I’m so sorry @Harriet4Bill
Everything you say resonates with me
I know you probably won’t believe it, I wouldn’t have at 2 weeks. But you will learn to cope.
In the meantime just take one day at a time and please reach out to friends and family.
We are all here to listen to you and offer support. It’s not long ago we were where you are now.
I’m afraid there’s no magic wand to take the pain away, but you will very gradually find you are learning to live with it.
Sending a big hug
Liz x x
Ty Liro i could just do with some friends to chat to. The house seems so empty, especially at night. I have never been alone before and i am scared all the time. I try and post on here but the tears blind me in what i want to say. Xxx
I know how you feel, i go to bed & cry,get up in the morning &cry. I am so thankful for this group. I lost my husband in April. One thing that i will never forget,is how strong & determined he was. His health problems started in 1975 at the age of 20yr,he lost a Kidney,until 1994 he was ok, then he started Dialysis for 9months., before receiving a kidney transplant, which gave him 25yrs. Inbetween, he had a Quadruple Heart Bypass,a Pacemaker , then had to go back on Dialysis. During Lockdown he had 6 Cardiac Arrest,in 24hours. The Drs were amazed at his determination to fight. He always said there is always someone worse off than me. He bought me a Bangle & on itis engraved ‘’ Laugh every day,Live every moment,Love every minute’'. I wear it every day. We used to do the garden together like you we would choose plants together. The last plants we bought were Roses, the one i chose for him is called Super Trooper, which he was. Every day he made me laugh. He used to go to Dialysis 3 days a week & i still get up at the same time, i know it will take me a long time to break the habit. And its hard & cruel to face my future without him. x
My husband died 7 weeks ago today. We also have a garden full of roses, including Super Trooper! We chose them together, and I can remember where, when and why we chose all 150 of them. It breaks my heart each time I go and tend to them, especially as some of them have meaningful names. Of course, the meanings are different since he died.
I had an okay day on Thursday, going out for lunch for the first time without him. But, as always seems to happen, the dip happened afterwards. Everywhere I look I am reminded. Silly things that my eyes fall on. The coolbox that is always in the same place, and I don’t even see it. But today, I did see it and I remembered the picnics we enjoyed. We had been on a short break and he died the day we arrived home. The camera is lying there, still with photos of our holiday on it, I suppose. I haven’t looked, it would just be too painful.
The house is full of stuff that brings pain. I need to clear things out. It isn’t that I have been consciously keeping bits of useless bits of paper he wrote on, etc. I just haven’t been noticing them.
Life sucks right now. Xx
When is it the right time to clar away things. I feel like if i do i am throwing him away. Although looking at his things and knowing hecwill never use them again makes me sad xxx
Hi @jevncute
I’m 20 weeks now. I haven’t and can’t do it yet. I did give some of his books to the charity shop and immediately felt guilty
You do it when the time is right for you
Big hugs x x
Ty Liro i did manage to bin some of is medications but nothing else i cant bear the thought he wont need his things again. The pain is unbearable. Xxx
I believe the only right time to clear things out is when it’s right for you. I got considerable relief from rapidly getting rid of the disability aids, medications, elasticated waist trousers etc. They weren’t who he was and only reminded me of the pain and indignity he put up with so bravely. I also passed the chainsaw on to a good home because I’m not strong enough to use it safely.
But other than that, his stuff is still where it was, six months on. No idea when I’ll feel strong enough to tackle it, but not yet. Maybe bit by bit. Though I should probably sort out my own shambolic wardrobe and knickers drawer before I tackle his! He was tidier than me!
