I don’t think your alone, with feelings like these. I have them all the time. What we should have been and could be doing. I can’t help feeling, how much Ann would have liked living, where I am now.
1 Like
Thank you Caz x
1 Like
Hi all, I’m sitting here sobbing my heart out this morning reading all your posts, I can relate to everyone of them, it’s 10 months since I lost my wonderful Pete and I am trying so hard to be strong, I’ve had lots of support from both my family and his, also many friends and they all tell me I’m doing great and coping well, some of the time I guess I am but only when I keep myself distracted, its completely exhausting, they have l gone back to their normal lives, and inside I feel like I’m drowning, it hurts so much!
Someone who came to my house yesterday and said it was like a shrine and that I’ll never be able to move on by keeping it this way.
It has upset me so much, I just want my Pete back, I asked them if they had ever been in love and they answered " I don’t think so’ but they said I do know how you feel having lost good friends! 
People like that just have no idea what we are going through.
I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy, I so need one of his big bear hugs and long to hold his hand, I just want to be with him, but I feel so torn because I couldn’t put my family through what I’ve endured the past 10 months. As many of you have said its a living hell. 
Muldool
12 Likes
Muldoon
I can relate to you and your life. Like you I have several photos of my darling Paul and our family around and I have his casket too as I am waiting to have my ashes added to it one day. It’s 21 months for me and some days are better than others. As others on here have said you can’t hurry grieving and there’s no point in trying. Hopefully we will all find peace at last. Hugs to you.
6 Likes
Of course you’re not alone. We are all grieving, not just for our lost love but also for what that person made US.
I’m a shadow of the person I was when we were together… I’m less motivated, less inspired, and to be honest, less interesting.
Friends are kind, but slowly you realise you’re not getting invited to the ‘couples’ stuff you once were, and you don’t have the same sort of meetings with the ones who were primarily your partner’s buddies.
But all that pales into insignificance against the things that I’m not now doing through my own failings. Its because she’s not there to suggest them, agree to them, share them and just make them far better.
10 Likes
that is Spot on 
3 Likes
@Muldool it’s heartbreaking reading your post. I so wish there were words to comfort you. It is so hard trying to be strong when you feel there is no hope. Like you, I would do absolutely anything to have my husband back. Having a shrine to Pete is lovely and your way of keeping him close along with all your memories. Every waking day/hour /minute is a living hell for all of us living this total nightmare and unless people have experienced it they really do not have a clue. Keep posting your thoughts/feelings, we are here for you. Big hugs and love sent to you. xx
6 Likes
Hi Andy P and Muldoon, no one can tell you how to feel, or should be telling you what you should be doing, we all grieve in our way, in our time, whatever you are doing is right for you, someone may have a complete clear out, another may keep everything, who is to say what is right? Listen to your being, and do what is right for you, and when, there is an old Chinese saying “don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes”, and none of us can ever walk in another’s shoes, we walk our own paths, grieving has no rights or wrongs, no time limit, blank out any negative thoughts from others, grief is also five steps forward, four back! We have good and okay days, then horrid and painful days, we can be okay one hour, and broken the next, it’s all normal, grief is the flip side of love, sending you both a hug x
8 Likes
Your not being selfish at all, I feel exactly the same I lost my hubby my best friend my rock in December last year, I hate the fact he’s not here I see couples together and it makes me so sad that we won’t get the chances they are getting. Life is cruel. Stay strong. X sue
8 Likes
I’m so glad you mentioned seeing other couples together… I’m finding that is one of the hardest things. When I see couples holding hands and generally enjoying life together, I feel quite angry at the unfairness of it all. And that makes me feel pathetic and petty and embarrassed by my meanness, which is not what I used to be like!
