Hey not a problem, I just think people like us know better when dealing with another person who has lost someone. I been on these forums since last year. So I seen a lot of post I can relate too. Seen a few post regards bereavement phone lines too. But it’s just a short fix, we always will be on our own to deal with it and it’s a very much a personal journey too. Just take your time with it all, and be kind too yourself. It’s ok too cry!
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I dont think the counciling will make much difference he just seems to say that i need to reach out to friends to tell them what im feeling etc … i told him they dont want to know their words its my greif only me can deal with it all he says is how do i know that ? Have i asked them? Would i be there for them in same situation ? I said 100% so he told me let them be there for you … they made it clear the think i should be back to normal and getting on with my life , i feel so alone
Counselling only helps when you are talking to them but as for them telling you to talk to family if they aren’t interested and you haven’t got friends you just have to keep dealing with it yourself which is very hard
I miss my steve and hate being on my own don’t see the point anymore
I just keep trying x
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You have said the phrase I’ve said countless times since being in this situation…
" I dont see the point anymore" Oh, the times I’ve said that
I’m told by Cruse helpline to remember all the good things I did for Bridget and not dwell on what I didn’t do. Useful advice but so hard to put into practice.
I constantly judge myself for the times I wasn’t attentive enough, not understanding, and I think what she was feeling when I let her down. I cared 100% when she was in the car home but of course she didn’t know me and it’s a shame that I wasn’t as good when she was at home.
Oh well, too late now. I just have to find a little comfort in the Cruse advice and carry on.
Not everyone has family, I fall into that catagory. So many selfish people in this world who only care about themselves. When mum was alive there was only me and her even though I was the 2nd child. Nothing changed only now there’s just me. I got a bit counseling from work when I loss mum, but that’s it Think I might have rung cruise not sure. But does it really help ? you just think about the chat and the loss in your life that evokes memories and then the tears come. I know I can’t replace mum and a stranger on the end of the phone won’t make things any easier but they will eat my time up. I rather talk to on here as at least they will understand me and where I’m coming from. It’s been a tough year!
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My reply to that would of been because I know my friends better then you. Another reason why I not bothered too much with counseling. If you get lucky and get some one decent then yes it’s worth doing but you get someone who just wants to fob you off onto your friends then it’s a waste of your time and it makes you feel worse. Because you will feel no one cares which will make you more depressed.
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So very sorry xx
Let the tears come Keith. Those of us grieving our deep loss need to cry and let our feeling out. Its all so sad.
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I sometimes gauge how much I’m reducing my grief by my initial reaction when I arrive at Bridget’s grave, like today, when I got there to cut the grass and tidy the head stone.
It’s both a comfort and sadness to know she’s gone from my life but out of the deterioration of dementia. She would’ve hated being so humiliated by the lack of dignity the condition brings. Dementia dulls the knowing of what happening to you, which is a mixed blessing I suppose.
I miss so much looking after her even in her dementia state. Guess I wanted to protect her but, of course, it was impossible
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Thankyou Keith it is true what you say about counselling ive got another counselling tomorrow at 3.30 i might ask for lady counselling , today i took my xmas tree etc down i put it up to please my grandkids i wrote on friends group chat that id taken tree down .
one friend replied its not even new year yet so why take it down ! I just wrote no comment Anne . When i wanted to shout because its toucher seeing tree up and my husband not ere im upset she supposed to be my close friend of 30yrs upto my husband passing away its like she carnt cope with my grief or simply does not want to ifeel so low i just need them to understand more not one of them has even text to ask how i am
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Dear @Tinatina
I’m so sorry darlin’ . I’m thinking of you and feeling your upset and despair at the lack of understanding from those around you.
I feel exactly the same.
The truth is , unless your in this s**t club you can’t understand.
You were very brave to put the tree up at all. I don’t blame you for taking it down.
I’m sure your grandkids appreciated it though.
I’m 2 years in, and nothing is easier.
I still feel exhausted all the time. And I’ve come to realise that it’s the lack of understanding from others that actually contributes to this in a huge way, as we constantly have to explain our actions/feelings.
I’m sorry no one on your friends chat has asked if you are okay.
I find it hurtful to be ignored too, but also at the same time I don’t want to be asked, because I don’t want to have to explain why I’m not.
Love, hugs and strength to you me darlin’
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As Joni Mitchell said in her song “ my old man”
“ the bed’s too big, the frying pan’s too wide”
Everything is wrong
Peter
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So very sorry xx
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I got an older sister, sent me a Christmas card but didn’t ask how I was on Christmas day or wished me a happy Christmas.
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So true im supposed to be going for coffee at weekend with them but i dont feel like i want to go ,its hurt me to think they dont care enough to ask how im doing , just feel like keeping myself to myself not bothering anyone so glad ive got this group you know how i feel because you all hurting the same
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@Keith68 because I told my sister I couldn’t do Xmas this year . I sent nothing to anyone . She asked me what I wanted the year before and I should have said nothing . She sent a box of chocolates with a musical Christmas theme . Not thoughtful at all . I sent her a message on Xmas day as I was in Gran Canaria and I haven’t had a reply at all . She isn’t bothered about my loss of my husband
I think until its happened to them they havnt got a clue what its like to loose a spouse ive not sent xmas cards again this year carnt bear to not write his name on cards , i messaged my friend to ask if id upset her in any way because id not heared from her all christmas she replied saying shes slept most of christmas and i hadnt upset her at all , but thats a lie she had been to sales which to me tells me she rather not help deal with me and my grief , so from now on if they ask… hows you ill just say im ok because thats what they really want to hear
sending hugs to you all
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I attended a work meeting a few weeks ago. Someone I had known for over 50 years (we attended the same schools and grew up in the same village) told my friend he felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say to me. He made me feel very uncomfortable. Saying that my own children seem uncomfortable around me.
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