Hello,
so many of us recognise what you are feeling. I lost my husband in March. I certainly know how you feel.
It is a strange and emotional life we have had forced on us.
For me, feeding our cats was really my only focus for quite a while.
This is a very supportive site where people understand and don’t judge.
Please continue to share on here.
Sending you positive thoughts,
Rose
Well u hav made me laugh, on a down day.
MandyC15 I could have written that post almost word for word. Marie Curie palliative care were awful. I had to fight for everything, commode that fitted him, walker, toilet riser, incontinence pads, bed with air mattress etc etc . And then pain relief. I know I did my utmost and he was grateful but I keep getting flashbacks. When he needed a poo in the middle of the night and I couldn’t roll him by myself to get him on a bedpan and trying to just shove it under him caused so much pain with the cancer in his hips. I am trying to think of the life we had before he got ill, the walking holidays, the tapas and beer, the concerts and the joys and worries of bringing up kids together. Those are the memories I want.
Exactly the same as me and my husband. I miss doing nothing, being silly and living in our little bubble. My heart breaks for all of us x
Thinking of you. I know Saturdays are particularly hard x
I hear you, it’s like all that love you still have just floating above your head with no where to go. My thoughts are with you. 
@wilderness I agree with you about the moving on idea. I have just finished reading a brilliant book by Megan Devine ‘It’s ok that you’re not ok’ and she talks about that idea - because it fits with a narrative we all have inbuilt, this idea of a story where we have a challenge we learn and grow by meeting the challenge and then we emerge better/changed/different but actually that narrative doesn’t suit everyone and we’re not ‘failing’ if we don’t ‘move on’ .
Juniper 19
Is that the name of the book ?
I’ve requested this from my library
Finding Meaning the sixth stage of grief by David Kessler.
When you hit rock bottom you have a decision to make . Do you stay there or push off to rise .
@wilderness Yes that’s the name - or thereabouts but if you give the name of the author it will come up, hope you find it useful x
Juniper19
I’ve located it and let you know . Thank you for the recommendation
Sending you strength. .
@Flower_garden i feel the same lots of ups and down panic and tears. It’s been three years since my husband died and today has felt like a difficult day. Feeling list and alone. Tomorrow is another day. This is what I tell myself. Hope it feels better sending hugs x
You’re not alone - take care and hugs
I miss my old life with Ann and cannot believe it’s been nearly seven months since Ann passed away we used to travel abroad at least three times a year and because I’m originally from London now living in the Midlands Ann absolutely loved shopping in markets she also loved the history of London especially where I’m from the east end so every few weeks we would travel down south and Ann would spend the day shopping then we would visit my friends and family but since Ann’s passing I’m finding it impossible to even go to local shops and places we used to visit all my confidence has gone I’m so lost and lonely I spend most days living in the past grief counselling was a bit hit and miss I kept getting told that with time my confidence will return and I will learn to live with just memories they make it sound so easy I just wish it was
Yeh youre so right it knocks your confidence in life and in people ! Its not the same is it without them supporting u xx
It’s not easy at all. My confidence was gone completely. I keep feeling overwhelmed just when attempting normal shopping.
Like you we travelled and knew we were lucky enough to do that. We used to say ‘ nothing to do and all day to do it in’. Now we’ve nobody to do nothing with.
Hi I miss the life I had with my lovely husband. I spend a lot of time on my own now. It is soul destroying. I know we have to push on and make some sort of life for ourselves but it is so hard. I miss my husband every second of every day. The feeling in my chest of foreboding is still there. I wish it would go but after just over two years it’s still there. My husband was my world and me his. I’ve said in other posts that I still can’t believe he has gone and is not coming back. Life is so cruel.x
It’s so strange how it affects your confidence,I dread having to go shopping or simple things like going for petrol make me feel anxious.I have always been confident good out and about I always did most of our shopping on my own so that’s not the problem.It’s a horrible situation we are in .
I find Sundays very difficult. The day seems endless. If I plan to be buy with housework it goes a little faster but no matter what I do there is nobody to do nothing with. It’s so quiet and a lonely day on Sundays
Hi I feel just the same it’s been 4 years since I lost my husband. Just this weekend I made myself go to a farm shop we use to go regularly to this was first time on my own . People think it’s crazy you cant go to the places you used to go until they lose their loved one . I also spend 90% of my time on my own it’s soul destroying 
I feel bad for you being so lonely. I don’t know your situation but hopefully you have the courage to reach out to friends, family or maybe join a class to meet new people? It must be awful not having anyone when you want some company 