This time of year brings many challenges. How to get through all the family festivities when there’s an empty hole left by the one that ought to be there. My wife loved Christmas so much. She hosted right through, always making sure everyone felt special.
Then dementia meant she couldn’t figure out the cooking, present giving, social chit chat. All too much. At least in the care home she was waited on, made to feel a little normal again and had people round her who ( including me) wanted to make her feel loved and safe.
I’ve just come from her grave. I know she’s not there really but I always feel close to her somehow and I cry that I miss her so much. No wonder people tell of the temptation to throw themselves in the grave as well. It so bloody final.
Hugs to you too! That sure is weird xx We were married 47 yrs, and yes its really hard and can’t see me “getting over it” anytime soon, as they say “grief is love with nowhere to go “ so will be with us always !
I find myself looking at the photos and little videos I took of Bridget in the care home in 2019 to 2013 and it brings it all back how much I wanted to care for her. From the head of a school department and wiping the floor with me at Scrabble , to not knowing me, being confused about her world, having to be washed and dressed and fed by others and generally helpless.
But I look at those photos and I see a woman I would’ve died for. If by some miracle I could’ve swapped places. But then she would be grieving over me.
I just focus on the thought I will be with my husband when it’s my turn to go. I am not a religious person, so if thats just joining him in the grave or in spirit as long as I’m with him thats all that matters xxx
Sending a hug xx
My second Xmas without my fiancé plus my birthday the 27 so not looking forward to Xmas at all but trying to put on a brave face for my children. And his daughter
I feel so low today carnt stop crying i keep thinking whats the point anymore ! 2yrs still feels so raw , all the pretending im ok its so exhausting as you all know , ive got my 3rd grief counselling session this afternoon im hoping this counselling helps me process the loss of my husband and the need to make a life for myself but carnt understand how when he was my life
Anything I say will be of little comfort but I’ll try anyway.
When your life was for each other and now you’re on your own of course trying to make a new life is difficult, different, a very strange place where most other couples just “ don’t get it”, of course you’re going to feel lost and abandoned. It would strange if you didn’t feel these things.
This is my 6th year without my wife, 5 with dementia and she didn’t know me and she died 15 months ago. What helps me is accepting that I’m heartbroken and filled with sorrow. I’m going to feel sad and I accept this. Im tired fighting these feeling. It’s like being ill and you have to give in to the illness and let your body recover.
Being kind to ourselves is the hardest thing to do but we have to try
It’s my second Christmas too - last year my best friend kindly invited me to join her and her family in Malta so was nice to be in good company. This year I have decided to give it a try and see if I will be okay spending Christmas alone at home binge watching Christmas TVs and have Christmas dinner for ONE…fingers crossed
Take care everyone
I am trying to be prepared by noting what’s on tv and when, got some books to read and different ready meals in the freezer.
We never really did that much at Christmas.
So I will not have memories of who did what except we cooked a roast beef dinner together and he always made the Yorkshires.
I did have a bit of a sad moment last week.
I love crackers and looked at some.
I then realised I didn’t have anyone to pull them with. That really got to me.
I admire the way you’re getting organised for Christmas. It helps I think. After all, our lives are disrupted enough with losing our anchor in life.
I find that if there is any advantage to living alone it’s having the independence to do anything, but it comes at a price. It means that no one shares any of my thoughts and ideas. What seemed so ordinary to talk together and mull over problems, now that’s gone and I wish I hadn’t taken it all so much for granted.
to all