Hello Wuu, I am completely the same. I cannot accept that Mum is not here. I barely can write it now. I do not want to accept it. You had no time to mentally prepare for what happened. I was similar as Mum died suddenly. Our Mums knew us better than anyone and always had our best interests. Like you, I also use ChatGP for advice. I would never have needed to do this when Mum was here. It is hard Wuu. Like you, I also keep busy but there are certain places I struggle to go to. Twice a year, there is a local history gathering. I can’t go there now as I cannot bear to go without Mum. I find this site useful as we can talk with each other when we are at home. Bereavement groups happen at a set time and it might not always be the time that we need support. Keep strong Wuu. Your Mum was a strong lady and will be supporting you. Take care
Hello all, it’s lovely to read all your stories of your mums and mam as always. My mum would also say goodnight, god bless too. I say it to her picture now every night and it was the last thing I said to her when we said goodbye.
This is going to be a tough time for us all. I know you’re coming up to the anniversary Sparrow and I am dreading the next few months too. October my mum had a scan which I took her for but she was her usual self. Half term week was my nieces 17th birthday…. My mum was there but wasn’t feeling right. I can’t believe my niece will be 18 and my mum won’t get to see it. She’s already changed so much in that time…. It’s just not fair.
Anyway after that mum went in to hospital at the start of November with a bit of confusion but we still thought she’d recover. That time of year is filled with reminders especially in a school. It’s going to be tough. the first Christmas was only 2 weeks after we lost her so it was very raw and about survival really. We’d not even had the funeral…. So I’ve no idea what will happen this year. There’s such a gaping hole in life now it’s scary to even think of it.
Anyway, hope you don’t mind me joining in… it’s always lovely to hear from you all.
Good evening Sparrow2
Thanks for your message. I do the same as well when I leave mam and dad’s grave and my grandparents.
If i could find something round here to volunteer on Christmas day, then I would readily do it. I will have to look into it. Thanks for the link although I haven’t tried it yet.
I know exactly what you mean about the new year. Going forward I hadn’t even thought of that. Me, mam and dad never made much of new year. Many years ago we stayed up till midnight and wished each other a happy new year. A few years before dad passed away we started going to bed before midnight which me and mam continued.
Good to hear from you. God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen
Good Evening Bach,
It’s really good to hear from you.
The ‘firsts’ of missing all the things that we all shared with our mums, mams and Nans is terribly hard to process at times.
And the gaping hole that mums’ loss has created is a sad fact of my life now and I’m sure reading all your posts here, it’s a feeling that you may all recognise too.
I really hope that although the evenings draw in darker, earlier day by day that we can share a ‘light’ for each other for support in what will be a challenging Autumn for us all. 
Sending you all my kindest wishes.
Wuu
Good evening Bach.
Lovely to hear from you. It seems it is something all our mums had in common. It is so lovely you continue it on a night with your mum’s picture before you go to bed.
I just said to Sparrow2 that because mam always said it when we were up at the cemetery together, I continue to say goodnight and god bless to mam and dad and my grandparents when I set off home.
I was up there again this morning as I always do on a Wednesday and a Saturday. If i can find somewhere where I live to volunteer on Christmas day, I will. There isn’t a Christmas without my beautiful mam. I have told my brother I won’t be sending any cards or presents this year. I will put up my card to mam and mam’s card to me from last Christmas. The same with my birthday card in November.
God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen.
Good to hear from you Bach. I know what you mean about school and Christmas. There is such a build-up. Mum used to say, “Christmas is everyday.” She was always so thankful about the small things in life. I ended up thinking of Christmas in that way, which helped me get through it last year.
Wuu, I’ve just remembered something that has helped me which I will share. I asked AI how to get through the 1st anniversary. I described how I was feeling and the shock that I had at the time. It asked me about Mum’s qualities. It then said something along the lines of Mum’s death does not define her, but that she had a whole life. I then cried as it described how her activities - tea together, gardening - were about spending time together. It was so true. Mum loved spending time together. Also, I am focused on thar awful phone call but Mum had a whole life that we shared. Somehow, I need to reframe my thinking and focus on that. I hope this helps you too.
Hi Sparrow,
Thank you for your message.
I do try to stay strong and keep busy.
But grief does have a way of creeping up and especially when I’m tired.
And you’re right with bereavement groups, as they are not always readily accessible and sometimes the topics in discussion are not that relevant-so can’t help emotionally.
How you mentioned that your mum passed away suddenly like my mum. Is really sad.
My mums’ was without any previous indication of something wrong making for another layer of grief in its self.
It makes the grief more difficult to process. With mums illness, when I read albeit the people are younger than mum, that some people are living with their brain tumours for a good few years.
But then why mum couldn’t?
And why mum was given no chance of any treatment, so no chance or possibility of a good few more years with mum.
It is so unfair.
And so sad.
I don’t think I’ll ever think otherwise.
The heart shaped stone with the message engraved will be a very beautiful tribute to your mum. I think it will also be very emotional for you.
Take care and hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow. Wuu
Thank you Sparrow.
Yes Ai is and can be a great help. Despite negativity surrounding Ai.
If it’s all we have for the moment and without having our mums to run things past, it has to be made use of.
Yes it’s a new life that none of us asked for or wanted. We have to adapt and focus on what being together with our lovely mums meant and focus more on that.
I agree with you to focus on your mums life as a whole and the time you spent with her. 
It’s not just about imagining.
It’s about a stronger belief system.
Our mums and mams are still there for us, albeit in signs, when we look.
It’s for our support and not to dwell on the physical emptyness and just because our mums’, mams’ have gone we must now have to look harder for their signs of warmth. Which will be there.
Take care. Wuu
Good afternoon Sparrow2.