Ty Annie i will do the same because i had more clthes etc then Gra yer maybe i should do my own. Xxx
I cant get rid of my husbands things, dont think i ever will feel like going through his clothes.The only things i have given to the charity shop are things that we had gone through before he went into hospital & we never got round to taking. Every morning i put a little drop of his after shave on my clothing so i smell him with me. The worse thing was waiting for the disabilty aids to be collected, my daughter & her husband put them in the spare bedroom out of the way, but the hospital bed was still there in my lounge for almost 2wks after he passed,before they collected it, it was an awful reminder of the pain he was in, the 10nights my daughter slept in his recliner chair,& i slept on the settee. My daughter was endlessly asking for them to collect it,has it was causing me stress, but they didnt seem to bothered. He had been a Joiner by trade & had every tool imaginable i passed them to my son in law. Your wardrobe sounds very like mine. x
I agree with @AnnieMacG
Every time I think about clearing out Rogers stuff I end up doing mine.
I’m sorry, I’m just not ready yet
X x
I too couldn’t wait to get rid of all the disability things from the flat. It reminded me too much of the pain and suffering and I wanted to remember my husband as he was before.
I have left most of his things where he left them. I won’t be getting rid of his clothes for some time not while it hurts as much as this to think about it.
My husband had some jumpers bought him for last Christmas which haven’t been worn. I bought him some summer shirts, shorts and trainers and he was so looking forward to wearing them in the warmer weather. Now he’ll never get to wear them and the tears flow like a river when I look at them. He’s only been gone for just over 2 weeks and I can’t stand the thought of eventually having to get rid of all his clothes. 
Hi @Harriet4Bill
Please don’t even think about getting rid of anything yet. You will know when you’re ready and it’s still very early days for you.
It’s nearly 5 months for me and I’m not ready yet. I know I will have to, but when I’m ready
I just shut the wardrobe door and don’t open it now.
Everybody is different about when to do it but please don’t pressure yourself
Sending love and hugs
Liz x x
I don’t feel I’ll ever be ready. I’m sitting here, a complete mess. Tears won’t stop. A feeling of complete hopelessness I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but I just can’t help it - I miss him so much.
I know how youre feeling,i lost my husband on 24,3,24,
I know exactly how youre feeling,
When he passed away,i had some clothes in the washing basket,i washed them and was in tears and the panic attack i suffered with were terrible when i knew he wouldnt be wearing them again,then the tears,im still having panic attacks but not as often,i miss him so much,i talk to him all the time,i kiss his photo every night tell him ive survived another day without him,tears rolling again now,sundays i find hard,ill never ever forget the day he passed away and left me,it was a sunday.
I understand what all of you feel in what you say,the loneliness and depression moods,theyre i cant explain,i make myself go and do something like clean or diamond art. Put some music on,i love music,its a big push to do something and redirect,everydays the same,how do you all try to refirect your thoughts
Its very early days for you. I was just the same but gradually you will come to realise you are starting to cope.
I still have tears, every day, but I’m beginning to accept that tears are part of my life now. I just wish I could accept he was gone.
Just take it one day at a time, one step at a time and reach out to friends and family for support
Keep posting on here, you will find plenty of understanding and support
Sending you a big hug
Liz x x
Hi @24324
I feel pretty much the same as you.
Roger is constantly on my mind
I talk to him all the time and I write to him every night. Usually accompanied by tears.
I have started doing diamond painting and find it relaxing.
I too love music but I’ve always liked sad music, country mainly. But I still listen even when it makes me cry. If it wasn’t the music it would be something else.
I understand how you feel about Sundays, the day you lost him, mine is Friday. I replay it over and over. But it doesn’t help does it?
Sending you a big hug
Liz x x
Sending a big hug.
I know of someone who had things 30 years on. She only let some things go when she moved to a smaller home.
There are no rules or set timescale for dealing with his possessions.
Take care,
Rose xx
Hi Liz my wife was a big country music fan too,for her 60th I secretly booked 4 days in Nashville and 5 days in New York with front row seats at the Grand Ole Oprey,we went downtown and she got kitted out in hat,boots,skirt and shirt,she was over the moon,just glad I ain’t writing this on paper my I pads soaking.big hug Ron.