Missing Mam's Love and Support

[Stephen65]

Good evening Sparrow2.

Thank you for your message. My car had one thing fixed yesterday. They did a pressure test today and said everything was okay. He said book it in, in 2 weeks because it has a minor oil leak and it needs a new seal. He says he is too busy to do it now, but it isn’t urgent. They said I can pick it up in the morning.

However I didn’t think I would get it back until Friday, so i contacted the museum again and asked her to take me off the volunteer rota for Friday. I hope i can finally get started next Tuesday. .

I walked up to the cemetery this morning and had about one and a half hours including walking back home. It is only a few minutes walk. It was quiet so I could chat.

Your mum’s friend’s son seems to be doing really well. As you say he appears to be doing better than how we were/are. Like you said yesterday. Thank goodness we can stay in the houses were we spent all those happy years with our mums.

Mam never liked a mess. What i mean is and I will give you an example. Dad loved decorating, but mum could not wait to get things back in order. I am like mam too and I know you said you are ready for everything being back and sorted.

The picture of your mum and friends dropping out of the book today is an example of when we are just overcome by grief and at that moment we aren’t expecting it.

Today I was looking for something upstairs in a drawer. I came across one of mam’s watercolour paintings that she did years ago. She always put her efforts down God bless her, but I always told her they looked lovely. She liked to do landscapes. No classes or anything she just enjoyed doing them. I am going to frame it. Seeing that unexpectedly made me cry too.

God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.

[Sparrow2]

Good evening Stephen, It is gpod that you are getting your car back. Your Mam would be pleased. Seeing your Mams painting would have made me cry. It was something that your Mam took care of and was a reminder of when your Mam was well. The more you share about your Mam, the more I gain a picture of a kind, gentle and patient lady who was easily pleased, modest and very content at home with her family. It is a lovely idea to frame the painting. You described your Mam as underestimating her skills. This is a way to celebrate your Mam. I have been finding it hard the last few days. Moving my furniture into Mum’s bedroom which she kept spotless and spending time in her room has made me really feel the loss of Mum. I knew Mum loved me so much. Normally we would do things like this together and Mum would have been happy that I was sorting out my room. We would have discussed plans together and my Mum was always very practical. I have felt that Mum cared for me so much and now no-one cares. I need to try and get a more positive mindset again. Take care

[Stephen65]

Good evening Sparrow2.

Thank you as always for your lovely message. Dad bought mam all the painting equipment and paper. She did her painting at our old house. When we moved to this house in 2004, she didn’t do it anymore. I don’t know why.

She liked reading and doing puzzles so when she wasn’t doing housework or cooking dinners that is how she relaxed. When i was younger she was fantastic at knitting. She knitted everything for me and my brother.
I know what you mean when you say being on your own. I do too. I know what i have said about accepting my brother for who he is ,but it would be nice for him to just mention mam and recognise my sadness.

I see that you are sad too. As you have said you would be planning these projects together and with it being the holidays, it will be very hard for you given it is the first Summer break without your beautiful mam.

Mam would be pleased that the car is fixed. Just back for a small repair in a fortnight. It means i can get around a bit more.

I found out they do 14 inch by 10 inch frames on Amazon so I will get one for mam’s painting. I will have to think where to put it. When mam passed away, i put up quite a lot of pictures of mam. There were some before on the cabinets mainly 6 x 4 framed ones but I also put up three larger ones on the wall in our living room. Plus i had a pressed flower from dad’s funeral flowers and i pressed one of mam’s funeral flowers and i have framed them together.
Sending you all my blessings and best wishes.Stephen.

[Sparrow2]

Your Mam had so many skills. She was such a home-maker. Your Mam created a loving, safe home for you and your brother. She chose hobbies which are quiet, calm, gentle and peaceful. My Mum liked reading and sewing when she wasn’t cleaning, cooking and caring for me. It is a lovely thought to put both flowers from your Mam and Dad’s floral tributes together. Did you do your volunteering yesterday? How was it? Take care

[daughter7]

That just sounds like my mum, it’s so sad the loss of all that…

[Stephen65]

Good morning Sparrow2

Lovely to hear from. Your mum was very skilled also. The only thing mam could not do, unlike your lovely mum, was sewing. Dad was a miner as i have mentioned before, but he was brilliant with sewing. If any buttons needed reattaching, turning trouser bottoms up and years ago darning too.

