Not had a good night up awake from 2 shut my eyes and hoping I can see Tina in heaven trying to find Tina talking all the time could not find Tina I’ll try again tonight hate it my last words to Tina I love you to the moon an back xx
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Thank you he didn’t charge me either normally they range between £60 onwards he’s an old school friend he does pet fur or ashes aswell x
Thank you my beloved loved light blue like his eyes so had it made I wasn’t allowed his ashes etc so had it made with hair think mine is garnet as born dec his birthday nov xx I have good and bad days life can be so cruel sometimes my angel was only 51 when he passed didn’t even get married as planned x hope you find comfort in This group etc and take each day as it comes because grief is love with no place to go x
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I had that trouble when Steve first passed my doctor gave me sleepers only way I can sleep at night makes me calmer but I still wake and cry every day and night the grief never goes away we just have to learn to deal with it day by day remember Tina is always with you and sometime spirit don’t realise they have died they need help crossing over I’m going to see a spiritual medium in march as I need closure but I’ll never forget Steve or what he done for me hence the ring if you have Tina’s ashes or some hair etc make a ring or knecklace in her memory then she’ll always be with you x
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I no or I don’t no seems to always near the end of the week x went up to Costco Southampton drive I was talking to Tina as if she was next to me got the trolley walking around 20 minutes looked over said to Tina I can’t do this x sorry I tried babes but I can’t just got in now x feel I failed x
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@Galaxy75 exactly how I am feeling these days one step forward 5 steps 
missing my angel so badly 
I live in London so maybe an online group would suit better 
Best wishes xx
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Thanks Galaxy75. Yes it’s hard to not feel guilty for getting on with my life. I know my husband would not want me to mope but some days it’s tough. 2 weeks into the diet and I’ve lost 7lbs so happy with that. Long way to go but it’s in the right direction.
I’ve started redecorating the bedroom now to brighten it up and oust the bad memories of his illness. His portrait will be in pride of place by the bed when I’ve finished so I hope he’s looking down on me with good comments!
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Hi @Retired2
I have never tried decorating my husband did these things. Maybe need to try well maybe painting first
Im having mixed feeling he died tragically at home and cant get the memory out of my mind. He loved this house and garden but i have not been able to settle sinxe he died. I have said give myself a couple of years to try if not i will have to look at moving. I am a bit issolated here and dont drive. Currently fit enough to walk so 10 mins to bus stop i can do but who knows whats in the future.
Lynne x
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Hope tonight will be better for you 
xx
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A good friend indeed x
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Hi,
It is not automatic the spouse gets access to their husband’s pension, it now apparently is up to another department now to decide if you get anything and I was told I was not getting, my husband only had 2 yrs of collecting his pension before he passed after working & paying national insurance for 50 yrs( you only need 35 yrs contributions to get your full pension)
I tried to find out how they came to that conclusion, one guy said usually it’s because they didn’t have enough contributions, I assured him that was definitely not the case.
I never did get a straight answer and gave up phoning, as you are on hold for a long time before they respond, in hindsight maybe thats their way of avoiding the issue !
@Kittycat im so sorry your husband has died , and you have been left traumatised.
By coincidence, my beloved Baz also died in a doctors surgery . He went in for something trivial so we thought but had a massive cardiac arrest . The doctors and paramedics were unable to save him , he was gone instantly. I have avoided the surgery since then due to trauma . Once I absolutely had to go in but I was escorted by a mental health worker. I had a panic attack. You are very brave for going in . I have admiration for your strength because at the moment I know I need to see a doctor but I still avoid . I’m just hoping I’ll feel better . I think I need to change surgery but I’m trying to move ( again ) so I don’t know where to register.
Sending you love and strength
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Your not a failure just finding it hard without her I get that I’m the same but some how I’ve found the strength each day to get up and live another day it’s helps as I live with my eldest and my cat sleeps on my bed have you family or Tina’s friends and family you can talk too ?
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Hi @Ladysuisei6
Sorry about your experience
My husband passed unexpectedly suddenly he collspsed behind bathroom door could not get in. The trauma lives with me forever. I can go into bathroom but cant shut door. I quickly shower brush teeth use bathroom but just cant settle
Dont like being in house on my own go out every day. Have to spend nights on my own but dont sleep well unless i take sleeping tablets which are not the answer.
I dont have family or friends nearby so basically coping on my own.
Waiting for councelling should be April my husband passed away in June 2023.
Guess im just having to get through best 
i can
Take care
Lynne x
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@Galaxy75 oh that all sounds really traumatic and I’m not surprised your house has suddenly become a threatening frightening place .
As me and Baz only rented our house I moved . I haven’t settled though . I’m now in a 1 bedroom flat ( HA) and the same awful thoughts which I had in the house have followed me here too . In the house , I started doing the sorts of things you do - gradually there were only certain bits I could face going in . So now I want to move again. It’s difficult to find something else - I doubt I’ll be offered another council place for ages so I’ll have to make the best of it .
I do think that all this trauma plays in our minds and for me , I know I’ll never be right . I expect you feel the same .
Sending you love
Julie xxx
Hi,
This whole state pension thing is getting more confusing by the minute! I logged onto Gov.org website and it stated that surviving spouse was entitled to 50% of the husband/wife’s additional pension. I then applied and got a letter telling me that my husband had contracted out for a period of time and hence I was not entitled to receive the share of his additional state pension. I rang up the DWP and queried and was told the same. I also received a letter explaining the surviving spouse is entitled to 50% - but in my case, my husband had contracted out and hence I am not entitled that how I’ve understood.
I agree with you that they were not keen to speak or explain when I rang they sounded reluctant to help so I gave up.
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@Angel1309
Don’t get me started on pensions such an unfair system my partner payed all his life and only received 1 years payment before he died. and although we were living together for 33 years I wasn’t entitled to didderly squat only if I was married… we were all ready to marry in 2020 most of the
Wedding paid for then Covid came along and it got cancelled three times… then we never got round to rearranging it… even worse I have my dress 
He did however leave me his private pension in his will… it however had to go to a board of governors who decided weather I could have any as we weren’t married the only thing that saved me was my name change in 1990 when our son was born and I had to pay 5000 to change the pension into my name
Before access… makes
Me so mad…
@Ilovehorses They changed the rules, you have to have been married before 2016 to be entitled to any state pension inheritance. I’m so glad my wife never found that out, probably the only reason she married me 
Hi
On top of everything we are going through the pain grief heartache we have to be made to jump through loops backwards
I’m sorry i too have given up my husband retired early 3 months before he passed do not entitled to lump sum but got 1/3 of private pension. Not entitled to any of his state pension as he was not at pension age when he passed. Only entitled to £100 per month for 4 months then i got my own state pension at 66 so not entitled to anything now. He payed his NI for over 40 years and all the time he worked accounts for nothing. I’m really annoyed at how people nowadays are treated.
Lynne x
How odd that’s how I feel from 0130 this morning right through the day it’s been bad went shopping got nothing could not do it said to Tina in my mind just can’t babes I tried x just so upset to day I no only been 6weeks but it’s 6 weeks with out x small steps they say wish my brain would tell me I’m broken x
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