Miss my daughter

My beautiful daughter Paige was killed in a car accident coming up to 4 years ago and would have just celebrated her 21st birthday. I’m told she did not suffer but nevertheless still does not make it any easier to live with.
I feel I have to be strong for my wife and sons but when I’m alone I often brake down and cry, I miss her so much and feel I’m going to explode sometimes. Often have thoughts about what’s the point of going on but then wouldn’t want to put my loved ones through anymore grief.
How do parents like me manage to carry on?

Hello Darren,

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. It sounds as though things have been tough for you for a while.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through. If you feel up to it, you could take a look at this thread where other parents are talking about losing a child: Loss of our son aged 27

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Take care,

Hazel
Online Community team

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Dear Darren so sorry for your pain so very tragic I feel parents like us ( on this site ) do go on , but never in the same way life for us is never the same and it’s such a struggle , I lost my beautiful girl ten years ago she had cerebral palsy and I found her unexpectedly dead in her bed I’ve ( we’ve ) struggled to cope but felt I was living along side my grief but with a deep sadness inside , but on June the 13th a bloody thunderbolt hit me again as my 23 year old son who supported me made me laugh kept mr sane also passed away i this time is even worse unbearable the pain is so intense and I’m struggling to find a way forward , but I as you have no bloody choice , somehow we will move forward I hope you find strength around you and remember there are other s around you suffering as you are, let’s take some little building blocks from each other’s pain , and slowly build ourselves up to the new people we must become, take care xxx

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on the 6th September 2020 my beautiful daughter passed away due to complications of a rare liver cancer. At this stage I just feel empty and scared. I keep breaking down, crying hysterically. I just feel dead inside. I miss her so much and I fear the pain will be with me forever, missing my baby for the rest of my life. My girl was just a sweet girl with a lovely smile, so innocent. I will be seeing her tomorrow and I just can’t wait to give her one last kiss

Dear Hayleymah
I’m so very sorry you’ve become part of this community although I promise you everyone is so supportive. None of us want to be here.:cry:
I lost one of sons last October- his name was Henry. The pain, shock, guilt, gut wrenching disbelief…it was horrendous. For me over time, things are different.
The pain is the same but it’s not my constant companion anymore.
Just take each hour at a time…I told myself and still do…that it’s just today I’m not seeing my lovely boy.
It’s my way of coping. I meditate too…that is very helpful in controlling panic attacks. I use the Headspace app.
I talked about Henry constantly, wept for hours and slept little. It’s his birthday and first anniversary next month- I never thought I’d get here- but I am.
My boy is at peace, free from the difficulties he faced. I was blessed to have him for 30 years.
I hope you have people who love you to support you at this heartbreaking time.
Warm wishes, hugs and love
Purple

Dearest haleymah
Lots of love to you it’s so hard I lost my son in June suddenly aged just 23 I’m still so shocked and heartbroken as you will be, I too saw. My son 3 weeks after passing I was so shocked so sad I wanted to pick him up and stay with him forever I hope it all goes well for you I have terrible flash backs of that time but I still don’t regret going I had to as you probably feel you must, I hope you have someone with you I feel it’s the hardest thing a parent has to endure , I sadly lost my daughter ten years ago but as I found her I was able to spend time with her in her room , I send you best wishes sending you a big hug of strength take care xxx

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I saw my baby girl today, to say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. It looked like her but it didn’t, she looked angelic and peacefull. Thank you for your messages x

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Hi Jayne2
I too have such sad & everlasting flashbacks that are crippling. It’s utterly heartbreaking. Sending love and strength to you xx

Dear hayleymah123
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you :heart: sending you love and strength xx

Losing a child is in my opinion is the most painful feeling in the world, but to lose two is incomprehendable, a close friend of mine lost her twins 10 years apart…i have no idea how she gets out of bed. I have flashbacks of her many faces, her smile, her goofy face, and then i see her in her bed lifeless. The word ‘mum’ woke me this morning, I like to think it was my girl telling me to get up and face the day with a smile. I miss her with every cell in my body and she is constantly in my thoughts…
My love goes out to you guys as the pain and loss you feel is also shared. One day at a time ay!??

So sorry for your losses Jayne. God bless you <3

It’s just the most intense, continuous pain that is crippling. How old was your beloved daughter @hayleymah123? My son was 22, now 23 :broken_heart: his birthday was a few weeks after we lost him. I just want him back, I desperately want my old life back :broken_heart:
Sending love and strength to you xx

Dear all
I know what you mean I so want my old life back too , it’s so incredibly difficult, my first child was brain damaged at birth they was such a hard time to go through watching everyone’s children develop as they should my dear girl couldn’t eat fed with a tube ( which I had to insert ) couldn’t sit up walk talk it was bloody awful but we adored her loved her and when I was lucky enough to have two more children I was blessed so thankful I used to watch them eat sit run walk I was amazed and felt so so lucky, my daughter died ten years ago I was incredibly sad for a long time but still felt blessed I had my other children now my son has gone just 2 weeks before his birthday I am still shocked sad angry disbelief… just trying to find ways to move on … lots of love dear people take care xxxxx

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My daughter was 19 and its her birthday on 24th September, we decided to have her funeral on her birthday so like your son her birthday was a few weeks after her passing. I feel the same as you, I just want our old life back…I’d give anything to have her back home with us. When do you son pass away Rach?

Hi Darren
I am 4 years behind you in the bereavement process…i am so so sorry that you lost your daughter in such a tragic manner. Like you, i feel the same but I look at my husband and daughter and think how could I give them more pain…but I totally get why you feel that way. I am not working at the moment but I keep myself busy sewing, I only lost my girl 2 weeks ago and I find talking to her and about her helps, and laugh and the silly things she used to do…take care

This world is harsh, cruel and utterly unfair…i am so so sorry jayne2…how the hell do we move on from this trauma…how do we live our lives without them. We just all have to find a way to keep them alive, plant a tree, light candles, meditate, talk to them…God im two weeks in and i am racking my pee brain for a way to bring her back! X

Awww @hayleymah123, my husbands birthday is the 24th September too. I will be thinking of you & sending you strength and hugs. My precious son passed away on 21st June almost 3 months ago. A part of me went with him & I have no idea how to carry on but I have to, I have another precious son who is 26 & is lost without his brother who was also his best friend, they were inseparable & my heart aches for my son :broken_heart:
We are all trying to deal with one day at a time but it’s unbearable. I’m having a counselling session through my work today as I desperately need to let out my feelings to someone other than family or friends. It’s only natural I think that after time you feel you can’t keep burdening those you love with your darkest days/nights. Sending love and strength always to you & everyone here :heart: xx

Hi Darren
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I’m only almost 3 months on & know that this is a life sentence. The only way we are going to survive is to know we are not alone with our grief & know that others are there for us. Grief has no time limit. Please keep posting, speaking in general terms, males tend to hold their thoughts & feelings in, I hope letting them out will help you. I wish my husband and son would more often. Take care x

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my beautiful daughter Jenna on 15 August 2020. I am like you - scared and cry constantly. I can’t function without her and I miss her so much. I don’t understand why young lives are taken and parents and siblings are left devastated.
I don’t think I will ever mend - my heart is broken.

Oh Juliew I feel the same, I don’t think we will recover but people on here say time does help and I must trust the people who have been through it, I need to. The thought of feeling like this forever is unthinkable. I am so so sorry you’ve lost your Jenna, thoughts are with all of you xxx