Hi M-M-2004
I hope you and your children are doing okay.
Today has been a tough day, I registered my husbands death yesterday and then walked down to pick up the death certificate this morning. I thought I was doing okay until I got in my street door. A song came on my headphones and the grief was like a tsunami, sudden and consuming I had to sit on the stairs for awhile and cried, wailed really. It was so painful, I guess the build up to seeing his name on that certificate after 13 weeks.
When I was at the registrars there was a couple coming out taking photos who had just been married and a couple waiting to register their new baby, such happy reasons to be there. And me, and I kept think why me, why us?
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Hi I have also been thinking about a memorial for my husband Paul he passed January and also was only allowed 30 and no wake which was awful so many friends and family unable to come but I am terrified to have to go through that day again would be unbearable as Iām still really struggling to come to terms with my loss so am putting it off for the time being but I know I owe it to Paul to try and sort it out x
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Such a difficult day for you I was spared that as it was in lockdown everything done over the phone which Iām sure was a little easier this grief is such a long and very painful journey for us all take care x
I really feel for you love itās horrible when you get that certificate
grief hits you sometime unexpectedly that wave of emotions is super exhausting on your body and mind
Take care of yourself
We were only allowed 30 for my husbandās funeral although many stood outside the church. We held a memorial 7 months on and tried to keep it upbeat and celebrate his life. People from different parts of his life wrote memories about him and we gave people a bag of Remembrance crocuses to plant to remember him. We also asked people to bring different photos of him and put them up on a pin board- it was nice to see different ones. It was also nice to finally talk to people who had supported us in one way or another but we hadnāt been able to meet in person. I finally felt that I had done what I needed to for him.
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I donāt know how everyone else feels about doing things by yourself exactly when you are used to doing stuff as a couple
Iām being brave to having some lunch out on my own
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Good for you being brave. I hope you enjoyed your lunch.
I have noticed how many other people are alone now. I suppose itās just something we have become aware of as, unfortunately, we are in this position now.
Things are so different and much more difficult but so many of us are in this together and we do understand
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I did enjoy my lunch thanks
It was very strange going in on my own itās the first time Iāve gone for lunch on my own since my husband passed
We would normally do stuff like that together
But have to be strong
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Well done i no itās hard I used to do everything with julie even shopping on a Saturday morning i now nothing is the same anymore itās something that we have to get used to iv even tried going on holiday twice it was not easy truthfully it was nowhere near the same I still find it really hard it something we will never forget x
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Sorry did not mean to be doom and gloom x
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Donāt ever say sorry it wasnāt doom and gloom what you said itās nice memories is what keeps us going
I actually enjoy going shopping on my own my husband malcolm was always putting stuff in the trolley we didnāt need
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Itās not doom & gloom, itās just the truth isnāt it. Nothing will ever be the same ever again now that we are without them. We just have to keep plodding on.
I honestly didnāt realise how many people must carry the terrible weight of great loss before I lost my darling Ian.
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You are right it is the truth and we need to keep plodding on as crap as it is and I find it comforting that I aināt the only one as strange as it is I do find it hard on this site sometimes it not normal itās my new normal x
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Very true Ricky you have to make a new normal
Just speaking out is amazing
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Thank you I have Julieās friends coming over for lunch today I know itās hard for them to how is your wallpapering going I hope you have straight lines x
It does help to be busy do you think so
Hi Ricky definitely helps keeping busy
Enjoy your day
Yes wallpapering done thanks
Nice that your wifeās friends are coming over for lunch
Not a good day today. Just feel so alone and itās not going to get any better because there is no chance of him walking through the door. He said we were going to get old together. We are too young to be parted yet. What am I meant to do for the rest of my life. I need him. We were a team. I love him so much. I miss him so much I canāt take it. There is no end to this nightmare. And itās made so much worse by the fact he didnāt need to die. This was caused by nhs screw ups , medicines incorrectly recorded and information and communication being non existent. This is manslaughter. Xxx
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Iām here with you JenW also had a bad day today, everything youāve said I feel with you. I have no answers but just wanted you to know we are in this together x
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Thank you. I donāt know how we are meant to keep going. All we can do is be here for each other on here. Nobody except for the people on here understand. Wish some of us lived closer to each other so we could meet up. Xxx
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