I have just got back from the cemetery. I know for us both Saturday is a sad day, sometimes even more than usual. I always go in the dining room where mam’s NHS bed was just before the time she passed away. I sit there and cry. I was thinking that from today I still sit for 10 minutes around 11.40am, but instead of sitting in the chair where I was sat when mam passed away, I would sit in my armchair in the living room instead. What do you think?

Although I got my car back on Thursday, the garage told me on Wednesday that it might not be done until Friday so I contacted Sarah and asked her to remove me for Friday. So i should be doing my first shift on Tuesday.
After a coffee, I am going to change the bedding. A job I love to hate. Mam and dad used to do them together. When dad passed away, mam did them on her own while I was at school. When I finished school, we did them together but for the last 2 years I did them because it was too much for mam.

Is your bedroom nearly done and your mum’s bedroom back as it was? Are you going anywhere today?

God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen.

[Stephen65]

Good morning Wuu.

How are you? I hope you are okay. Up here in Yorkshire, the weather for the last few weeks has been acceptable. I mean that we haven’t had the further heatwaves. It has been around 21 degrees and breezy with some sunshine.

I prefer that. Dad had COPD so did not like hot weather because it impaired his breathing. Mam also had COPD. When I asked mam she used to say: I don’t like it too hot or too cold Stephen.

Mam was mainly cold. She still had her little vests and bodywarmers on along with a short sleeve jumper even if it was hot. Bless her. I enjoyed making her feel comfortable and looked after.

I haven’t been out much since I picked the car up. I was up at the cemetery yesterday morning. I am not going anywhere today but my brother said he would call. Have you been anywhere?

God bless and sending you all my best wishes. Stephen.

[Stephen65]

Good morning Sparrow2.

How are you today? Are you going anywhere? My brother is calling today, so i will be staying at home.

Recently I have been going through some old documents. My mam’s mam, my grandma knew a chap who she got to trace her family tree history. When grandma passed away, mam brought all the documents and we have them.

I have looked through them before ,but yesterday I spent the afternoon going through them. It was really interesting. I need to do more research. The family tree covers both grandma and grandad’s side of the family. It goes back as far as the early 1800s.

One thing I found out using the documents is that my great grandma’s family lived at Hilltop in Eastwood Nottingham. A burgeoning mining community. She was born in 1886 and she attended the Beauvale school for girls and boys. The other interesting thing is that the famous novelist DH Lawrence was born a street away in 1885 and they used to attend the same school. My great great grandad was very respected in the community. He was the local pork butcher that all the families used including the Lawrence family.

There is more further research but I love doing it but I need to rotate it with my reading which I also love to do.

God bless and sending you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.

[Wuu]

Good morning Stephen.
It sounds as though you’re turning a corner on your grief and with your family history you’re rediscovering it sounds fascinating.
I’ve always found socio-documentaries really interesting. It’s amazing to think how our families went about their lives back in the day.
My grandparents from my mums’ side I can trace quite far back.
Granddad was born in 1903 and one of 13! (I was told to keep him quiet as a child they would encourage him to draw).
Grandad was an amazing artist, he would take his sketchbook everywhere. He could get commissions for his portraits!
My great grandad looked after horses and did that in ww1 too. Although he was a tailor by trade.
Grandad was brought up by his older sister who was a nurse and her husband (they lived in nurse’s accommodation). She was very kind and she was affectionately known as ‘Sis’ and lived until she was 98 years old!
They all came from the EastEnd of London. But always moving.
Yesterday and I saw a couple of live bands which were really good but I’ve been feeling like a complete outsider most of the time so I didn’t stay long yesterday. Friday was when I volunteer at my library for a few hours with the Children’s Summer Reading Challenge. Which runs up and down the country.
Some kids just are determined to get their stickers to read at least 6 books in 6 weeks and others it’s more that their parents thinks it’s a good idea that they come along (it’s quite funny really, you can tell by their faces).
Hope you have a lovely day. Sending you warmest wishes. Wuu

[Stephen65]

Hello Wuu.

I keep trying and I would not want not to cry. I am sure you will understand my meaning there. I have cried a few times this morning. Like I said to someone in a one off message, I keep doing things for mam and dad too. As you do Wuu with all the things that you and your mum did together.

Your family history sounds very interesting. Your grandad a man who loved sketching and art work being brought up by his lovely sister and your great grandad working with horses. People who worked with horses were sometimes known as Ostlers.
I love reading fiction and non fiction as I have told you before. Not recently, but a few years ago I could not read enough books about the East End of London. I loved its long history. Think of what was happening there when your grandad was born and your great grandad would have been there in 1888 during the Ripper murders. So fascinating.

