I get this too. I say Im fine but Im not. I was speaking to a close relative today who after 20 weeks of my husbands sudden death asked me how i was. I said well i could lie and tell you Im fine but Im not , in fact Im worse now than say a month ago. Its that raised eyebrow look , well arent you used to it now. No Im not and I dont think i ever will be. I talk so much to my daughters who are grieving badly but I worry Im over burdening them. Im amazed the counsellor said to talk it through with friends
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Hand on heart I can honestly say, I never truly understood the depth of grief and sadness experienced when someone loses a partner/soulmate. I do hope that I have supported friends and have shown more compassion than I have received. I make sure i reread texts before sending, just to make sure I don’t alienate them. It’s exhausting
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This is my first Christmas without my wonderful husband.
I am not coping.
He was my everything.
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Same here. I feel absolutely bereft.
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I understand x
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How do you motivate yourself when you are missing someone.
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I not coping either, first Christmas Eve on my own ever. I have my son and his in laws tomorrow which I think was probably a mistake though it will keep me busy.
Love Linda2 xxx
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Hello everyone. It’s so difficult and different this time of year when you see people rushing around like there’s no tomorrow trying to do their best to get things ready for Christmas.
We used to be like that. Now it’s me on my own thinking what it was like when we hosted Christmas with Bridget controlling everything to make sure everyone had a great time.
I now have dreams where she’s not got dementia and she’s threatening to leave me and I angrily remind her how I looked after her for years and how can she do this to me. It would have been easier if I’d hated her instead of loving her. Can’t even escape heartbreak during sleep😩
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So sorry x
My heart goes out to you. Our minds play cruel tricks on us. I feel so tormented by guilt. I have sat for months, trying to actually find something to feel guilty for. Sending a welsh cwtch x
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I think the need to feel guilty comes from the real need for something or someone to blame. After all, there must be a rational reason behind all this, isn’t there?
And, of course, it’s so easy to blame ourselves otherwise, if not, who? And many times there’s no actual fault. It’s just the way it is. I’ve tried to identify a reason for Bridget’s dementia and no one can give one. Could be this or that or just unlucky. She didn’t do anything to give herself dementia. We lived a fairly healthy lifestyle.
So I try not to blame myself.
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Sending love and hugs to everyone who is going through this Christmas alone. It’s hard, empty, lonely, and heartbreaking 
Take care xx
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Christmas Day, although the emptiness, deep sadness and loneliness still present; I’ve been feeling rather peaceful and content spending time alone, reminiscing about us and all the things that we shared throughout our 37 years together - so beautiful and comforting! Love you my angel 
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I got a little drunk christmas day ended up texting my friend to reach out someone to know how bad this hurts she replied onece ,then she didnt reply again till this morning asking if id got hangover ,i said sorry for bothering you last night with my drunken texts it wont happen again ,she said she didnt reply back to me as she fell to sleep i dont believe her i think she couldnt be bothered with me but i wont reach out again to friends for help anymore
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Reach out to us instead
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You most certainly should reach out to us but don’t brush off all friends because of one friend’s response,
In most cases it really is only those who have experienced it who truly understand what you are going through, take care, xmas is never easy, this is my second xmas without my husband and I was dreading it even worse than last year, but I got through it with family support and I know I am lucky to have that, not all people in our position have that family support. Take care, I’m sending a huge virtual hug for you xxx
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I missed my husband even more this year last year I had more support.
this year it was all my family could do to spare me a few hours yesterday and today back on my own
It’s so horrible without your loved one
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This is my 4th Christmas without my beautiful wife and my 3 daughters who are very supportive had planned a family dinner at my house, all prepared by them. So much care and planning had gone into it, but on Christmas Eve I began to feel really poorly. I had come down with either food poisoning or norovirus, but the symptoms were the same. I felt dreadful and spent all Christmas Day in bed and only just got up today. I feel so so sad to think that they had made such an immense effort only for things to take such a turn, Christmas Day and they were missing their mum and then I couldn’t join in either. I’m really so grateful to them and will somehow try to make it up to them. Another kick in the teeth. Take care all, hope you;re all coping as best we can
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george73, could you plan the same again for New Year’s Day… I am sure your three supportive daughters have already considered an alternative arrangement. I do hope you are feeling physically better’, I know the emotional realm is a whole different kettle of fish’. Take good care. I am my first Christmas without my beloved husband, it truly is awful. I have had a little vino as me darling and I used to like a tipple so, Tinatina… it’s okay. I have text messaged friends and phoned at silly hours’ and called The Samaritans as well who kindly offered a follow up call. People generally have a good heart although most haven’t walked in our shoes’. I read somewhere that grief seems the single domain that people polarise a response, you’re okay or you’re not okay, doesn’t give us much to operate within if people view us in this constrained concept. I will post here in the future
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So sorry. People don’t really understand what we are going through until it happens to them unfortunately.
We are here to listen and share.
sending love and hugs 
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