Thank you very much. Hope you have a reasonable day.
I saw an episode of a programme last night on Netflix which I thought summed it up.
It was called The Boroughs. Fiction show. A chap on there had lost his wife and someone asked if he was okay. He responded by saying he was so angry, people carrying on as normal, chatting, living their lives, while he said his life was broken. Not a life really.
Sending all my best wishes. God bless. Stephen.
Hi Stephen
Yes it’s very hard to comprehend loss of someone who has been with you for all your life. It’s a massive loss of connection. I think the Mary Curie to connect with will be another good thing for support just as this platform is. Do always feel you can share your memories of your mum here. It is going to be a struggle to make sense of loss and why our mum’s had to go. As you said that your mum was 82 years and that today is not necessarily an age to go. My mum just reached her 79 birthday by one week but honestly the last 5 months was so terribly sad and watching her just fade because of the awful cancer was taking her. My mum was never an ‘old’ lady, people when they saw and chatted with her thought she was nearer 60. She was vibrant and smiley. She was very independent and I could see she was trying to fight her glioblastoma until one day into the new year (last year) she really quietly said: “it’s not working..” she was referring to her pain relief meds. And then she said “I want to go home”.. she was already at home. I just said “you are at home mum, you’re here, at home with me”. She had tears in her eyes. It was really harrowing. She just couldn’t fight any more. And now, well it’s just sooo empty. All the places I visit I can’t share anything with her anymore. Grief is awful. It makes us who live on, somehow, feel like the purpose has gone with out our mums. I found after a year that Carers in Herts where you are contacted by phone and just to be able to share the grief experienced from loss can be helpful. So Mary currie may also help you too. Stay strong Stephen. Grief can just creep up on us and that crying is the way the mind heals the heart. Sending you Kindest wishes. W
Hi Sparrow 2
It is very hard to comprehend loss and why our mums had to go it’s hard to watch the happy families especially over bank holiday Monday, without a stress and laughing with each other in the sunshine. Mum always like to be out and about. She wasn’t too keen on the heat yet always was wrapped up she always had freezing cold hands and would wear her mittens on her bicycle! She’d put her lipstick on just to go shopping and always liked her hair to be styled. (Way too much hairspray). But when she was very poorly and not able to go out I would set her hair do a light trim which she really appreciated. Helped her with her makeup and that. I felt even with respite care this is what would boost her wellbeing. I used to find it took all morning but that didn’t matter she was still there and we’d chat and chat for ages. It’s very surreal how now she’s gone it’s incredibly empty. Sending you much kindness and wishes. W
Hello Wuu.
God bless you and your lovely mum. Your message had me in tears when you were talking about your mum and when she said she wanted to go home. It is so sad Wuu.
You had a wonderful life together and the last few months for your mum and you, sound so heartbreaking, but you both battled on. Your beautiful mum and you caring for her as you always have done.
79 like 82 is no age at all. Since mam passed and I see in the news or elsewhere that a named person has just had their 90th birthday, I feel so angry and think why couldn’t my beloved mam get to her 90th birthday?
Your mum and my mam sound very similar Wuu. Mam was always lively and had such a wonderful smile. People used to say to her as well that she didn’t look her age, just like your mum.
When mam went out she always had her lipstick on, her eyeliner on and her eyeshadow on. She loved blue eyeshadow. Also she had her hair done at home by a hairdresser every month. She had blonde hair and liked her hair short but not too short and in a slightly spiked style. In addition to this, she always had a pair of earrings in.
As mam’s Alzheimer’s got slightly worse, she lost the independence of doing that so I used to brush her hair and style it with gel or lacquer. Put her earrings in and then put her make up on. When I put her lipstick on i always used to say, roll your lips together mam.
People always complimented mam on her appearance. I never told anyone except you now and my brother that for the last couple of years it was me doing it to help her. I was just happy mam was happy.
