Hi @ Fay
It is 7 months since my husband passed away and some days i still cry a lot others not so much. We were together 38 years married for 35. Like yourself the amount of time seems irrelevant we will always still grieve and miss them no matter how many months years go by.
My husband did everything DIY gardening driving me around as i dont drive taken me shopping helping to
cook meals. Now having to learn new skills. Having to eat alone spending nights and weekends do one to talk to run ideas by . No more holiday’s together somehow going alone does not appeal to me.
I have a quilt on bed made of his favourite shirts. The shirt he wore on our last holiday and the dress i wore made into jacket i can wear to have him close by.
I spray his aftershave so i can remember.
I miss him so much and he was taken too soon at 63. Crying again quess this is my new life now at 66.
Thought of another 20 years is heartbreaking 
Take care and cry for however long it takes.
Lynne Xx
Hi Fay
I am so sorry for your loss and I totally understand what you’re going through. I don’t think your family should tell you to stop crying. You cry when you want to as no one knows how you really feel but yourself - grief is so personal and we deal with it how we feel right and I don’t believe we should be told what we should or should do. I let myself go with the flow and I find it suits me best that way.
I feel loved and comforted wearing his T-shirt to sleep in and his fleece jacket and scarf to wrap around me and nice to know you find comfort in doing the same. I know what it’s like when he used to do everything and now we feel so useless and hopeless. I even had the carbon monoxide detector went off one night and had to call 999 the whole thing wasn’t over until passed midnight and at the time I thought what else would I have to face without my angel by my side. I felt I was losing the will to live not one not two but several times in the past 8 months.
What keeps me going is to feel his presence and hope that he will look out for me now just in the same way as he used to when he was around- we used to look out for each other throughout our beautiful 37 years together.
You are right time will help us to get through this and I am longing for that day to come when we can live with the beautiful memories but without this horrible pain and emptiness.
Sending love & big hugs X
I went out this afternoon to a gathering in the village for a quiz and chit chat over a cuppa. Just before I left I had a tearful moment for no real reason. I confided in my friend at the meeting and she was so kind. She said I’m doing great and coping really well with my loss of Phil, my husband for 48 years and partner for 50 years. It really helps to have a few good friends with whom I can be honest about my feelings.
How nice to be meeting and socialising with friends. I totally agree with you that it helps to have friends with whom you can be honest about your feelings. I do have although, only one very good friend who I trust and talk to about my feelings and everything else that I need to get off my chest - she has been talking to me every day for 8 months since I lost my beloved and I am forever grateful for her support and kindness.
I was with my angel for 37 and married for 35 beautiful and happy years and I am now so lost, heartbroken and at times losing the will to live, without him - you were together for much longer and I truly admire your strength X.
@Fay Sorry for your loss. Its 8 months since my darling husband passed, we were married for 49 years .I’m also in my 70’s.
Everything you have said is exactly the same for me even to wrapping his jumper around me.
Sending hugs,
Ann x
I do that as well. The jumper my husband wore the two weeks up until he died remains on my pillow and cuddle up to it as I fall to sleep. I’ve also worn it when I’m cold and love it. It’ll never get washed and his smell has long gone as it’s been nearly three years now. I’ve left strict instructions that it goes with me when I go. My boys have a few items of their dads but the rest remain in a trunk in the loft. I have donated a couple of winter coats to a scheme run by the food bank where I volunteer so I know they’ve gone to a good home.
Much love to all
Georgina
@Georgie15 I do exactly the same with my husbands fleece. I fall asleep every night with one hand in the sleeve and cuddling the rest.
Love to everyone.
Ann
Hi Deb5,
I understand completely what you are saying. My darling Richard was only 61. I miss him terribly. As you describe, this pain is cruel and like you I’ve never felt anything like it, except the strength of the love I had and still do have for him… much love to all x
@Fay I am so sorry my love . I think you are ok to cry a man who specialises in grief has said it’s 2 years before you even get over the initial shock . Take care of yourself xxx
First day back at work (from home) yesterday so busy but so lonely being alone and did not talk for the whole day. I couldn’t wait for today to go to the office.