When I started teaching above 30 years ago now I always started off with my Year 7 classes about reading. I could do a full lesson on that alone. One question was: how many of you are reading a book at the moment? This was generally 30 pupils to a class. Back then boys and girls nearly every hand went up.

Fast forward to a few years before I retired. Ask the same question. I was lucky if students put their hands up. I wish i had £10 for every parent who asked me on Parents’ Evening: Can you tell me how i can get X to start to read books again? I did answer, but I couldn’t change anything in their home or environment. I showed a love for books and Literature in my lessons and by promoting that i hoped it influenced them.

I envy you your library work. I would love to do it. I have heard of the 6 books in 6 weeks. Not easy if they don’t read a lot, but how fantastic if some of those come away from.those sessions with a love of reading.

Glad you got out to see a couple of bands. I know what you mean when you say you knew when to leave. I still feel lonely when I am out. I’m not antisocial but a lot of people don’t want to engage

I said to Mccoy1 earlier. On here we can tell each other how we are feeling and everybody supports and listens to each other. We can rely on each other.

I feel sometimes if I respond to other posts occasionally on other threads and add about mam that they aren’t always interested. I don’t know why? Same when I speak about mam to other people out in the world. I can see they don’t want to listen or to engage.

God bless Wuu. Sending you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.

[Bach]

Good evening Stephen,

How are you doing this evening? I hope you’re enjoying your horror film. I’m with your dad on this one- I avoid them completely!

It’s good that you’ve had a chat with your brother today and talked about the past. I’ve been to see my dad as usual today but he doesn’t really talk about anything. It’s hard although I know he tries. It’s just what he’s like.

Your family tree sounds like a great plan. I was contacted by a guy your age on facebook a few years ago. He was a retired teacher too and was doing ours. He’d got quite far back and we were able to see where we fit in to the branches. My dad and aunt were really interested too. I’ve probably got it on my email still somewhere- it’s really interesting how people moved round in search of work with the railways etc.

Anyway I just wanted to check in and see how you are. Sending my best wishes.

[Stephen65]

Hello Bach.

Lovely to hear from. I am doing okay thanks. Always sad about mam. I miss her so much as I know you miss your mum too.

It was nice to reminisce with Paul about our grandparents. We were talking about grandad who was a coal miner. He worked 50 years down the pit. On some days because grandad was on a days regular shift, about 5.30am until 1.30pm, we used to meet him getting off the pit bus and then we all went to grandma’s.
We spoke about some of the things we used to do. We only ever lived two minutes from them.

I went up to the cemetery yesterday, but nowhere today. I got my car back from the garage on Thursday so I am mobile again now. Good job really because tomorrow is shopping day. It used to be Friday for me and mam but it is too sad for me to go on a Friday now.

It is good that you have been visiting your dad. Even sometimes when nothing is being said, you are both together. Like on an afternoon when I was reading in my chair and mam was napping in hers. Not speaking but there for each other.

I know the other week you went to the Trafford centre where you went with your mum. Have you been anywhere else where you used to go together this week?

Mam has had the family tree stuff since grandma passed in 1999..i have looked at it, but yesterday was the first time that I spent time with it. Very interesting and gives me more research to do.

I am enjoying the film. Mam loved them too. As her Alzheimer’s made her more anxious, I stopped us watching them because it used to upset her, so for the last couple of years I left them alone, but up to then mam liked them very much.

It is lovely to hear from you and thank you again for your message. I send you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.

[Sparrow2]

Hello Stephen, How are you? Has your volunteering started? We always encouraged children to participate in the Summer Reading Challenge. We used to invite the librarian into school in September to give out the certificates. It is true what you say about the family environment influencing children’s reading for pleasure. I always encourage the sharing of books at home. I had the great privilege of knowing Lynn (from the 7 Up programme), an amazing librarian, lady and East Ender. Family trees are so interesting. Your Mum keeping hold of your family trees is so precious. My Dad was in the army and I would like (when I retire) to do a bit more delving through Polish military records. I feel a need to do this as it maintains that connection and identity, that I was part of a family and these are my roots. A number of years back, a distant relative retired and researched our UK family tree. I also briefly explored the Ancestry site. I enjoyed reading about your interest in the East End and Wuu’s family history. We have similarities among us! My family on my Mum’s side are East Enders! I attended a local history talk a few months ago. This Saturday is the Festival of Britain which celebrates The Great Exhibition. I hope to briefly attend this event. I am still sorting out my room. The decorator starts tomorrow at 8am! Today, my sister held a remembrance birthday celebration for her late husband. I am travelling back on the train. I went to the cemetery on Monday. I also popped into the florist where I saw a ‘spirit’ shortly after Mum died. I asked the florist about her experience as she turned first. It is true what you say about doing things for our Mums. I know Mum wanted me to redecorate my room and would have wanted me to attend the birthday meal. It is hard as Mum would have been part of the decision making for my room (choosing paints etc). She was so practical. Today was the first time that I attended a gathering with my sister’s friends without my lovely Mum. My Mum would have been so happy that I went. We always went there at least twice in the summer. Now I don’t feel the same going there. It feels like it is a different era, that I am a different person. I feel closer and more settled at home, even though it was lovely to see them all. Someone shared a saying along these lines - We do not see with our eyes, but with our heart and spirit and that connection is always there. Take care