I know what you mean Wuu. If I go out now even though I am out in the world, I don’t feel part of the world anymore now that mam isn’t here.
I nipped to Morrisons in Doncaster this morning. The bread we like, we could not get locally. While I was there, I had a coffee in their cafe. I sat there with my coffee looking across at where mam would be sat enjoying her coffee and missing her so much. All around were people chatting, smiling and living their lives, while mine and yours too Wuu, had ground to a heartbreaking halt.
It is lovely to hear from you. I know it has been a few days. Please keep in touch and it is good to be able to talk about memories of our beloved mums.
God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes. Stephen .
Thank you Stephen for your kind words. Yes it does get very hard emotionally like my heart is completely broken and is never going to heal. You sound very adapt at helping with your mums make up and her appearance. I am absolutely sure she appreciated all the care that you were taking as she had done for herself when she was more independent. And then her dependence relied upon you and it sounded as though you were doing a really grand job as people were positively commenting how good you’re mum was looking. It’s memories we now have and this is why it is so important to share them on this platform. So you’re never feeling alone with those memories. Our mums deserve to be cherished forever. For all their love they gave to us and care when we needed being cared for. And that’s just it, without them it’s now just a very cold world. I know it still feels very surreal mums gone. It’s her face on my phone smiling back at me. I took that picture never for one moment thinking I wouldn’t be able to hug her again. It’s a picture by a beautiful bird sanctuary her with her mittens on, hat and jacket on in April! Always cold but she was the warmest person. Every body said mum was a lovely person and the nicer people are the more it can make me cry especially last May when she passed. I am sure you may find it the same that ‘nice’ comments can just tip you over. That you think a lovely comment about your mum should be sort of healing 
but you know it’s never going to be enough. Grief is so strange. Time they say is a healer. But it’s really how we cope with loss and that’s only through tiny steps. Which sometimes have a habit of going in reverse. But that’s ok. It doesn’t matter it’s just about more time needed and we are all here on this platform to support each other. Here Stephen you are never alone it is always so nice to read about what you and your mum did. Many things I can really relate to its a real comfort. Sending you kindest wishes. W
Thank you Wuu.
Mam, like your mum was always cold even in the summer. Even though i wasn’t always cold, when mam said she was cold, I always put the heating on. It didn’t matter when or for how long.
Even in the summer, mam, God bless her, always had a thermal vest on which I changed for her twice a day; a jumper and a thick body warmer plus her coat when she went out and mam always had her gloves on for most months of the year when we went out except maybe the three summer months. Although if it was a stiff breeze and she was in her wheelchair, she would have had a pair on.
Also like you Wuu, the picture on my phone is mam smiling on the seafront at Scarborough with her coat on and her hair and make up looking immaculate. She was very happy and looks so happy there. I never imagined where we are now.
Take care. Sending you all my best wishes. Stephen.
Thank you Stephen for your message. The picture you describe of your mum in Scarborough on the beach with her gloves on I can imagine, my mum would have been the same! Take care, keep chatting, stay strong and keep well in the heat. For your mum would definitely want to see you as not with a broken heart 
. W
Thanks Wuu.
We will stay in touch. Nice to talk about our memories of our mums.
God bless. Stephen.
Hi @Stephen65
Yes I think people who are not going through it would understand what that chap on the programme or anyone grieving really feels like. Hope you have as good a day as you can. Take good care 
Good morning Tigerlily2.
Thank you as always. I decided to stay in today. Just doing a few jobs. Even though i finished teaching 6 years ago, I have just been sorting out my briefcase and laptop. Looking through at the old paperwork, I am so glad I don’t do that anymore. You too have the best day that you can.
Best wishes.Stephen.
Sorry @Stephen65
I realised I hadn’t replied to your message. I imagine teaching is hard work. How has your day been today. It’s hot again where I live. I hope it hasn’t been too hot where you live.