It was good to be in the office today having people around, not alone and surprisingly not feeling lonely either. However that didn’t last long enough as when approaching home time I started to stress about going home to an empty house and there the feeling of loneliness crept in before I even got on the train home 
. I am now watching the news in bed waiting to fall asleep and looking forward to going to the office tomorrow to be surrounded by people again.
I hate the feeling of loneliness so much and dread to think about how long this horrible feeling will last - most probably forever
(My angel I miss you, us, what we used to do, where we used to go, our jokes and laughs together - I miss you so much my love )
Hi @Angel1309
It is good that you are back at work with people around. Going back to empty house is how i feel now i dread it.
Being out keeping busy joining clubs volunteering all helps but going home feels terrible i miss his smile laughter cuddles and someone to talk to.
You are right dont think it will ever be any different 1year 2 years 3 years etc. We just adapt to being on our own dont want to but have to in order to get by
I go to bed early putTV on dont watch just background noise
Anyway take care and hope you get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is another day
Stay strong 
Lynne x
I suppose we are all different . I can’t look at his stuff because it kills me that he won’t wear them anymore . I know he is with me . He will never leave me we were soulmates
Hi Lynne
It’s good to be at work with people around, I work from home 2 days & in the office 2 days each week. I could work at the office 4 days but travelling in everyday can be tiring so I’ve chosen to work from home 2 days not ideal but that’s ok. Going home to empty house is not what we want is it - it’s quiet, empty, sad and lonely but we have no choice but to adapt and get on with it sadly 
.
Me too, in bed early every night TV in the background - what a sad and lonely life we are living! Miss him so badly .
Thank you & you too have a good night & stay strong
Sending love & hugs 
I know the feeling I lost my fiancé July last year suddenly so sad feel lost distraught angry why me why us I play music and look at our photos I break every day I miss him so much life seems so cruel and unfair but please find some comfort knowing our loved ones are with us still talk to them and do what you have to do s
I lost my husband 27 December 2022. I still miss him everyday. He was my rock. I talk to him everyday about what I have been up to, the weather, anything. I still find it hard. I could never leave the house without him by my side and now I have to do it on my own. It’s scary. I still have the occasional panic attack and can’t set foot outside the front door. Trying to survive on your own is hard. I was used to being on my own when he was in the army, but you knew he would be coming home again. Now it is just an empty house. I have no family support, so rely on a couple of good friends, but you feel you don’t want to burden them all the time. I have managed to get by since he passed away, and can only hope things will become easier over time. Take care of yourselves and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you should move on. We are all different in the way we cope with grief
Hi everyone Ty so much for your support been spending time with family going home today for first time with my oldest will be hard but Ty everyone
Hi caw1
I’m so pleased you said don’t let people tell you to move on. If, like you, I’d be pleased with a little less pain, but i don’t ever want to move on from my thought’s about my husband. People should not tell others what they need to do. Everyone is unique and we should be proud of the person we lost. Hope that makes just a little bit of sense. Love to all x
@Kittycat. I was chatting to a lady at a club I go to on a Wednesday afternoon told me she stills speaks to her husband and he passed away 8 years ago. This year I have decided I need to join a couple more clubs and made a start by going to one on a Wednesday morning. It wasn’t too bad as I knew quite a few of the people from the Wednesday afternoon group. I joined Brendoncare community groups just after my passed away. They have been a life saver for me. Everyone is so friendly and the majority are in the same situation as me. You are right. We are all unique and we all learn to cope with the change in our circumstances in different ways. I never ever dreamt that I would have the confidence to go out on my own, but I have had to learn to do it. I’ve learnt not to put myself in crowded places because I know I will have a panic attack. I will never get over the loss of ny husband, we were together for 55 years, so it feels as though part of me died with him. Take care everyone and look after yourselves
I had this from some friends I know they mean well but it’s like they want me to forget and move on I will never move on I will go on my journey in life till I see my fiancé and other loved ones again but his music will always live on in me just wish I could have saved him
Angel1309, you mentioning you were in Malta brought back lovely memories of when I went there with my late husband. He also spent a great deal of time out there and on Gozo teaching people to Scuba dive. We spent many happy hours under the waters of Malta!