My reply to that would of been because I know my friends better then you. Another reason why I not bothered too much with counseling. If you get lucky and get some one decent then yes it’s worth doing but you get someone who just wants to fob you off onto your friends then it’s a waste of your time and it makes you feel worse. Because you will feel no one cares which will make you more depressed.
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So very sorry xx
Let the tears come Keith. Those of us grieving our deep loss need to cry and let our feeling out. Its all so sad.
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@george73 i am so sorry you have been so unwell and alone without support
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I sometimes gauge how much I’m reducing my grief by my initial reaction when I arrive at Bridget’s grave, like today, when I got there to cut the grass and tidy the head stone.
It’s both a comfort and sadness to know she’s gone from my life but out of the deterioration of dementia. She would’ve hated being so humiliated by the lack of dignity the condition brings. Dementia dulls the knowing of what happening to you, which is a mixed blessing I suppose.
I miss so much looking after her even in her dementia state. Guess I wanted to protect her but, of course, it was impossible
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Thankyou Keith it is true what you say about counselling ive got another counselling tomorrow at 3.30 i might ask for lady counselling , today i took my xmas tree etc down i put it up to please my grandkids i wrote on friends group chat that id taken tree down .
one friend replied its not even new year yet so why take it down ! I just wrote no comment Anne . When i wanted to shout because its toucher seeing tree up and my husband not ere im upset she supposed to be my close friend of 30yrs upto my husband passing away its like she carnt cope with my grief or simply does not want to ifeel so low i just need them to understand more not one of them has even text to ask how i am
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Dear @Tinatina
I’m so sorry darlin’ . I’m thinking of you and feeling your upset and despair at the lack of understanding from those around you.
I feel exactly the same.
The truth is , unless your in this s**t club you can’t understand.
You were very brave to put the tree up at all. I don’t blame you for taking it down.
I’m sure your grandkids appreciated it though.
I’m 2 years in, and nothing is easier.
I still feel exhausted all the time. And I’ve come to realise that it’s the lack of understanding from others that actually contributes to this in a huge way, as we constantly have to explain our actions/feelings.
I’m sorry no one on your friends chat has asked if you are okay.
I find it hurtful to be ignored too, but also at the same time I don’t want to be asked, because I don’t want to have to explain why I’m not.
Love, hugs and strength to you me darlin’
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As Joni Mitchell said in her song “ my old man”
“ the bed’s too big, the frying pan’s too wide”
Everything is wrong
Peter
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So very sorry xx
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I got an older sister, sent me a Christmas card but didn’t ask how I was on Christmas day or wished me a happy Christmas.
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So true im supposed to be going for coffee at weekend with them but i dont feel like i want to go ,its hurt me to think they dont care enough to ask how im doing , just feel like keeping myself to myself not bothering anyone so glad ive got this group you know how i feel because you all hurting the same
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@Keith68 because I told my sister I couldn’t do Xmas this year . I sent nothing to anyone . She asked me what I wanted the year before and I should have said nothing . She sent a box of chocolates with a musical Christmas theme . Not thoughtful at all . I sent her a message on Xmas day as I was in Gran Canaria and I haven’t had a reply at all . She isn’t bothered about my loss of my husband
I think until its happened to them they havnt got a clue what its like to loose a spouse ive not sent xmas cards again this year carnt bear to not write his name on cards , i messaged my friend to ask if id upset her in any way because id not heared from her all christmas she replied saying shes slept most of christmas and i hadnt upset her at all , but thats a lie she had been to sales which to me tells me she rather not help deal with me and my grief , so from now on if they ask… hows you ill just say im ok because thats what they really want to hear
sending hugs to you all
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I attended a work meeting a few weeks ago. Someone I had known for over 50 years (we attended the same schools and grew up in the same village) told my friend he felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say to me. He made me feel very uncomfortable. Saying that my own children seem uncomfortable around me.
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You know what - I’m tired of others making lame excuses when really what we need in times of grief is care and support. I appreciate all family and friend relationships are not straightforward but common compassion ought to be felt.,
I’m afraid if these people can’t find it in themselves to feel some compassion and then empathise with those of us grieving , then it’s their loss and an emptiness of character
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And I say this from experience as my step son couldn’t be bothered to visit his mum in her last days in hospital. He was on holiday and said it would “ upset the children” . I mean, really!!
He’s emotionally lacking for whatever reason and, although it’s over a year ago now, I find it hard to forgive him. His sister said he’ll suffer with regret later but I just think he takes the easy way out and cannot commit to making any effort when it comes to feeling for others.
There, I’ve said my piece.
Peter
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I don’t think people do know what to say so they think if they don’t say anything they won’t upset you
All my granddaughters say to me is your so strong he would be proud of you I’m not sure what they mean by that
I think my family don’t come much because they don’t want me to tell them how I feel
We just have to keep going I guess
Take care everyone look after yourselves x
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I don’t have a family best way to look at it, I’m kind of happy that it’s coming to an end all of it. I just got back from the hospital and was asked how my Christmas was and I just said crap. Christmas was a set back for me this year as it made me feel more vulnerable.
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You’re right there Keith. When there was the 2 of us and one wasn’t feeling up to the mark there was someone to “lean on” so to speak. We’d just say something like " Oh, get a couple of paras and stop moaning" but at least there was someone to share your feelings with. But now anytime I feel a bit offish straight away I’m sort of fearing the worst…a simple headache cant be just that anymore…Oh must be a brain tumour etc and straight onto Google. Worst thing ever invented for scaring yourself! Looking forward to when the days get a bit longer, I find the short days and long nights really tough going. Take care
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I am very disappointed with my children. I can’t even find a reason or excuse for their behaviour. I am sure they feel they have done nothing wrong. Their father would be so upset that they are so indifferent. I am very hurt.
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