You have hit the nail right on the head. I have looked after two of my Grandchildren today which in itself was really hard because although my Husband wasn’t their Grandad he was very much part of helping me look after the youngest one before he started school and it brings back memories of how much my Grandson idolised my Husband. When I took them home I was talking to my Daughter and her partner and mentioned how much I am struggling in general and they really didn’t know what to say. And I agree with you about people suggesting that we need counselling - I too know the cause of all my tears, loneliness, heartbreak and longing
All I really want is for someone to hug me and say that they understand
Hi sending a big hug . And yes we that are going through this understand . Sadly other people don’t . And won’t till they are in our position . Thinking of you . Xtake carex
That’s all I want really, a hug from family and the odd friend saying they understand instead of making me feel such a failure at coping with the loss of Ian.
Hi Julie, your not a failure, there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to grieving, when I lost my son someone wrote in a card “there are no words”, and I remember thinking, ain’t that the truth, the same goes with grieving, it’s a process we need to go through, which really never ends, we don’t need anyones thoughts or advice, just to be listened too, if we cry, let us don’t be embarrassed, it’s just our love escaping, tears cleanse the soul, if we seem sad, it’s because we are, we are lonely without our “Person”, however we are or seem, just tell us that’s okay, we know others don’t have “The answer”, there isn’t one, so your no failure Julie, your a person hurting, I hear you x
Oh my goodness this is exactly how I feel - everyone is getting on with their lives and mine has stopped (or feels like it!) our eldest son and his wife had a baby in May - my husband, Steve, died last October. I will never have a photo of me and him with our grandson and I am so jealous of others who have that and the photos they share of them as a couple. I hate myself for feeling this but know I can’t help it. I miss my life that should be here right now :adhesive_bandage: sending hugs your way xxx
Hi Lou Lou, don’t beat yourself up for how you feel, you are grieving what should have been, be gentle on yourself, hugs, enjoy your Grandson, may he bring you joy x
Grieving is definitely about missing the life you had with your loved one, but also the life without them. When I visit beautiful places alone, without my late husband of nearly 50 years, my sadness is he won’t ever see this landscape or places ever again, he won’t see his beautiful grandson grow into a man. All the future plans together won’t happen. This is grieving and certainly not selfish.
@KimmieLou sending you a hug and I understand. It’s a shame we on this group can’t all meet up as I know reading posts we all feel the same and can understand the tears, loneliness, heartbreak and longing. Thinking of you. x
I understand only too well how everyone is feeling. I was a full time carer for Rob for the last three years of his life then came COVID. I supported Rob physically and he supported me mentally. I feel as if I’m being selfish as he’s not here for me but he was suffering so much but I miss him with all my heart and no one mentions his name of talks about him. I have no children so no grandchildren and everyone thinks I’m over it. How wrong people can be. I put on a brave face but inside I’m screaming with pain. I can’t bear to see couples holding hands either and it upsets me. I see no point in carrying on except my mum has dementia and lives alone and I go there everyday to make sure she’s eaten and to sort her medication but all I want to do is get back home to Rob. Every thing is still the same in the house and I even leave the TV on all day for him because that’s what he liked. I even change channels to something he likes to watch. I can’t accept Rob’s not coming home. I don’t know how to carry on without him and I don’t want to. I miss Rob and just want to be with him. Love and hugs to everyone in the group
I am so sorry fo your loss. Your post is so sad. Perhaps you could grab some crumbs of comfort by knowing that so many of us feel the same as you. I often think about how many people came to our wedding and then my Husband’s funeral and I don’t hear from any of them now. I think that we all put on a brave face even though we are crying inside… I must admit I do think wait until it happens to you because inevitably it will
I have read through your post and all the replies and it hits me again that the only people who understand the feelings are those who have lost their partner. Its 17 months since my P died, we knew he was going to die but never really talked about it as we had initially had hope but once the secondaries took hold we knew it would finish him and , in the end, his pain and quality of life was dreadful so it was better for him but devastating for me. I just have no idea how to “be” and what to do with my life. I am luckier than most as I have a good pension so have been away for holidays on my own to escape but all it does is put in time which sounds very ungrateful when there are people struggling just to live and keep their family going. Its the enormity of what to do with the rest of my life on my own. I am only 62 and we had travelled extensively and independently so I know I can do it, the question is “whats the point?” without P. I just can’t see a point to anything anymore Friends think I am very brave and doing very well but they don’t see the absolute panic I have inside when attending things that we would have done together, I don’t have my other half, the one you knew when I was nervous and who gave me confidence so I don’t have any. Everyone thinks I am so confident but it is exhausting trying to keep up the pretence and I am contemplating just moving away and not joining in with all the sporting activities we used to do together. Sometimes I think it is just running away and it is better to stay where our friends are (they have been brilliant and continue to be so but they dont really understand) then I think it would be better to just go Only those who have lost their beloved will understand. Many thanks GMM
Hi GMM. Don’t make any decisions at the moment about moving away, it’s still very early days, and moving is so stressful, give yourself time to grieve, it is so hard when the person we loved so much has departed, our rock, yes they gave us confidence, sometimes just in a look, no words needed, people can see the outside of us and think we are doing well, but on the inside we are in so much pain, frightened, lonely, aching, I am glad you’ve been able to get away, let the tears flow, let yourself grieve, grieving is a process that cannot be rushed, sending a hug x
:adhesive_bandage:
sending hugs your way xxx