[Stephen65]

Good evening Sparrow2.

Thank you for your lovely message. It is always great to hear from you.

The volunteering went well thank you. I was in the museum. Sarah who organises it wasn’t there. So in the museum there’s a large table. The object handling boxes are stored away. They rotate them. Today was fossils. So i unpacked them and set them up and then read quickly so I was knowledgeable about them. The museum was busy today and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was like teaching again. The good bit. It was great speaking to all sorts of visitors and I loved asking the children questions. In fact I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t finish until 1.30pm. It should be 1.00pm.

There was a lady who works there near to where I was. I spoke with her too. She was sat doing stuff on a laptop. She said to me that of all the people she had seen doing that task, she had never seen anyone as good as me at it. She also said it was obvious that everyone enjoyed speaking with me which was good of her to say so. She said some volunteers don’t engage with the public. Some hardly turn up. I told her i was a regular fixture. Looking forward to Friday.

Is 7up the programme that was on a few years ago? They kept going back after a few years. We all have you, me and Wuu an East End connection in different ways.

Local history and family history is so special and interesting. When you get the chance definitely look up your dad’s service record.
Is the Festival of Britain celebration local to you or is it in London? My mam’s dad went there in 1951. He brought mum a Festival of Britain coin/medal back. I have it upstairs now.

You will be up early tomorrow for the decorator. I bet you will be glad when it’s done. I bet it will look lovely.
I remember you telling me about the spirit sighting in the florists. She saw too didn’t she? Me and mam are and were big believers in the spirit realm.

I am glad you have been to your sister’s celebration of her husband’s birthday. So tough and sad to be there without your lovely mum for the first time. All these firsts and more besides are so heartbreaking for us because of the wonderful relationship we had with our mums.

I agree with you Sparrow2. I am always glad to get home. It is a really warm feeling like I am returning to mam. I know i carry my keyring when I go out ,but I feel so different when I get home. I always give mam’s cushion a kiss and say: we are home beautiful mam.

Tomorrow I have booked again on a coach trip to Scarborough. I think this is the fourth time or fifth that I have been, but I get a lot of pleasure knowing it was where me and mam over four years and 24 stays in our hotel, made so many special memories. I will just do the same as before. I never get fed up. Some people used to say to mam and me. Don’t you get fed up of going? We always said no because we never did get fed up. Lovely hotel. Full English breakfast. A four course evening meal and then the entertainment in the lounge. Wonderful it was.

Hope your decorating goes well tomorrow. I mean I know it will, but nice to get it completed.

Sending you all my blessings and kindest regards. Stephen.

[Bach]

Hi Stephen, it’s so lovely to hear you had a good day volunteering. I was hoping it went well for you so have been waiting for an update. It sounds like you are a natural.

I hope you have a lovely day out in Scarborough. I have struggled a lot the last week or so and have been feeling very isolated so I’m thinking I perhaps need to follow your advice and have a day out somewhere.

I hope the sun shines for you and your mam in Scarborough. Best wishes.

[Stephen65]

Good evening Bach.

Lovely to hear from you. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. The holidays aren’t helping. I know you deserve a break, but it is the first without your beloved mum and that is so heartbreaking for you and feeling not only the passing of your mum, but missing and reflecting on the occasions and outings you both had together.

When I am heading home or getting home I feel so relieved to be back with mam. Like today. I had such a good time talking to people at the Museum. When I got home though I was upset.

We miss them so much. We did fantastically well to have such loving, thoughtful and caring mums.