I have used the link you kindly sent me. The design of it looks lovely. I have added it to my wishlist on Amazon and will order it in November. I know if i order it now I won’t feel like putting away for Christmas, but would want to put it out straight away. I am going to put both mam and dad on. Hope you are as okay as you possibly can be.
I had my flu jab this morning. The first without mam. I took Wuu’s very kind idea that mam is and will be on my arm forever. Sending you all my best wishes Stephen.
Good morning Stephen, The heart for your Mum and Dad for Christmas will be your gift to them, like mine will be for Mum’s birthday. These little acts of love help us to keep close and always make me feel that I am doing something for Mum. I find it comforting . Today is Saturday which I know is always hard. Breaking my Saturday cleaning routine has helped me. We used to always have our flu jabs together. Last year, I had mine for the first time without Mum. I used to have my jab to protect Mum. I decided to have it still as Mum always wanted me to keep well and so I was doing it for her. Both our Mums will be pleased that we are taking care of ourselves. Take care
Good morning Wuu, You have put it very eloquently. You have often said how your Mum was a strong person and your advisor. I can see that the strength she had is also within you. I remember something that my counsellor told me. She said that Mum and I co-regulated when either of us were worried or upset. Your Mum and you probably did the same. She also said that I have that within me, as it was like a dance that Mum and I had. Having practised it so many times, I had it within me. I now try to draw upon that. I hope that you feel the benefit from this sunny day that we have. Take care
Good morning Sparrow.
It is lovely to hear from you. I was up at the cemetery at 7.45am. It is never busy always quiet, but I like to be able to chat to mam and dad and my grandparents. The thing is I tell them all the same things in the house too, but i couldn’t go and not have a chat.
You’re right about a gift to them. Before you told me about what you had ordered for your mum, i was thinking that I wanted to get something for Christmas and now I know what to get. Thank you.
We are all of us a team with our mums. We are and were inseparable. When i got back from the cemetery i had a coffee and now I am going to do some housework. I am always doing housework, but it keeps me busy and occupied.
As you said, Saturdays are very emotional and I know that by sitting in the dining room every Saturday for 10 minutes around the time mam passed away, upsets me very much, but I feel that I need to do it.
I have had quite a few signs from mam this week which cheers me up a bit. Sending you my warmest wishes. Stephen.
Good morning Sparrow,
Thank you for your message and saying how mum was a strong person and that you can see that mum’s strength and advice can transcend to me. That means such a lot.
Losing mum, I don’t think will ever leave me.
You mentioned your councillor commented that you and your mum were co-regulating. It sounds very true.
You were so close that you were both each others’ support and having to now adapt, with half of that support is so very tough.
I totally understand.
It takes a lifetime to build up and it will be a huge part to rebuild.
The hole that your lovely mum has left. 
Yes, it’s important to remember your mum as her ‘whole life’.
Your lovely mum, who was there for you always, as you were and are, for her.
I know that my mum’s end of life was such a traumatic time for me.
That I have to keep with the ‘whole of mums life’ approach.
As you said. Or else I will just cry.
Today is a bit overcast weather wise, gloomy and gray.
Yesterday was sunny. I will follow the sun!
Take care. Sending you warmest of wishes. Wuu.
To and from our beautiful mum’s, mam’s, and nan’s..
One day you’ll look to see I’ve gone
For tomorrow may rain, so I’ll follow the sun
Some day you’ll know I was the one
But tomorrow may rain, so
I’ll follow the sun
And now the time has come
And so my love I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you’ll know
One day you’ll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain, so
I’ll follow the sun
Yes, tomorrow may rain, so
I’ll follow the sun
And now the time has come
And so my love I must go
And though I lose a friend
In the end you’ll know
One day you’ll find that I have gone
But tomorrow may rain, so
I’ll follow the sun (Beatles)
Sweet dreams our dearest mum’s, mam’s and nan’s x
Good afternoon Wuu.
Thank you for taking the time to write and post this for us. It is a beautiful poem/ song and the lyrics are very poignant. I must admit it made me cry, but you know me well enough to know that I am always either crying or if not , I am the brink of tears.
God bless and sending you all my kindest regards and best wishes .Stephen .
Hi Stephen,
The lyrics are very poignant. I agree with you. It made me cry too, especially at the start..
“One day you’ll look to see I’ve gone..
And now the time has come
And so my love I must go,
And though I lose a friend
In the end you’ll know”
So heartbreaking. 
I didn’t want for you to have more tears Stephen.
But it’s those words: ‘lose a friend and now you see I’ve gone”..how I always try to alter the script in my head-to not cry for mum.
And then I hear these words.
Silly aren’t I?!
Must be strong for mum.
Our mums, mams would be so sad to see our tears.
Sending you warmest wishes Stephen. Wuu
Hello Wuu.
I really like the poem/ song. I have always been very emotional and mam too. I take after her.
I used to read the news to mum every morning plus newspaper headlines and if there was anything remotely sad, we both started crying.
Thanks again and sending you all my warmest wishes Stephen .
Good afternoon Sparrow,
How are you? How are things?
It’s been a while since I heard from you I hope you are ok.
It’s really starting to feel like Autumn now. With it getting darker in the evenings a lot earlier. Less time to be outside in the garden. I still think about mum each and every day and still even though the weather has changed a lot. I will keep mums garden looking it’s best with the pyracanther winter berries all orange and red along the front fence.
Mum preferred the cooler weather. She’d be wearing her matching mittens and hat now.
It will be 2 years since mums diagnosis. It’s really hard to believe that it’s been nearly that amount of time since I could have a conversation with mum.
To not hear her voice in the real time feels so unreal. And sad.
I know how much your lovely mum meant to you. It’s hard to fathom the loss some days isn’t it?
I do wish you strength and peace today and always.
Thinking of you.
Sending you much kindness. Wuu