It is so sad for children to lose a parent but they will grow and eventually find loving partners. Meanwhile we will go on grieving and being alone
Hi ladies and Bryan,
This forum is a lifesaver for all of us. What we’re going through is really horrific.
Your worst nightmare couldn’t be any worse. At least you wake up and realise it was just a bad dream.
I don’t know about anyone else on here but if someone asks me how I am, I hear myself saying I’m ok. When really I’m anything but. On this forum we can be completely honest and say well no actually I feel worse every day, and everyone here will understand. We can all be ourselves and Im sure that has to be better for us than pretending ,because some of the times we are saving other peoples feelings, so they won’t worry about us so much. I honestly dont know where I would be without it.
Love Sandra
Hi Sheila, If you say you’re greedy that’s something I’m guilty of because 50 years wasn’t enough for me I wanted more. Yet I keep telling myself that he’s not suffering anymore. Yet the pain I feel overides even that which I feel guilty about. I feel as if I’m being punished too, it must be the price we have to pay for loving someone so much. I hope you feel better after you get out for a while tomorrow Sheila,
Love Sandra
Dear Sheila,
No I didn’t know that
What are the chances of that? It must have a special.meaning. The day Phil was taken in we didn’t know it was going to be the end. If only I had known he was going to end up in a coma I could have said goodbye. But there’s a reason for everything . I think i
Must have pressed send if Phil had been conscious he would have tried to fight it because he always said he would never leave me. To be honest I haven’t been out on my own yet . It’s been 3 months but I’m not ready, we went everywhere together, so still going out with family, or staying in,
Lots of love,
Sandra
Dear Sheila,
We were exactly the same
We just didn’t go there, he was on denial about how much time we had. So we just carried on each day going to heomotology for transfusions or having daily chemo injections. After all this he lived for going to the caravan, because this was escapism. We could pretend it wasn’t happening. Then he got gradually worse and couldn’t even enjoy that. We just skirted the issue ,hoping that he had much longer. Like you say, if we had discussed it , we could have 'reminisced about our past, even read our love letters together and gone through photos.them Now I’ve sorted through
Ini
Pressed send again ! I now have 40 photos of him ranging I age all over the house. His face is everywhere. Pictures of us together over the years.
Lots of love,
Sandra
I feel bad because I can’t even look at a photo of Ian and I haven’t been able to put any pictures up yet. He was an amazing photographer and I have so many beautiful pictures I only hope one day I will be brave enough to have them on display Laura xx
Hi Laura
Don’t feel bad. A lot of us have found looking at photographs difficult. As you know I have just passed the first anniversary of Geoff’s passing and it is only in the last couple of weeks that I have been able to watch DVDs of our life together. Today is our Wedding Anniversary and later today I will be looking through our Wedding Album and remembering how happy we were on that day.
I think it just takes time - you will know when you feel strong enough to do it.
Yvonne
Hi Sheila & Laura
Well today has gone well, better than I expected. My two sons bought me some red roses and a card in which they wrote that they were thinking about me on this Special Day. I went for lunch with a friend and her little boy (3) who chatted very easily about Geoff, sharing his memories of things they did together.
This afternoon was lovely and sunny. Just like the day we got married. I looked through my wedding album and the happy memories came thick and fast. The start of a wonderful life together. I also found another box of video tapes that I am getting transferred to DVD next week.
Sometimes the anticipation of these dates is worst than the actual day. I hope I feel the same next week on my birthday.
Sending a hug to you. Hope you sleep better tonight.
Yvonne
Hi everyone…
At the risk if feeling sorry for myself I really don’t know how much more I can take… finally got an interview for a job just a little one…and I missed The interview…I’ve been ill all week and it had gotten worse…been to the doctor and I have a respiratory tract infection my pulse was 128.…. They also worried I might have shingles …so have to go to A and E if it gets worse …really struggling with the kids which makes me think I’m not doing a good job …if Gary was here he would have looked after me …
Just can’t get on a level foot …my dad’s helping but he’s sick as well and can only do so much …don’t know what I will do if I get any worse … Hope u are all doing better x
Hi Michelle
Oh you poor thing you really are run down. Not surprising with everything you are coping with. You are trying to do too much. Don’t be bullied into getting a job until you are ready. It seems far too early to be even thinking about it. Your main priority is looking after yourself so that you can be there for the children.
I hope you haven’t got shingles because that is really nasty. I have had it several times ( usually when I have been stressed). It can be quite painful.
Just tell the job centre or whoever else is rushing you into a job that you need time to grieve and adjust to your situation before you can think about working. I’m sure your doctor will back you up. The New Year will be soon enough to even consider it.
Take care of yourself - wish I was near enough to give you some practical support.
