I went back to work yesterday, before i lost my husband i worked from home a couple of days a week. Now i have asked not to ad i need to be with people in office. I only worked from home so i see my husband a bit more before he went to work , now that has gone . Work are allowing it for now but i am sure in future i will be doing it agsin.
@Retired2 I’m glad my mentioning of Malta brought back your lovely memories of you and your husband. It’s so comforting to revisit the happy moments with our beloved. Whilst I was there with my best friend and her family, I couldn’t help thinking about us when we were there 15 years ago and we both loved the Blue Lagoon so much. It was heartbreaking for me to think that I was having a relaxing time but without him as we used to go everywhere together throughout our 37 years 
2 Likes
I loved working from home then when my angel was sitting to my right which was lovely. We had such good time being in each other’s company while working but now all I get working from home is silence and loneliness .
I would swap to going to the office every workday if I didn’t have to spend an hour travelling on a packed train.
This new life without my angel is so sad and miserable and I dread the next day every day knowing it’s going to be another sad and miserable day - forever
3 Likes
@Angel1309
Your final paragraph reiterates my thoughts and feelings exactly. Oh it’s so hard living with a broken heart isn’t it. Much love x x
3 Likes
@Kittycat
It is so hard living with a broken heart I wouldn’t wish it for anyone
I find myself loving him more now than ever - wherever you are my love I hope you are at peace and happy 
.
Sending love & big hugs X
2 Likes
Working from home today and having music 
in the background - here it comes my angel’s favourite song ´let me down slowly’ being played 
. So sad, so empty and so lonely - I miss you so much my angel
3 Likes
@Angel1309
I’m returning to work on Monday, the very same place where my angel wasn’t watched whilst getting off the Dr’s couch and then fell and smashed his head/face open. It’s going to be very tough to return to. Id like to be able to work from home, but i know my reasoning for that would be to avoid the inevitable trauma I’m going to face when i go into that room for again. I just can’t quite forgive their part in the incident, nor my own for not being with him.
I listened to one of my angel’s favourite songs the other day. It is absolutely heartbreaking for us to listen to it without them by our sides. My heart goes out to you. Take care and try to tolerate some of the meaningless music on the radio. Much love xx
3 Likes
@Kittycat
I know it must be hard for you to go back to the place that will bring back that painful trauma but I commend you for not trying to avoid facing the inevitable and hope that you will be okay on Monday.
Please be kind to yourself by not taking any blame for what happened as it won’t do any good to your mental wellbeing. It’s very important to try and take care of yourself physically and mentally while going through grief. I personally find that although it helps to talk about our feelings but at the end of the day we are really grieving alone day in day out, sadly.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to keep hearing his favourite songs, doing things we used to do together or going places we used to go together - but now without him .
I thank you for your kind words.
Sending love & big hugs X
1 Like
Thank you @Kathy6 i have heard from him through a medium . He has so much love for me and he said he was missing me too . It’s so unfair xx
1 Like
Got up in the middle of the night thinking about all the responsibilities that I am facing alone feeling so scared and so overwhelmed. Insurance coming up for renewal soon, phone due to switch to fibre any day now. A couple of days ago next door neighbour’s van was broken into and all their belongings were stolen.
OMG I am so overwhelmed and stressed by it all.
My angel used to deal with all household stuff and now I am completely hopeless and lost. I have been sleeping better lately - so thankful but tonight not sure why this happened - up at 2 a.m. and can’t seem to stop worrying and can’t go back to sleep . No one to turn to and chat or confine in about anything anymore - so alone and lonely
Missing my angel so much .
8 Likes
@Angel1309
You’re so right. The responsibility is overwhelming. Everything to think about and a desperate longing to share it with our angels. Even just their presence would make things so much easier. You’re not alone, even though i know it always seems to feel like it now. Sending Love xxxx
2 Likes
I feel exactly the same @Angel1309 and @Kittycat …My husband dealt with all the household stuff as well, the direct debits, accounts etc. He was also great at sorting most things round the house. I have just asked for the Bereavement Team when I’ve had to deal with a company to change things and they have all been very kind and compassionate. But it still makes me really anxious when I have to do something like that in case I get it all wrong. One of the last things we talked about before he died very suddenly was that we need to replace some windows and I have someone coming out today to give me a quote. I’m stressed about it because I don’t have Hunter there to understand the technicalities. But it needs done sooner rather than later. I feel so lost and alone without him beside me and this is what life is going to be like from now on. Xx
3 Likes
We didnt have any of these worries when they were here so its just another worry along with trying to deal with the grief xxx
2 Likes
Hello. My husband too dealt with all the house things which needed tradesmen ,phone calls etc. i am anxious and fearful most of the time but cannot cope when things go wrong without him here. The winter weatjer in Scotland can be grim
And I am dreading frost and snow as I have to walk our Labrador each day. Not long gone back to driving. Husband drove us everywhere. And will just have to accept being housebound if wintry weather. Have not been on a bus for many years so no confidence now to use bus pass. Take care xx
2 Likes
@Pakapa The week after Hunter died the letterbox came off completely in my hand and I had a meltdown. The window salesman came out today, and I felt quite alone and vulnerable as a widow now. Fortunately it was more straightforward than I had feared, and I will get another couple of quotes, but it is horrible to start having to do major things like this all on my own. Everything was always done as a team and all I can do is try to hear his words in my head .
I still haven’t applied for my bus pass, Hunter always said I’d never know when I might need it. I’m okay with driving, but I also live in Scotland in a rural area and when it snows it’s either Shank’s pony or hibernation.Take care xx
2 Likes
@Kittycat
Thank you. It’s comforting to know I am not alone in this horrendous situation.
So true, even just our angels’ presence would make things so much easier!!
I so wish my angel would be here with me everyday but all I can do now is talk to him morning afternoon and night just to feel he is right beside me every moment. We were so close and inseparable and I’ve been told the deeper love you had for each other the harder you grieve .
I hope & pray it will get better for us all someday 
Sending love & big hugs xxx
2 Likes
@Mist2
My heart goes out to you I understand what you’re going through right now.
My angel used to take care of everything with ease and calm and I am now have to deal with what needs to be done while learning as I go along - very anxiously. It’s stressful when you don’t understand how things work and don’t know where to start. I hate this life without my angel beside me - miss him so much .
I do hope you manage to get the windows replaced without any problems.
Please take care.
X
2 Likes
Exactly - our angels loved us and made us feel safe and protected now we lost them and our whole world fell apart - our lives are now meaningless .
Xxx
2 Likes
Thank you @Angel1309 It’s just awful to feel so vulnerable and confused. With a very small circle of people around me I don’t want to keep imposing on them all the time . But I have lost so much confidence. I can’t be bothered with anything but there are things that need to be tackled and it’s all down to me now. I haven’t just lost the love of my life , I’ve lost my way of life as we all have. Take care xx
7 Likes
Not at all, we are here to share and care for one another this platform is so wonderful to give us this chance to air and share our thoughts and feelings.
I can resonate with every sentence you’ve said - life is never the same again . Take care X
2 Likes