6 Likes
I can just say “Hear, hear!” I get those feelings every day, partly the reason why I avoid leaving the house. I only go to the supermarket about once a week, for necessary shopping. I just hate indoor shopping centres now. I went to one the other day with my daughter, as she needed a new hairdryer, so I suggested we look around the other shops there too, for her, to buy some new clothes. I can’t tell you how I felt during that time we were there, I just felt out of place, like an alien, as if I shouldn’t be there, holding back the tears. Couldn’t wait to get back home.
8 Likes
Dear Andy P and Solost, Andy please don’t think your being pathetic, petty or mean, your just being human, it does hurt to see other couples together, holding hands , laughing, being happy, we’ve been robbed of that, all the above will make you feel guilty feeling that way, but it’s just normal, go with the flow, let your sorrow out, sending a hug, and Solost, fully understand, often when I am out I feel this way, but I still try to get out, because the four walls don’t help, and as the year progresses we will be forced in by weather etc, let your tears flow when your home, tears are cleansing for the soul, sending you a hug, both take care x
5 Likes
@Andy_P I certainly don’t think you are being all the things you mentioned and I think most of us can relate when you say it’s not what you used to be like. I know the person I was before my husband died now longer exists. I have gone from being a happy, smiley, confident and outgoing person to someone I don’t recognize. It frightens me that I will never get back to being who I was in some way. Seeing other people carrying on as “their” normal is something that we all had but know we will never get “our” normal back and that is hard to accept while we travel our journey of grief. Big hugs to you. x
4 Likes
Andy I know exactly what you mean, I’ve changed as a person I’ve tried not to because I feel I’m letting richard down, I know he would say I’m not but it’s so hard sometimes it’s indescribable the feelings I lost my husband to cancer he was diagnosed in august of last year and I lost him in December. At the moment I’m going through thoughts of this time last year he was here. I don’t know if that’s normal or not. I try to put on brave face for his sake as I’m sure you do for your wife. Life is so cruel. Take care sue
3 Likes
Your not selfish, I’m exactly the same, everyone keeps saying I’m luckily with the memories, All I think about is what should have been, we saved for all our working lives to have a happy retirement, spend winters abroad etc. now lm on my own I even feel guilty spending the savings,
Me I just try to keep busy, keep away from places, we used to visit together,
I’ve realised it won’t get better, I’ll just have to live with the feelings, It’s all part of the process,
5 Likes
Hello
What I miss most of all is really the fact that Ian will never get to make new memories or visit new places or meet new people. Wherever I am, that thought is uppermost in my mind and I don’t know how to stop this, perhaps I never will.
It’s just so hard at times living without the person you thought would be with you forever………
Julie x
9 Likes
Exactly right, people who say yeah but you got lovely memories I know they mean well but they’ve probably still got their partners around
10 Likes
Hi . I have said many times I have lost ME as well I don’t know who I am anymore . I don’t like this me . I did like the happy , full of life and fun me . I don’t know how to live this life without my one true love . He has always been there with me . Almost a year without him . I am just muddling through each day . I can’t go to places we went . I can’t even go to supermarket we went . And future . What future without him . All I do know , is now I am the owner of a lonely lonely heart and life . Thinking of you ALL … xtake carex
10 Likes
Sue2428
During the first year of losing by darling I could almost remember each day especially leading to his passing. He had a brain tumour and was visiting the Royal Marsden for CyberKnife treatment but he didn’t survive. Now nearing the end of the second year of loss I find that although some things are clear. The bad memories are not so bad and the good ones are taking over. I hope the same will happen to you. Big hugs x
8 Likes
Hi carol9
I am coming up to the end of the first year. Mark was poorly with cancer for 4 years and he battled to see our daughter get married in sept after wedding being postponed three times because of covid. He deteriorated badly the two weeks before but we got him there and he managed to see the whole day. He was obviously keeping going for that day as he died 4 days later. I keep thinking of this time last year and how awful it all was leading up to the wedding and seeing him getting worse and it’s good to read your post about the happier memories coming back in time.
We are just so glad he made it to see her married but it’s hard trying to process the conflicting emotions.
Xx
4 Likes