Very true!!
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I agree with all who have said , it doesnt help at all knowing theres worse off happening to others. I know there is but i feel today very flat and apprehensive and i was before my husbands death very lively and confident because we had each other. Now theres a void and im adrift after over 50 years together. We both felt young and happy still and were looking forward to at least another good decade together. Neither sorry do i swallow all happens for a reason. Weve been good people and my family is wrecked at the moment by my husbands sudden unexpected cardiac arrest death. So after 4 months yes i feel grief anger and loneliness in spite of my loving amazing kids and grandchildren and today in particular.
Heartsand x
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@Hearts and
I agree there is a lot that happens in our lives that is outside of our control, and for no particular reason. I’d call that random.
We all just have to deal with what’s happened regardless of how it came to that point.
I know what you mean Pam - whatever we do there is always something (someone) missing that we used to share life with.
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I could have written this. Sending hugs
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It’s like a big hole in your life
Sending hugs x
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Tbh that hole and void are so great the only way I can describe it is ,not only did Martin die so suddenly that night ,but a lot of me died too. My hopes, my dreams and my future of growing old together. My children and grandchildren are amazing. I feel so guilty I wil see them growing up and my dear husband wont
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@Peter11
Acknowledging that it is hard to adapt, is just honesty. And certainly it is natural for many of us.
Basically every aspect of my life needs to change now, and I feel completely overwhelmed by that. If I wanted to get to where everyone thinks I ought to go, I wouldn’t choose to be starting from where I am now, and certainly not starting from being the personality that I am.
So we are set a big challenge when we are at the lowest point of our lives. We are often tired beyond any tiredness we’ve ever known, traumatised, unable to think clearly, experiencing loneliness we may never have experienced before. And we are suddenly expected to behave like enthusiastic youngsters throwing themselves into a new and exciting future of new hobbies and finding new friends. It doesn’t really add up.
Sure I do absolutely know I have to try to take this new road, but I’m considering myself a new learner and I don’t even understand the controls on how to make this thing move forward yet, let alone make whole journeys. It’s going to be a gradual learning process. I am one of life’s natural ‘supporting acts’, I don’t much want the limelight of it’s all about me.
Oh, and yes, grief is not a competition. It is something we all share here. Everyone’s lives differ in almost every other aspect. Some stories take your breath away with their cruelty, but that doesn’t diminish anyone elses story.
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You are so right Sarie, i was a very outgoing young for my age person before my love died in October . i now am totally alone with no job and have to find a new life . i have no idea where to begin. i dont seem to be able to remember things i used to do or enjoy. i do not know what to do to with the days they just pass . i can not understand why the time seems to go more slowly. i feel i will just be treading water until my life is over.
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@Littleburty
I wasn’t even outgoing before, let alone now. And have no kids, so no grandkids of course.
I’d cared for my husband for over a decade with cancer and due to his many health challenges we’d become quite reclusive apart from several medical appts a week. I have hearing issues so can find social group things difficult. I relied on him to be the social one. So not an ideal springboard to the future.
But I suppose I do have work/our business (from home) to keep me busy.
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I agree after losing a partner of many yrs, 47yrs in my case, I feel we should just go with our feelings right now and hopefully in time we will feel better within ourselves take care xx
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Couldn’t agree more 
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Mbg
It is exhausting i did go out for a coffee and awalk round shops but no mention of how ive coped over xmas or nothing i mentioned my husband name a couple of times but still nothing, its like people dont care or they prefer not to talk about it , im feeling bitter because ive always been there for my friends but no not when i need them so ive decided ill continue to deal with my grief without help from them
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I can sympathise with the hearing, I too find social gatherings difficult, when everyone is chatting I find it difficult to hear whats being said and I can never find a pause to join in, hence I prefer mtg in a smaller group of maybe 4, my husband could make conversation with anyone but I was a shy child, shy teen and unless I know people well I am still a shy adult and can never think what to say to people x
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Morning everyone. We got through another day so it’s tiny tiny progress of sorts.
I often wonder if we expect too much from ourselves. After all we’ve been through, of course we are going to be extremely sad, fed up, miserable, heartbroken and all the other emotions that come with grief.
i sometimes I think it’s enough to place one foot in front of the other, to get to another hour, to just exist and very very gradually move away from the extreme grief that happened to us all when we lost our love ones.
I find it useful to write down all I’ve done and have that’s positive, even if it’s the minutest thing ( make bed, get dressed, do the washing up, etc). We’ve gone through stuff that can only be imagined by others and we all deserve a medal by just getting through another day.
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@Peter11 thats good that you are making steps to move a bit forward . This horrendous loss we have all had is always there but I too try to do lots to focus on and it helps . It’s not the life we wanted at all . I am sure my Andrew would want me to carry on till I see him again
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That is true and small steps are doable and eventually will lead to bigger steps, it just takes time and the amount of time will be different for us all. So far I think we are doing amazingly. Keep going everyone, take care xxx
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@Georgi it is a difficult life for us . No one really understands how hard only the people on this site . I hope you can make steps forward . It’s hard I never have him out of my mind . I have connected with old friends which is a help
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Hi everyone.
Well done for taking small steps. I thought I was making progress, but at the moment I’m in bits again. The slightest thing sets me off. It’s only been 6 months since my Bill passed away but sometimes I just can’t belive he’s gone. I keep telling me to pull myself together but it’s not working. I’ve asked myself so many times what is the point to anything. We loved each other so much and now I’ve got no-one. There are two stepchildren who have been supportive but they have their own families. One lives locally (see him about once a month) and the other lives a couple of hours away so to be honest I do feel totally alone. No-one to turn to if there’s an immediate problem. No-one to make decisions with. I feel it’s not a life anymore, just an existance, just one day following another.
Oh heck, listen to me. Sorry folks for the negativity - just me having a bad day.
Love and hugs to all 
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No it isnt just you. I lost my soulmate in August last year after almost 50 years together. It would have been iur golden wedding anniversary this year and instead of a celebration year , I feel I have little to look forward to apart from just existing.
Im lucky enough to have 3 amazing children and 9 grandchildren . They live locally and are supporting me well and I know how much they love me and how devestated they are by their dads sudden unexpected death. I am just distraught. Putting a face on everyday.
I feel we could have had 20 more years together and grown old. I feel scared and apprehensive now about all.
I guess its the New Year and the new reality has hit home with an even bigger bang. Its also freezing cold and snowy and icy outside so no chance of getting out which makes the silence here magnified.
So Harriet above even though I do have a close loving supportive family nearby I know its only me now and its so hard.
Love to you all xx
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