With the respect I don’t think the word “must” should occupy the language and landscape of grief.
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There’s a big difference between living in a Dreamworld and reality. Reality is I don’t have a family, not everyone does. We could cure a lot of evils of this world if we more caring, compassionate.
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I think sometimes we just have to take the plunge and reach out to others who will equally be in need of support. I went to see a couple of people on their own on Boxing Day and it was a struggle, sure, but I felt better for being with them for an hour.
BUT, it’s awful and there is no magic cure for grief. And I’m currently sitting in the car at Tesco remembering the time Bridget was with me just before she went into the care home. She was very ill with dementia and wouldn’t recognise me. Memories like this spring up out of the blue and make me very sad.
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Yes, memories appear without warning.
That was good of you to visit others.
Take care x
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Peter11
Its hard even though we got family and friends around grief is such a lonely place , the pretending we ok is exhausting
So many memories of being with our loved ones not being able to make more memories with them hurts so bad ,
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Never felt so low as I’m feeling now. Christmas was the anniversary of losing Val, I’ve had this awful norovirus/food poisoning sine Christmas Eve and am absolutely physically and emotionally drained. Been alone all day, just had enough. Off to bed to escape, dont know how much more I can handle. As you say grief is such a very lonely place Goodnight all, take care
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So sorry you are ill. I hope you are better soon.x
Yea there’s no help out there really there’s cruise and I thinïk there’s something’s on here. But what happens when you end the call ? grieve isn’t a part time thing and you can’t plan your calendar by it either. I think bed might be the best thing for you and hopefully you feel better tomorrow. I listen to music a lot to help me but I’m still alone and not really happy. I hope get better soon I know how much health can be a burden on daily life. Not had a easy year myself and lost a lot of the year to the hospital. I still got to face trips to the hospital and a stay in hospital if I can deal with it, won’t be easy for me. Sending you hugs to get through life.
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I apologise if I have caused offence with what I have written, It truly was not my intention, I am so sorry for any upset I have caused & I am so sorry for your loss x
So sorry to hear you have Norovirus, I have had that in the past and it is a horrendous bug, I hope your feeling better soon, try to keep hydrated xxx
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Sometimes that’s easier said then done, besides losing my mum I’ve had another serious set back which has made me think of mum even more and think of my life with her. Life’s been really bad since and I’ve had no control over it, at the time I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse? was I suppose to join mum earlier, I needed her but she wasn’t there no more.
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I know, nothing is easy when grieving, it can be the loneliest place to be, no-one can truly understand our grief because it is personal to us. Though by joining this forum I hope you can at least find some comfort in the knowledge that you are not totally alone and there is always someone here happy to listen, I know I did when I joined, I lost my husband to cancer in May 2023 we were married 47 yrs and I don’t think I will ever get over the loss I just learn to live with it every day and its so, so hard.
My thoughts are with you and everyone on here because supporting each other helps us all to get through this the best we can xxx
Gorge73
Just keep taking one day at a time thats all we can do , i keep trying to focus on how lucky i was to be married to such a wonderful husband and the lovely memories that will stay with me forever they say deeper the love deeper the grief it is so hard without our loved ones its like we to learn how to walk again , im glad Christmas over with its exhausting fake smiles pretending im ok when i just want to scream in pain take care
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Hi, just got up and not sure how I’m feeling yet. I had telephone counselling with Cruse but , like you say when you put the phone down you’re back to being without the one person you so desperately need. I know such organisations have the best intentions but nothing will ever be the same. You mention health struggles which is another worry when you’re alone, what with trying to keep your day to day stuff going and the doctors/hospitals etc all piled on top of our already drained state. I really hope that whatever your health worries may be that things will sort themselves out and that we can all hopefully look forward to a more peaceful, healthy New Year. Take care, and thanks for caring
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Hey not a problem, I just think people like us know better when dealing with another person who has lost someone. I been on these forums since last year. So I seen a lot of post I can relate too. Seen a few post regards bereavement phone lines too. But it’s just a short fix, we always will be on our own to deal with it and it’s a very much a personal journey too. Just take your time with it all, and be kind too yourself. It’s ok too cry!
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I dont think the counciling will make much difference he just seems to say that i need to reach out to friends to tell them what im feeling etc … i told him they dont want to know their words its my greif only me can deal with it all he says is how do i know that ? Have i asked them? Would i be there for them in same situation ? I said 100% so he told me let them be there for you … they made it clear the think i should be back to normal and getting on with my life , i feel so alone
Counselling only helps when you are talking to them but as for them telling you to talk to family if they aren’t interested and you haven’t got friends you just have to keep dealing with it yourself which is very hard
I miss my steve and hate being on my own don’t see the point anymore
I just keep trying x
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You have said the phrase I’ve said countless times since being in this situation…
" I dont see the point anymore" Oh, the times I’ve said that
I’m told by Cruse helpline to remember all the good things I did for Bridget and not dwell on what I didn’t do. Useful advice but so hard to put into practice.
I constantly judge myself for the times I wasn’t attentive enough, not understanding, and I think what she was feeling when I let her down. I cared 100% when she was in the car home but of course she didn’t know me and it’s a shame that I wasn’t as good when she was at home.
Oh well, too late now. I just have to find a little comfort in the Cruse advice and carry on.
Not everyone has family, I fall into that catagory. So many selfish people in this world who only care about themselves. When mum was alive there was only me and her even though I was the 2nd child. Nothing changed only now there’s just me. I got a bit counseling from work when I loss mum, but that’s it Think I might have rung cruise not sure. But does it really help ? you just think about the chat and the loss in your life that evokes memories and then the tears come. I know I can’t replace mum and a stranger on the end of the phone won’t make things any easier but they will eat my time up. I rather talk to on here as at least they will understand me and where I’m coming from. It’s been a tough year!
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