I’m so glad your doctor has given you the tablets. You may not like taking them and it will take time for them to kick in but I’m sure you’ll be able to cope more easily . It won’t make everything better but if you can only get a bit more peace it will help.
He’s right, you don’t have to push yourself, just do enough to get by until you start to feel a bit more in control,
X Chris
Hello, Laura. I’m sorry that you have to face another stressful day. Glad you are taking your GP’s advice. I don’t like taking anti-depressants but they help me to get to sleep so I am staying on them for a while longer. This sad journey seems never ending, and at the moment, I just cannot see through the fog.
Have a peaceful day if you can. Speak again soon. Eileen xx
So sorry to hear about what’s happening Laura. Do take care of yourself and remember we all need to do whatever it takes to get by. Thinking of you and everyone on the forum today and hoping for some peace for us all. xx
Hi Laura
I hope you are managing to reflect on some happy memories today even though they will be tinged with sadness. I’m sure like most of us you will be reliving your Wedding Day when you arrived at the church, when you said your vows and when you walked back down the aisle as a married couple. Even though Ian will not be here to share it with you, the day will always be your ‘Special Day’ full of happy memories.
It is my sister’s birthday today. She sent me a text this morning to say how sad she was that Dale Winton’s funeral was taking place today (his birthday too). We remember him with much affection. A few years ago we all had lunch with him and Barbara Windsor and some other stars. It was a wonderful afternoon. When Dale realised it was my sister’s birthday on the same day as his he made a real fuss and went round all the tables with her introducing her as his ‘twin’ and telling everyone they were born on the same day. I recently found the photos of that afternoon. Some lovely ones of my husband Geoff with Dale and Barbara (Windsor.)
I have just watched the Remembrance Service from Manchester Cathedral for the people killed and injured in the bombing at the Arena a year ago. It was so beautiful and so moving. Prince William did a reading. The hymns were my favourites - ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Be Still My Soul’. When it came to the choir singing ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ my tears started to flow. The sermon reminded everyone to not tell grieving people to ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’ but to offer care and comfort for as long as it takes.
Everyone on this site is never far from my thoughts. Even though we’ve never met and it is the loss of our partners which has brought us together, a close bond has developed and being able to reach out to each other when we need to is such a comfort.
Thinking of you all
Yvonne
Thankyou so much for all your kind messages I honestly don’t know how I would have got through last few months without the support of this forum I will always be so grateful to you all Thankyou so much Laura xxx
Hi Everyone
I just had to post on here as I am so shocked. I just bumped into someone I know at the local Sainsburys. The last time I saw her was six months ago after my husband had died. I was a complete mess then and had a panic attack in the coffee shop. First, she said how well I looked ( must be better than the last time) and then she went on to ask me if I was “meeting any men now” and smiled. My mouth fell open I didn’t know what to say. People really have no idea what we are all going through.
The worst thing is this woman trained to be a counsellor.
Hope you are all managing to get through another day. Sometimes it’s just so hard.
Yvonne