Such a lovely thought!
My ashes will be scattered on his grave.
It certainly did, thank you.
Will be thinking of you at Christmas.
Sending love & hug 
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Thank you & a big hug to you too xxx
I think we all think we could of done more but we couldn’t it was the illness that took them
We did all that we could by being there
I’m really struggling at the moment I miss him so much and my mind keeps going everywhere I just keep telling myself he was really poorly and in pain
Take care everyone x
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Guilt is one part of the grieving process, I’ve read articles about grief!
Please don’t be too hard on yourself.
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I rather think I’m missing something somehow or maybe I’m just not in tune with others. Perhaps I shouldn’t post any more. Perhaps I’m thinking too much about myself and the way I feel. I don’t have a family of my own so guess
I’ll just talk to myself.
Love to all. Hope you all have as good a Christmas as it’s possible to have under the circumstances.
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A big part of my grief is guilt. Guilt that it was her and not me. Guilt that I should have gotten second opinions earlier - not sure if the outcome would have been any different but the possibility plays on my mind.
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Mine too. In the previous 12 months before diagnosis my wife was seen twice by a consultant. Both times had the camera up her nose and into her throat, Both times told all clear. However she still had a strange feeling in her throat and started having swallowing issues. Now back with GP and told it was acid reflux and given medication. Back to GP & referred to consultant again…same procedure and given 5 months to live and she passed day before Christmas 2020. This haunts me still , should I have questioned the consultant. I was even telling her that it was " all in her mind" especially after being told all clear twice. I know I’ll never be comfortable with it all and still play things over and over in my head. Could things have been different…I’ll never know
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I am having to deal with a situation with my neighbour.
Paul would definitely not have liked dealing with it either. He was such a kind, gentle and reasonable man who just wanted a simple life getting on with people.
I just can’t believe he has gone and want him back. He was my world, my life.
I miss him so much,
I feel so vulnerable, especially now with this situation.
Sorry to bother you with this xx
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Can i help with your neighbour situation? X
That is so kind.
Basically she has has had much of her back garden excavated right up to my wall. Foundations and the ground below have been exposed.
Got surveyors in to deal with it under the Part Wall Act BUT as it has been shown to be my wall, this does not apply.
I had handed over authority to surveyor who has agreed to her plans. To challenge that I’d have to take it to the County Court.
So it seems that’s it.
All I wanted in addition to dealing with the foundations and below (which should be done🤞🏻) was some damp proofing and prevention. This my surveyor said would be a few hundred pounds but neighbour has refused.
Thank you for offering xxx
Not sure why your surveyor agreed to her plans without ensuring all damage to your property was made good. But I dont know the whole story.
If what she has done has resulted in damage to your property then that damage should be made good. I guess relations have deteriorated between you and the neighbour. Is any cost compromise available? Just to save you unnecessary stress at this time.
Heartsand
Thank you but they are older children but I will try xx
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Hi,
the remedial work to the exposed foundations and below is included in what he agreed to.
However, as the wall, which is part garden wall and the rest a side wall of my garage, is my wall…… damp proofing is seen as an improvement to my wall.
The fact that she is getting builders to build a retaining wall with a gap between it and my wall that could lead to damp, doesn’t seem to come into it 
I had agreed with my surveyor that if she refused to get the damp proofing done then I would pay for it. I don’t know if he has done that yet. So I have emailed him to find out.
Fortunately, I rarely see her as my house is set further back.
Long may it continue!!!
She has only been next door for just a year but this is not the first problem she has caused.
I want the remedial work for obvious reasons including not having to deal with her.
Thank you so much for your concern and kindness xx
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Peter11
None of us are perfect we all wish we had done or said thing that can no longer be said or done dementia is so hard to deal with it changes the person you fell in love with ,its hard for the carer who feel robbed of life they had before dementia took hold , im sure you delt with it best you could at the time ,my mum got dementia seeing my dad having to life long side of it is heartbreaking he tries his best but some days hes a bit short tampered and overwhelmed so plz dont beat your self up try to focus on life with your wife before dementia x
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Thank you for your kind reply
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Today i had my 3rd counciling session he told me i need to reach out to friends for support which to be honest friends no longer ask how i am , and if i mention im feeling low the subject gets dismissed straight away so ive decided ill just keep my feelings to myself and on ere where people truly understand , thankyou for liserning
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I have quickly learned to say “I am fine” anything negative and i am avoided like the plague! I can’t even say I feel unwell. That seems to be a subject to avoid too.
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Thats so true. I guess when asked how we are we instinctively just say something along the lines of “Oh I’m fine thanks” even though inside we’re absolutely dying. Today is the 4th anniversary of Val passing and today I’ve been to the crematorium with my daughters and 2 young grandchildren. Afterwards we went for lunch at a nearby pub. Obviously emotions were very high and whilst out with the family I was reasonably together, but as soon as I got back home, to the intense silence and memories, the tears just gushed out, I miss Val so much. I’ll never get used to her not being around
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I totally get this.
I have read a few guides online that say the same thing as @Tinatina has mentioned. There is this assumption that we have friends who want to listen or who understand.
Like you, very, very few of my friends and family want to listen or understand.
In fact, I can only think of one and she is not well so I don’t like to bother.
So I understand
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