You know what - I’m tired of others making lame excuses when really what we need in times of grief is care and support. I appreciate all family and friend relationships are not straightforward but common compassion ought to be felt.,
I’m afraid if these people can’t find it in themselves to feel some compassion and then empathise with those of us grieving , then it’s their loss and an emptiness of character
And I say this from experience as my step son couldn’t be bothered to visit his mum in her last days in hospital. He was on holiday and said it would “ upset the children” . I mean, really!!
He’s emotionally lacking for whatever reason and, although it’s over a year ago now, I find it hard to forgive him. His sister said he’ll suffer with regret later but I just think he takes the easy way out and cannot commit to making any effort when it comes to feeling for others.
There, I’ve said my piece.
Peter
I don’t think people do know what to say so they think if they don’t say anything they won’t upset you
All my granddaughters say to me is your so strong he would be proud of you I’m not sure what they mean by that
I think my family don’t come much because they don’t want me to tell them how I feel
We just have to keep going I guess
Take care everyone look after yourselves x
I don’t have a family best way to look at it, I’m kind of happy that it’s coming to an end all of it. I just got back from the hospital and was asked how my Christmas was and I just said crap. Christmas was a set back for me this year as it made me feel more vulnerable.
You’re right there Keith. When there was the 2 of us and one wasn’t feeling up to the mark there was someone to “lean on” so to speak. We’d just say something like " Oh, get a couple of paras and stop moaning" but at least there was someone to share your feelings with. But now anytime I feel a bit offish straight away I’m sort of fearing the worst…a simple headache cant be just that anymore…Oh must be a brain tumour etc and straight onto Google. Worst thing ever invented for scaring yourself! Looking forward to when the days get a bit longer, I find the short days and long nights really tough going. Take care
I am very disappointed with my children. I can’t even find a reason or excuse for their behaviour. I am sure they feel they have done nothing wrong. Their father would be so upset that they are so indifferent. I am very hurt.
Mbg, I am so sorry to hear this. I am finding similar to those family I thought close’ . I really think those supposedly nearest and dearest’ don’t know how to respond, what to say. I haven’t children but their felt indifference to you must be so painful on top of your grief.
Do we expect too much from people? I don’t know, just saying. Given the horrendous circumstances of bereavement it’s not on anyone’s radar except the bereaved person and we’re not taught to cope with it.
Today’s life is all about living, having a good time, think of yourself, getting stuff to prove your worth it, putting to one side anything that is negative.
Perhaps parents need to get children ready from an early age with the idea of death and how to address the problems when we lose someone we love. Death is all over the media but it’s removed from reality, somewhere else, other.
I do agree with you, but the death of a spouse/life partner is like no other/ no comparison.
And how can our parents prepare us for that? (Both mine still alive…me, their daughter the one dealing with widowhood!) it’s actually upset me so much some people saying … "I know how you feel…my mum died, my grandmother died, my mate died… "
Sorry - losing your husband/wife/life partner is a loss on a different level .
Love hugs and strength to you all
I agree with you 100% about differing feelings after losing someone. Through life we seem to accept and expect to lose aunts,uncles grandparents etc and when we do its a big shock and a big loss, but losing your husband/wife is on a whole different level. Nothing compares to the absolute feeling of sadness, grief, hopelessness and the rest of it.
I couldn’t agree more. 
Life after losing our loved one is so devastating, sad, empty and so lonely
I am so very sorry xx
My partner was 58 too, and I am younger. Never imagined that I may have so much of my life ahead on my own. And it breaks my heart all the things he’s missing with his children (and mine) and his grandchildren x
So very sorry xx
Morning everyone. May I wish you all a happy New Year as it’s possible to have.
It’s been six months since my beloved Bill passed away. My first Christmas on my own. I think I’ve shed more tears over the past two or three months than I have in my whole life.
I look at the garden and think he’s never going to sit in the summerhouse again 
or sit chatting with me over coffee in a morning . I’m not sure how to get through the next couple days never mind the months. I’ve no family of my own to share feelings with. Sorry, guess I’m feeling sorry for myself, when I know we’re all going through this.
You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself
I feel the same as you and I have family But even family can be very uncaring
I am 14 months in, and I still feel sorry for myself and look for my husband everywhere
They say try and take each day as it comes
Take care:mending_heart:
You’ve every right to feel sorry for yourself. The little everyday things we all used to do with our partners are gone…seemingly so insignificant at the time but absolutely priceless now. I’d give the world to sit and chat over a cuppa with Val like we used to, but sadly that pleasure has gone. Lets all hope for brighter,happier days in the New Year. Take care
I’m concerned now about what to do with the rest of my life. Not something you think about when you have each other. You think life will just go on much the same as usual. Just get older together.
I didn’t lose Bridget suddenly as she deteriorated over years with vascular dementia and the died last year. Still, there’s a space where she should be, keeping me company, being my best friend.
It’s not fair is it. An alone life is lonely after 30 years, growing from a couple who enjoyed all sorts, filling our lives with joy
So sorry for your loss, its very hard to lose your soulmate, thinking of you at this time, hope you can gain as much comfort from the people on this forum as I have since losing my husband in May 2023, they have kept me sane throughout that time, sending a huge hug and sorry that you have had to join this site xxx
It is so hard and some days it just drags and all you really want is for things to be the way they used to be before, in my case, the cancer that took my husband and in yours the dementia that claimed your wife! Its just so hard and only those who have experienced it know exactly how it feels others are just guessing, sending hugs your way xx