Thank you for wishing us both a good day in Scarborough tomorrow. I really appreciate it. I will head to all our usual places that we went to. Memories of me and mam walking around a couple of years ago. She did so well. She would never have a stick. She linked my arm and we made steady progress. Then from March 2025 I persuaded mam to go a wheelchair. She didn’t want to but after the first day or so she enjoyed it.

Thank you again for your kind words and I hope you think of somewhere where you can have a bit of time out, where you and your mum were together as always on an outing. Sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen.

[Stephen65]

Good evening Wuu.

I hope you are as well as you can be. I was wondering because I know you post your messages quite regularly on here.

I did my first two volunteering sessions this week. I enjoyed them. People who work there are lovely and made me feel comfortable. I also enjoyed talking with and meeting people.

On Wednesday I had another day trip to Scarborough. It was nice to visit because it will always be me and mam there together in my heart.

When me and mam went, we only went when the children were at school. It was always lovely and quiet. We used to go at the start of July and go back in early September when they were back at school.

It was full of families on Wednesday. Not bad in the off the beaten track parts me and mam went, but when i got onto the seafront, you could hardly walk along the pavements for people.

My brother called yesterday. I was up at the cemetery very early on Tuesday because I could not make it on Wednesday. I am heading up there again on Monday.

I hope your week has been okay. I have been crying even more than usual this week. I know i get out, but it is when you walk through the front door when it hits you.

God bless. Sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen.

[Stephen65]

Hello Sparrow 2.

How are you doing? I hope you are okay as you can be. I was just saying that this week I have been crying more and more.

I did my second volunteer session today. Met some lovely staff and members of the public. However, it wasn’t as busy today as it was on Tuesday.

Scarborough was lovely,but very busy. So busy on the front that you could not walk without having to get out of people’s way. Luckily I went around the old town, backstreets, St Mary’s Church and the castle for most of the time like me and mam used to do.

We only used to go to Scarborough when the children were back at school. The second week in September being the first visit of the new season for us.

Did the decorator get your room done? I bet you have got it all shipshape now. Have you been up to the cemetery since we last spoke?

I am heading up there in the morning. I always set off early. I have used my car quite a lot since it was repaired and it is running well. I do have it booked in on Wednesday for a minor oil leak repair that they spotted when they mended it last time.

Take care and sending you all my warmest wishes. Stephen.

[Wuu]

Good evening Stephen,
I’m glad that you are enjoying your volunteering work at the museum. I can imagine you’re a real asset for them with the way you describe you like to read up first on all the artifacts you’re in charge of.
Scarborough sounds great and you have those lovely memories of just you and your mam wandering leisurely around.
I know what you mean about a place can be packed and you just want to seek the quieter parts of the town. But that is a thing with Scarborough being very popular especially now it’s school holidays.
It is a strange thing that the more you can build up the going about places without your lovely mam that the grief and tears can hit the moment you walk through your door.
It’s like the mind is saying ‘well you had a nice time - but I’ll just remind you of who you left behind…’ Like a guilt trip. It is hard to move on when those moments/memories happen isn’t it?
You mentioned you and your mam liked horror films. My mum was more into espionage like Foyles War. She found horror movies terrifying- reckon she had a vivid imagination! She loved Foyles War Hours and hours clocked up!
I did see once the worst horror film (for me anyway) called Saw (either 1,2,3..? Can’t remember) but it was horrific! I don’t know if you have seen it? I think it was years ago now. Stays in ya mind!
I did my volunteering at the library Summer Reading Challenge today. So more kids receiving their medals and certificates with stickers having read 6 books. And there is still 4 weeks to go. So all good there.
I know certain catchments struggle but this little library pulls out all the stops to encourage all.
Old library, no ac, just big ceiling fans and a very 60’s look (no loo’s either!)
Also the thread on here is like a really supportive group where we really all do respond to each others posts. So we don’t feel so low when missing or mums, mams and nans.
Sending you warmest wishes. Wuu

[Wuu]

Good evening Sparrow
How are you? I know with your time off from school you are able to get as few things done in the break. It’s a hard adjustment when all new changes like even redecorating a bit that you would love to show your mum. I do reckon that your mum would always appreciate what ever your decision would be.
It’s important to still stick to routines but it is so hard isn’t it?
Like the fact you like to keep the garden looking good (but even the weather is against us) carrying buckets of water is no joke.
I’m glad you’re doing your evening walks and with a neighbour now that you can talk more about your mum with. Also looking out for that little cat you mentioned.
My mum would always encourage especially a black cat to ‘cross her path’ for good luck. It had to be jet black tho!
Take care and sending you warmest wishes. Wuu