Sending you a hug
Yvonne
Thanks Yvonne … I too hope it’s not shingles I’ve never had it … I was in bed resting with the bad chest and cold which I knew was going to be infection…and I started to get a burning around my eye woke up and had a small rash …I’ve never had before the doctor measured it and says If I or gets worse then call hospital…
The job centre have actually been ok with me …I have to see them in 5 the Nov…u couldn’t have made it up but my work coordinator lost his wife last year he was very understanding. And we spoke about our loss in whispers…
I think I’m putting the pressure on myself with the job I can’t stand to be on benefits it’s alien to me and I am worried I can’t do enough for kids for Christmas…my dad is angry at me because he’s worried and constantly reminds me it’s only been three months see we lost Gary …I’m also feeling lonely with scarlett just starting school …
I’m on medication for anxiety and they are testing bloods with the hair loss…maybe it just needs a good cut it’s been a while lol…
My little girl just woke up and got in bed with me and says she can’t sleep because she needs to look after me …bless her …
Xx
Thanks Sheila … unfortunately my timing couldn’t have been any worse I was out on to the dreaded universal credit …which all benefits in one . Significantly lower than the other system . It leaves u with about 100 pounds per week after paying bills … I’m not judgemental but I do get annoyed I worked all the way up to having oliver and never asked for a penny … I will pop into local one when I’m better tho it’s worth a shot …
It was a shock to the system being so I’ll not only on my body which was already at breaking point…but the realisation that I have to carry on regardless …
My dad says that the only positive to come out of this nightmare is that it will make me stronger …he says he’s amazed at my strength…I fear I must be just a good actress…
Hope u got out today as you mentioned …I enjoyed reading your posts about your memories made me smile …
Love and hugs Michelle
Hi Michelle sorry to hear you’re not well, you really don’t need this right now. I really wish I lived near I’d help in some way. I think Sheila is right you need to make sure you are getting every benefit you are entitled to and stop worrying about a job. Your main priority is your children so get better soon and forget the job for now. Take care and big hugs to you all. Kay. Xxx
Hi Michelle . My husband died 12 weeks ago and I’ve just had shingles these past two weeks in my arm which made me feel very ill especially while the rash was coming out. I think it’s because the grief makes us so run down and you’ve got young children to look after too . Can any of your friends help over the weekend so you can go to bed in the day for an hour or two because you probably need some rest ? Romy xxx
Hi Shelia Did you enjoy your day out, Weather at the moment is lovely but it still doesn’t help the heartache, I seem to have gone backwards again is that normal ? I am trying so hard to be alright and I am for a little while then its tears again few people I have spoke to said it isn’t a year yet so time is young, but I don’t know, Like you we were young kids when we married we were everything to each other but so much I wanted to say to Colin towards the end but I was in denial and honestly thought he would be alright , now the thoughts keep tormenting me, Got the dark nights to look forward to and that does not help at all, I do hope I have not dragged you down with my moaning and hope that you are coping today and everyone else on this forum thinking of you all as we are the only ones who know how we feel Love Pammi
Hi pammi… it’s only three months for me but all is can say is I’m up and down and the smallest things can determine which it will be … like u said dark nights don’t help …but then I get sad when it’s sunny …my husband loved to wear his shorts .
Thank you all for wishes it turns out I had a respiratory infection and have diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder…
I’ve had anxiety on and off but it’s hit me like a bullet …
My pulse is 128 … I’m dizzy shaking muscle pain etc etc …
All that together and having the kids to look after is hard … I don’t like to complain tho there all I have …
It’s there harvest service tomorrow another thing on my own but I’m sure they will make me proud…
Don’t worry about bringing people down pammi I think I depress everyone enough lol…
Hope u all had a good weekend love and hugs Michelle
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Thanks for your reply Shelia So sorry you are still not well whatever you have had as knocked you for six,doesnt help that our loved ones ae not there to offer sympathy and just put their arms around you that is the biggest miss, I hate that part that Colin isn’t there to hold and be held would give anything for that again I am sure we all feel the same, Yes I remember e mailing you about Tab Hunter first love and we said then how true it was for us, such a long time ago want that time back so badly The struggle I am having is I cannot believe I have not got him anymore , When you stay in of a day do you find enough to do? I have to go out even if its for a coffee, Another day tomorrow another day of wishing things were as they used to be when we were so happy and didn’t think anything could change it, Just want to get Christmas over the carols are already being played in the shops We must plod on , Thinking of you Shelia and hope you will soon be well but we will never be able to relight that candle the flame has gone out and inside I am dead as I know you must be,. Must try and be better tomorrow Love Pammi xxx
Hi Michelle Thanks for your reply I am so sorry time is so young for you and also having the kids to look after cannot be easy , Yes like you say I get sad when the sun shines and know Colin isn’t here to enjoy it , I will be thinking of you tomorrow with the Harvest Festival and hope it all goes well for you and the children , I do hope you will be better soon as I was saying to Shelia that’s when we miss out loved ones its so sad we have to go through this I never ever thought it would be this bad, I am waiting for my flu injection but the Doctors hasn’t any left at the moment how disgusting and its not just where I live Shelia has to wait for hers as well Take care Michelle we are all in this together Love Pammi xx