@AnnR
Apparently the blue light on the screen is known to be the culprit when we can’t fall asleep so I try not to use my phone when waking up in the middle of the night. It’s not a bad idea though to start up a ‘midnight club’ or something.
It’s comforting to know I am not the only one staying up for hours most nights.
One can never underestimate the power of grief!
Sleep well 
everyone x
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@AnnR you can count me in on “the wide awake club” I haven’t slept for a full night for months, thank goodness I don’t have to go to work. I think it’s possible to control your thoughts during the day time, and occupy yourself one way or another. But my brain had free range over night and keeps me awake fretting and grieving and worrying about everything. I almost dread bedtime now, it used to be a comforting time. Keep posting , lots of love xx
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Thank you Angel and welcome to the club!
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Hi Kathy6,
Gosh the ‘wide awake club’ is taking off! The problem now is to work up the energy to get up and go to the iPad or whatever to post! I don’t use my phone for that so I would have to go into another room or remember to take the iPad into the bedroom. I have always avoided doing that because of the blue light and because I would be on there instead of trying to sleep!
I did try sleeping tablets just after Tony died but although they were a small dose, they worked, but I was like a zombie the next day.
If we were able to sleep, we could say it was a nightmare!! (Sorry, couldn’t resist).
Night night wide awake club. Speak again soon x
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I used to sleep very little but the gp put me on mitazapine the lowest dose and I sleep well now . I don’t intend to stay on them forever but they are good for now
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I don’t sleep that well, never have. But since my husband passed away 27 December 2022, my brain went into overdrive. I now take Rescue Remedy Unwind for Sleep. I am a bit sceptic on herbal remedies but I can honestly say these work for me. I don’t sleep all night but my brain doesn’t go into overdrive when I go to bed, allowing me to get a few sleep in. I find at the moment I seem to be a lot more tearful going into the second year. The acceptance that he is no longer coming back home has sunk in and it has hit me like a tidal wave. I can only hope that when the warmer months return I can start to feel better. My friend and I are going to arrange lots of day trips in the summer and I am hoping to be brave enough to visit my friend in the Lake District. Take care everyone
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I was on them but came off when my mum passed years ago made me aggressive doctors gave me sleepers for the evening x so sorry for your loss
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Sunday morning, I am sitting up on the bed reading the newspaper as usual like any other Sunday for the past several years, except that now alone and empty.
I find myself reminiscing about us reading the newspaper side by side happily and occasionally turning to him and discussing about going out to lunch later on & where we wanted to go. Now reading the Travel section of the paper, my heart suddenly sank thinking about how we used to go places together every holiday but what about this year, next year and so on - this is unbearably painful 
. My angel is missing all things that he used to love - beautiful places to explore, divine food to taste and lovely people to meet - and I am missing the most important thing in my whole life, his company! Life is so cruel and meaningless without my beautiful angel - I miss you so much my love, forever .
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Hi @Angel1309
Sending you hugs and love 
today.
Yes Weekends and especially Sundays bring home you loss and memories of what you used to do with them around.
It is just not the same dont think it ever will be. Holidays a think of the past unless you want to go on solo holidays. I suppose you will be lonely whether home or on holiday so maybe try to do small trip first or coach trip for a couple of days.
Trying to keep busy during the week as retired in 2021 although did part time work uptil Jun 23 when he passed away.
Take care and i hope your day goes ok.
These days are long and without support from my family around it takes me a while to motivate me to get up
Lynne x
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Hii @ ilovehorses
Sending love and hugs 
I too am trying to sort out garage (he kept everything) real DIY and garden person.
I also brought his paperwork to shred he kept so much back to 2006 including all hospital appointments.
Its so sad its like erasing part of him bit by bit.
Crying again when will i feel better nearly 7 months on i feel i’m back at the beginning again.
Take care
Lynne Xx
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Hi @Galaxy75
received & thank you. 
I might just try a solo long weekend to start with maybe in the spring just to see how it goes, fingers crossed!
I started working part time (4 days/week) in November 2022 and was thinking of reducing further to 3 days/week but since my angel passed away I don’t think I can go 3 days until I can work out if I will be okay, emotionally and financially.
I have the builders completing the garden wall outside so it’s nice to have people around even though they are not in the house - strangely, it helps to have some noises nearby!
yes, days are long indeed without the family around, my daughter and her family live down on the southeast so I don’t see them often she comes up to see me once a month and I am very thankful to have her company then. Back to work tomorrow but from home so can’t wait for Tuesday when I go into the office to see colleagues again 
Hope you have a good week you can xx
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@Galaxy75 I hate clearing old paperwork etc, it’s like erasing them isn’t it, it makes me very sad, but it is a job that has to be done at some point. Sending love while you do these jobs xx
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Thank you @Ilovehorses
I know the feeling, everything you see of his brings back memories and tears. It’s been 8+ months I am still so loss and hopeless every single day longing for his company - it’s impossible I know but it is so hard not to have him around anymore
Take care x
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That’s how I am tina my wife my best friend my sole miss you xx 15.12.23we said our goodbye wish we never had to I no your in no more pain . Just wish we could have grown old together hate it lonely in house looking for you xx
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It’s horrid never the same day twice get up ok ish then look round house what we did. Asda shopping tears just rolling down me face .we did this together Had to walk out life not fair x wish you all the best x and hope we all find away through this xxx
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yes, just wish we could have grown old together - I used to say to my angel we would still be travelling together in our 80s with walking sticks and we laughed about it so hard every time and now there is no such thing! He was only 61! Empty and lonely in the house without my angel
X
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Had a visitation from
My
Love last night in full form well my daughter did he wants me to move on in my life and do what I use to do not forget him but try move forward in my life I know he’s always gonna be with me and I’m still emotional 
and miss him loads he knows I’m independent and strong has anyone else had this x
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Tina just turned 60 on 11.11.63 could not celebrate as tina was in hospital been in a year fighting leukaemia said we celebrate this year an do all the things we said we would do
I hurt of every second that goes bye she was my rock xx a now my angel .not really coping tell our kids I’m ok but I’m lying x
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Sorry for your loss they say it get easier in time but we just have to learn to live with our grief each day it’s nice your protecting your children but if they are older you need to reach out this forum is good to communicate and talk about things our loved ones are always with us talk to her she will here you x
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That’s truly wonderful and beautiful!
My angel came to my dream last week one night after I had a panic evening turning on the bedroom light and blew the fuse while doing that. I panicked and called the neighbour for help he kindly helped me putting the fuse back in the correct position. I was so stress and anxious and couldn’t go to sleep that night - later on I fell asleep and there he was so still let me hug him tight for a long moment as if to comfort and reassure that everything would be okay. I got up in the morning feeling free of any stress and anxiety - so I thanked him for his loving and caring. I feel so loved and assured to know that he is still watching over me even he is no longer here physically! (My love, I hope that you are at peace and happy wherever you are, I love and miss you more than I can say - till the day we meet again).
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