Hello Stephen, You took such great care of your Mum. I can imagine your Mum all wrapped up. I think that older people do feel the cold. I bought my Mum a pink fleece with a hood which she enjoyed wearing at home. My Mum always said things to make me laugh … she called it her piggy jumper! My brother-in-law died and it triggered memories of happy times which have gone and I can’t get back. I have had multiple deaths in a short space of time. I am trying to do things which bring joy as my Mum would want me to live a happy life.
Lots of teachers hold onto resources … just incase. It must feel good to declutter all of that paperwork.
How are you doing Wuu?
Hello Tigerlily2.
A while ago I booked a day trip to Scarborough for today. Me and mam used to go 6 times a year for 5 days at a time. Wonderfully happy memories.
So today was the first time there without mam. Mam loved Scarborough. The last year mam was in a wheelchair for distances. Today was a visit to all the places we used to go. All our memories. Drink, eat, sightseeing and I even went to the hotel we go in ,but I could not go in because they are so lovely. They don’t know about mam and I would have been in tears.
I have been back in 20 minutes. Weather was nice but with a lovely breeze. So thank you, I did enjoy it. I had mam on the keyring i had made and kept showing her the scenery and held it in the palm of my hand.
Thank you as always for keeping in touch. I hope you are as okay as you can be. I send you all my best wishes. Stephen.
Hello Sparrow 2.
Lovely to hear from you. I kept a few teaching bits. Lesson observations and performance management stuff. I could not bring myself to throw them out.
Another similarity between our mums. They both liked to keep warm and I loved getting mam all tucked up and warm. It was good for mam, but I so enjoyed doing it for her.
I have been at Scarborough today. Just a one day coach trip. Because we went for all those years for 6 times a year, I thought I would go back. The first time without mam though. I was holding tears back a lot of the time. I had mam on the keyring i had made. Showing her exactly where we were plus holding it in the palm of my hand.
I suppose today was a pilgrimage to revisit where me and mam were happy in days gone by. All the places we used to visit. I even went to our hotel but I could not bring myself to go in. They are lovely and liked mam very much but they do not know about mam and if they had asked I would I have just broke down crying.
Did you say your brother in law has passed away? I know you visited last week and I remember you saying he was in palliative care. I send you my condolences. A very sad time still for you and your family.
Thank you for keeping in touch. I really appreciate it. Sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen.
Hi @Stephen65
That was brave if you to go to Scarborough and visit all the places you and your dear mam went to together. It was lovely that you had mam on your key ring and were showing her everything as you walked about. I have had a good day thanks. Take care
Hi Tigerlily2.
It was quite sad thinking of mam. We were always together. When she could walk, we walked and I was at her side holding her arm and thelast year I was behind her pushing the wheelchair. I always stopped and went to the front to speak to mam and mam was always saying something, so we were always chatting. Glad you are okay today.
Best wishes Stephen
Hi @Stephen65
I imagine it must have been sad for you thinking of the memories you had with mam. Sending you a
Hello Stephen, Firsts are hard - I find visiting happy places emotional as it reminds me of such happy times that I won’t get again. I then have to change my mindset and think that Mum wants to be happy. I went to 2 places recently where Mum loved to go. One place we started visiting when I was around 12. My Dad was alive then and a big group of us used to go regularly. Mum and I kept going there after my Dad died. It was one of her special places to visit. The last time I visited was with Mum. I then visited another place today that Mum liked. She always got talking to people when we went out. People took to her instantly as she was so down-to-earth and understood others. Mum loved parks, the countryside and gardens. I bought some flowers which I will put in the garden that Mum was so proud of. The keyring of your Mum is lovely as you are never alone, you have your Mum with you wherever you go. You did well to go Stephen. It would not have been even. I imagine that you felt close to your Mum going to a special place that you both enjoyed. Yes, my brother-in-law has died. Memories of my Mum came back. We are a very small family which is getting smaller. Take care Stephem.