Oh SueKatie, I hate to think of you thinking like that. No good me saying please don’t because no one can stop what they are thinking. But please believe me that I felt like that too a couple of weeks ago when it was all very recent. I just wanted to go to wherever he was. I kept asking, to the horrible empty house,”where are you? Where have you gone? “ and I wanted to go wherever it was and be with him, life seemed so unbearable and ended. But I started to wonder what he would think and to say the oft trotted out”he would want you to be happy” seemed trite and ridiculous. But I did realise he would hate to be responsible for me doing anything stupid and he would want me to look after our family for him. And that’s what I’m holding onto and getting through one day at a time. I hope you can somehow manage to, as well.sending lovex
Hi bjane
You are right, unless you have been through losing your soul mate, its impossible to understand the devastation. Life for us has ended, the pain is so deep. Everything hinges on the funeral arrangements, it occupies the mind, but for us. Life will never be the same. After the funeral, people go back to their lives, We have to face being alone. I too miss my husband so, so, much, it hurts seeing all his things about the house, yet I can’t bear to move them. I also find myself looking a couples, almost with envy. How I long for his hand in mine,
On this site we all understand, the pain, anger, fear and loneliness. I don’t like being alone, I loved life as a couple, . It will get a bit easier with time, not what we want to hear right now, but I can say it will, slowly and differently for us all.
Thinking of you bjane and all who are suffering this devastating time., with love
Christina
I found it was bad enough when we could not have children but this is a total different level
Most phycoloists says it is ok to show your sadness to your child, share it but if the grief takes much longer than normal or grief takes whole of your life will affect your child physiologically badly. I will try my best to look after my son physically and make sure he is ok phycologocially as well as I do not want to let down my love.
He never let me down.
I just spoke to one of my close friend said to her why me, why us? Tell me why? Every family around me enjoying the lockdown being with their family. Why my family has to end up with a grief. It is not like breaking your arm and fix it or tummy ache. My Andy was so happy being with his family and we we were.
Why?
You are not alone. I keep asking the same but I don’t expect to get the answer.
Thank you
So much xx
I just feel that it was all so wrong no proper goodbye , he was sedated when I last saw him and we were not even alone icu staff all around us
Although they would not let me see him I feel like I’ve let him down and worry was he scared and frightened
Yes it makes you wonder why them, when you had a lovely relationship and were so happy together. Life does feel very unfair at the moment and almost too much to cope with. But, as my Dad always said, life will always go on and the sun will always come upon the sky every day, somewhere. So we must be like the sun and keep getting out of bed every morning and try to spread a bit of warmth. x
Dear Nuran,
Maybe it is the only way that your sisters-in-law can cope with the loss of their brother.
In less than three years, my beloved younger brother died, as did my friend of nearly 72 years, then my husband died last August (2019). I have had 3 different types of grief, the first two of my loved ones was agony but nothing like the agony which I am going through caused by the loss of my husband of 59 years.
I am just trying to point out that we each grieve differently for each loved one who dies, people grieve differently too.
Blessings,
MaryL
You are totally right I need to accept everyone do it differently. I think everything just make me angry at the moment.
Me too, Nuran. The world’s all wrong and I think it’s to be expected that we feel bitter angry and even jealous . We’re all very raw and hopefully this will start wearing off in a while and our hearts will try to mend xxx
I found this and I thought it was lovely :
As I sit in heaven and watch you every day … I try to let you know with signs I never went away … l hear you when your laughing and watch you as you sleep …l even place my arms around you to calm you when you weep …
I see you wish the days away , begging to have me home …so I try to send you signs so you know your not alone … this place is truly beautifull, just you wait and see … so live your life …laugh again , enjoy your self be free … then I know with every breath you take … you’ll be taking one for me …
Xx
Oh thank you, that’s so lovely!. Will try to keep thinking that way.Take care x
Thank you Nuran.
Such beautiful words,
Mary x
Of course these beautiful words made me more tearful x
I can not stop crying I still can not believe this is happening…I am missing him missing himmmm
Let all your tears flow, they need to come out and will flow a little less with time. It won’t feel like it now. But they really can be healing. Sending love x
I want to make her proud. I cry myself to sleep and if wake up during night it starts again and then again in the morning. Forget about the day time.
It’s because I miss her and all that is associated like noise and smells.
I do struggle when I get asked if I’m going to move or remove clothes. I’m not getting anyone else so when I do or if remains a question.
I’ve said this because most people on here appear to be female. Males struggle too or at least this one does.
Let’s cry out loud for our loved ones x
Of course you do, you loved her and you’ve experienced the biggest loss of all. No hurry to move clothes, just do it when you want to or feel able. 9 weeks on and my husbands clothes are still where they’ve always been. I find it a comfort to have them around and often wear his sweaters. I also cuddle his sweater in bed. it still has his smell. Do you have a top or fess of your wife’s you could cuddle at night? It really helps. me so may be worth a try… She will already be proud of you. Strength and lovex