Oh my lovely,
I understand your pain so well . The anger and pain is unbearable
When I’m alone I want company when I’ve got company I want to be alone really all I want is to hear his voice one more time and to be able to tell him I love him and I always will .
How could this have happened ? I just can’t bear the feeling of being alone without him
The comfort of having someone you are totally comfortable with I miss that so much.
we walk through life,we never expect to be one of very few who end up with the one person that was brought to this world to complete us.we never imagined what it would feel like to have them taken from us.if only we did,would we wish we hadn’t met them so we didn’t have to face this very emotional traumatic event.im guessing most if not all wouldn’t want to of missed one second of the time spent loving and sharing our lives with our very special partner.and sadly because they meant so much and we were so inlove,the affects of losing them is the price we are paying.i wish I had a magic wand to take away all the pains we are having to handle on a daily basis.sadly thats not in my powers,i can say that each and every one will find their own way of coping,and each one of us will find that inner strength from some where.and those on this site facing the same loss will reach out and offer a comforting word or shoulder to cry on to release a bit of the stresses that build up daily.and I cant believe im still here its been 16 months since my world came crumbling down around me,and each day can be a struggle,so if I can find a way to still be here ,hopefully all of you will.sorry I cannot vanquish all the hurt you will face or the emotional moments which will engulf you frequently.sadly this could take a life time for some of us.
warm regards one and all.and sorry for infesting this thread.
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I so wanted to be with her but I had promised to look after her mum. For a number of nights I felt like my heart was going to give out. Pulpatations. But didn’t want to break my promise
Thank you. For lots of us it’s extremely fresh and raw.
I am awake again and need to take my son to school.
There is only one reason I am here my son.
I am looking at around if Andy is in bed no no every day.
I am missing cuddling him in the mornings, talking to him, looking into his deep green beautiful eyes. What did happen, how did it happen it was so so quick. I still can not get over my head. Yesterday when I was brushing my teeth I just started staring his. How clean it was he always laughed at mine said you need to keep it clean.
His parents are here if they are not around I am totally cracked but they can not stay longer …
Each day brings new pain. Been awake most of night as not wanting today to come. Service later a few people back after then left alone.
I can only say I feel your pain and sorrow but I know nothing can be done to reduce it.
Keep strong for your daughter.
I went through that yesterday
The funeral was something I endured , every word spoken another arrow in my already broken heart.
People think once the funeral is over that’s closure buys it’s not
I’m still here hurting as much as I did yesterday. The silence of an empty home ringing in my ears
That’s exactly what I’m thinking. People kept talking about money and insurance but money and posetions have no value. What matters is being forgotten and lonely.
You are right, i wouldnt change having met Elaine and falling so deeply in love, we were meant to meet each other and although losing her has broken me i was blessed to have her in my life and to share all the time togther. No need to apologise, what you wrote made sense to me, yes it doesnt lessen the pain but did touch me so thank you
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Everyone is telling me same thing as when the funeral is over you will be more realistic and less pain.
I do not think so as I already know my love has gone and the funeral is part of my pain.
I need to choose his clothes, music and pictures how painful it is can not bear it.
I sleep as I take sleeping pills shall I not take them? Because I want to feel him he may coming while I am asleep?
I agree. I’ve got it today all it does is make it official. There is no official for grief and loss. Nothing can reduce that not even time.
Yorker, , your loss was so recent, your grief so raw. So sorry for you and all of you who have posted. Like you I feel I hate seeing couples walking about holding hands, feel so jealous of them and keep asking, why him, why isn’t he here . I want to tell them to make sure they appreciate their partner and enjoy every moment, you never know when or how it will be all snatched away. How are we supposed to manage, I really don’t know.We get told it becomes easier but it doesn’t feel as if that could be possible. This lockdown is terrible but in some ways I don’t really want to see many people,no matter how much I love them. And because a lot of us have done everything together we’re going to feel so heartbroken when we could go to places after lockdown but haven’t got that person to go with.And this year most people won’t be going away on holiday, but next year they will and we will never be able to do that again. It’s so heartbreaking. Someone said to me”you just have to make a new life, a different one” But how do we do that I wonder, when we just want the old one back with the love of our life back too.
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No, after the funeral the grief really sets in . The arranging takes up a bit of your time and thoughts, but afterwards there is no focus and the sad horrible future just stretches in front of you. It’s been 9 weeks today since my husband died and I think I’ve finally come to terms with it and am not crying quite as much, although still several times a day .So maybe that’s a positive 
I’m not expecting the funeral today to make it any easier. I am expecting the reduction in communication with people to suddenly drop renforcing that I’m on my own.
Why can’t we be like mice who just don’t care?
Sorry, typo. Yorkie
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Suekatie I so feel for you and understand the pain you are feeling.We were married for 49 years, together for 52 and life without him makes me feel like half a person, even less than half. It’s like sleepwalking somehow, not properly experiencing anything and just feeling so heartbroken at every turn. The empty bed, space next to you on the sofa where he would hold your hand as you watched tv, his gardening shoes by the door, his clothes around the bedroom, the list goes on for ever. Just that presence, knowing he was there, sometimes I forget and think he’s on his computer or in the garden. So many things I remember and want to tell him and so many things I can’t remember that I want to ask him. Above all I want to hug him and tell him I love him one last time. If only he’d been conscious when we were finally allowed to visit in hospital.The nurse said he would know we were there and hear us but I don’t think he could have done and it breaks my heart all over again just thinking about it.
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Jay and Alison and Nuran,that’s so true. People have no idea what it’s like to be in our position, it’s completely life changing and they just haven’t a clue. But to be honest I don’t think I did til it happened to me, it’s not just a terrible bereavement it’s a complete demolition of everything you ever knew loved. Like someone’s taken a wrecker ball to your entire being and life. That’s why this site is a place where we can receive comfort, caring and complete understanding from others in the same position. We must remember that our world has stopped but not for others so they can just carry on and do what they’ve always done which feels very hurtful for us. I feel bitter about that and really hate myself for it x
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Bjane
You have expressed everything I feel
The loneliness of this house without his presence no one else talking no one else breathing
I can’t bear it today after the funeral it feels so much worse and I didn’t think that could happen
I feel that there is no point in the rest of my life
Jay andAlison, you will get through the funeral today, I know it. Just let your grief come out. I controlled myself for both my mum and my dads funeral but just sobbed through my husbands. Nobody there to comfort us, just three of us,distanced. You will be on autopilot in a way but the pain is intense, seeing the coffin, knowing your love is inside it and that you’ll never share the same space again. But I don’t know if this is morbid or weird but I found a lot of comfort when I received his ashes. They are in a lovely willow casket and at the moment they live on the bed. I sleep on his side, cuddling his jumper and the ashes reside on my half. I say hello and night to him every day and talk to him a lot whenever I’m in the bedroom. I hope everything goes well for yo u and am sending love and strength x