Like you Mist2 I am a bit lost. I’ve had to organise a complete new fencing for the garden after those gales recently. I did manage it and whittled down the quotes. The new fence is coming end of the month. Yet when my computer stopped working I felt panic as all my paperwork is stored there. Luckily I have a brilliant son in law who came over and fixed it for me. Just a simple fuse needed sorting, but he also made it safe electrically as my husband had so many plugs running off one socket under his desk. I’m 71 and can’t get down there so I had no idea of the fire risk!
I can hear my husband telling me to stay calm though. I’ve been alone now for 16 weeks but I still miss him so much. I heard yesterday that a friend died and her funeral is on the 18 week mark at the same chapel of the crematorium where I said goodbye to Philip. It’ll be very hard but I’m determined to go to say goodbye to my friend.
@Retired2
You are very thoughtful and caring to say goodbye to your friend at the same place. I do admire you for that. It doesn’t matter if you crumble or if you don’t. You should be very proud of yourself, as I’m sure your angel would be. Xxxx
I agree with @Kittycat…. it will be difficult for you @Retired2 , and I think your friend would be very touched that you managed to do that for her. Xx
Got up this morning feeling hopeful and optimistic, went grocery shopping then to the cemetery to put flowers and chat with my angel and after that went out for lunch. All went okay until getting on the train home in the afternoon that’s when I started to feel anxious about going back to an empty house to face that feeling of sadness, emptiness and loneliness again. This seems to be the usual pattern - mornings full of hope; afternoons full of anxiety and sadness!
Life without my angel is cruel 
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oh i so agree, the mornings are fine and i think i can cope but as the day goes on my optimism wains and by 4 pm i am in full grief mode and i don’t want to live without him xx
A bit late to this conversation, but just catching up. I’m also approaching the 6 month mark of losing my beloved wife of 31 years, she was only 55. I wasn’t dreading the festive period but was looking forward to getting through another milestone - another “first” without her. We negotiated it ok but I now find that as it has passed and we are getting back to normal I am missing her even more now than at any time previously since she died. I actually find myself fantasising about the most mundane things that we used to do - just walking into a room and seeing her sitting there, just watching her pull up in the driveway and going out to help bring bags in from the car, just shouting from the kitchen “I’m making a cup of tea, do you want one?”, and her shouting back “Ooooh, yes please!”. People say that time is a great healer - maybe it is but the longer it is since I lost her, the more I seem to miss her. I don’t think to myself, well that’s been a while now, I’m used to her not being around - nothing could be further from the truth. I have new routines and obviously things have changed and I dare say a lot of people think I am coping well. I feel that I am to some degree but I just miss her so much. 
@DWJ
I’ll soon be at the 6 month point from losing my husband. He was 61, married 34 years. It does seem to get worse, not better. Everyone is carrying on as usual and think they are helping by telling me I’m doing great. They don’t have a clue about the hidden pain we face every day. I’ve decided to be more honest when people ask how I’m doing, not sure if it will help or not, but why should my feelings about losing my angel be locked away. He was worth so much more. As you say, it’s the day to day little things which are missed the most. Much love xxxx
@DWJ I am in a similar position it’s 7 months since I lost my husband of 30 years. He was 58 . I am coping in public but inside I am totally lost without my soulmate . I can’t see this feeling will leave me for a long time as we were so deeply in love . No one’s grief is the same . I am.glad you doing okay
Yes, it’s hard. I’d love to reassure you that it gets better, or even just easier to cope with but, after nearly 4 years without my husband, I am afraid I can’t. I, like you, am making the effort to get on with my life but the light has definitely gone out. I suppose that’s the price we have to pay in return for such happiness and contentment.
It’s been over 8 months now and I still can’t bear to use the word beginning with ‘d’ - it’s too painful I can only refer to my angel as ‘passed away’ instead.
I keep imagining his every day movement, walking around the house doing the usual things everyday as if he was still around. Oddly, I find that quite comforting so I talk to him all the time. It’s so sad, empty and lonely every day without my angel - love him now more than ever & missing him more than I can say
I feel your pain I lost my beautiful fiancé best friend in July 19 2023 I talk to him every day and wish I could see him again I wasn’t allowed to the chapel of rest or his funeral to say goodbye cause of his family and his ex wife etc it hurts so bad and because I went and collected our things we shared together in his flat I was branded a thief I feel so lost and alone I just want Steve back my dJ we went every where together but I do feel for his daughter must be so hard losing a father so young and so tragically I’ll Never forget his voice as he slowly faded away on the telephone I called ambulance but was too late 
Angel1309 I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m starting to try and put some routine into my days but I still find myself moping over a coffee or tears popping up unexpectedly. Today I treated myself for the first time and went to have a full body massage. I have to say it relaxed me so much I fell asleep on the couch! I did feel a lot more energised afterward, enough to get home and take the dog for a walk in -2’c temperatures. I’ve also got a Jane Plan delivery coming on Thursday to kickstart my weight loss. I’ve been comfort eating and the weight has piled on. So I am starting to put myself first at last, let’s see if I can keep it up!
Hi @ Rerieed2
Nice to see you have treated yourself. I think we all forget to look after ourselves.
Today someone said it was blue Monday 15 Jan 2024 and it certainly felt like that today tears ans upset and nor feeling too great.
I have had opposite of youself not eating or sleeping well for the last 7 months. Losinf weight need to start eating better.
Tomorrow we are expecting snow in Scotland so maybe a day for staying at home.
Please take care look after yourself
Wishing you a good night 
Lynne Xx
I am so sorry for your loss. That’s so cruel that you weren’t allowed to even say goodbye to your beloved, my heart goes out to you and hope that you keep strong as you will need your strength to deal with the grief of him.
Take care x
Thank you hopefully he’s with me xx
@Retired2 I agree it’s hard to try put some routine into your days - I feel the same, now and then tears just creep up on me without any reason whatsoever but I’ve been told tears help ease the pain both physically and mentally so it’s good to just cry when we need to.
It seems massage did wonders for you, wow, maybe I should get one for myself to relieve all these anxiety and stress.
So pleased you started to put yourself first and hope it goes well for you 
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Take care x
Me too, I hardly ate or slept in the first 6-7 months and lost 2 stone, slept 4 hours max during that period and only lately that I started to sleep better and stop losing more weight - fingers crossed it’s going in this direction 
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Take care X
You’re welcome - I talk to my angel everyday and feel he is with me all the time just like the way it used to be! I hope same goes to you - take care x
Thanks
I’ve ordered an on line shop tonight hopefully batch cook tomorrow some meals for the next few weeks. Maybe help me get back to normal eating again.
I really miss eating with my husband on your own not so good but i guess he is still around although not physically.
Today is blue monday and i do feel down today. Hope tomorrow is better 
Sleep well
Lynne Xx
Not at all 
Eating alone is no fun but we need to eat just to survive. I cook in batches too, but only simple and basic meals to keep me occupied - not fancy dishes I used to experiment following recipes on YouTube which we both were so excited to taste most days! Now I have enough meals in my freezer to keep me full for weeks but I still can’t stop cooking - every time I get bored when at home I go into the kitchen and start cooking.
Hope you feel better tomorrow & days after!
Have a good night 
X