Thankyou. May jump in hot tub an boil for a bit x happy sunday
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@Galaxy75 Hi, hope the counselling goes well for you. Bad night for me. Why do I always wake around 2 or 3am and then my brain starts working overtime
and goes back to horrible times. Then it takes me ages to get back to sleep. Feel a real wreck today. Hope you all have a good day. x
Ann
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Hi @ AnnieG1
Thanks today been a bad day.
For no reason just cant stop crying really upset today. Hopeing it will pass as we all have these type of days. But i’ve not had so many but last 2 days have been worse almost like earlier feel back to day 1.
I dont sleep well either mind to active at 3am. Dont enjoy eating or Making food alone. So just snack or dont eat i know it makes me lose weight 2 stone do far.
What a day trued to do some garden work but just not upto it. Gardening makes me sad it was something he loved and i dont hopefully i will grow to like it as we have a large garden full of empty vegetable raised beds i have covered with plastic as cant motivate to do anything.
Here’s hoping you all have a good Sunday.
Lynne
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Hi I hope you don’t mind me jumping in on your conversations? I didn’t have a good day yesterday didn’t see anybody and just felt so alone. Not sure how today will go but hope for a better day. Like you Lynne, I lost a lot of weight to begin with but have gained some again now. Also my sleep pattern is all over the place. I sit and think to myself “how has my life ended up like this.” It wasn’t supposed to be like this.x
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Hi it’s not nice must be something to with this weekend mine started Fri an here it is Sunday slept down stairs in front room seems like I’m going backwards not forward x try an have Sunday think I’m going in kitchen try doing Sunday dinner for 1 like most of us lost weight can’t be bothered to cook going to try. Now down to 67kilo not good all I see now is bone showing through skin got to do something about it an eat a bit more an regular x look after yourself means all of you on here reading this talk later. Here goes cooking or burnt offerings x
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I also think " how has my life ended up like this " I feel like I’m being punished for something , maybe loving my husband beyond words could explain . I have had one proper night sleep since he died . Well really since he got cancer . I thought it maybe the start of me sleeping properly . But no . Still either fall asleep about 10 then wake every hour , or just can’t get to sleep ,so end up sitting watching the telly . My husband used to say I could sleep on a washing line . Oh how I regret those wasted sleeps , when I could of spent more time with him . If only we knew , how we would of done things different , x
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Hi @Broken2222
I know how you feel.
I just dont sleep well. Just naps for a couple of hours then awake for hours trying to get to sleep. Have resorted to sleeping tablets but feel worse if i take them.
Spend too much time thinking but my brain is still in brain fog mode cant concentrate on anything just feel sad too.
It has been 9 months this week i feel worse like back to 1st day just dont know why this is happening now.
I dont work now just retired last year so find my days long and nights longer
I’ve survived ovarian cancer 3 years back covid but not coping with his death well.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day
Take care
Lynne 
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Hi @Galaxy75 it will be three years in September since my husband died. I found the second year terrible . The reality set in , that this is it now . Sorry to say I’m not giving you any hope . I have accepted he can’t come back and have had to adapt my life to living without him . I still have brain fog or as I call it Broken Brain . Some days nothing makes sense . And sometimes it feels like this isn’t my life I’m living now . My happy life is going on somewhere without me . …you have had such a lot to deal with in your life , but the death of partner is the worst of the worst and then some. All we can hope for is we do eventually find a better way to cope , xtake carex
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Hi @ Broken 2222
Life really moves on i cant believe it has been 9 months and soon i will realise it is a year. Where does time go. We move on in this new world alone i guess existing not what we wanted but we have to deal with.
Wonder how they are existing in the world they gave gone to are they upset at losing us like we are of them.
Too many unanswered questions
Take care
Lynne
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@Galaxy75 I read or someone said , that time means nothing to them . It feels like seconds to them when it’s years to us . Hopefully someone might be able to explain it better. You know what scares me . My husband was 59 when he died . So he will always be 59 . If I end up living a long lonely life . And am really old when I die . Will he even recognise me , will he even want this old woman . I sit sometimes and imagine him holding out his hand for me and smiling saying to me your home now . But then I think , what if he looks at me and says your not my wife . See broken brain and crazy mind . I think if I told a professional this . I might get locked up 
x
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Hi @Galaxy75 .we seem to be on the same path always. 9 months for me last week. Although I don’t wish anyone to go through what I am going through it does help to read that you are going through the same thing. I hope that dosnt sound awful. Not quite so many tears today so far thankfully. Take care. Ann x
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How nasty I had a friend like that I got rid of
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Hi @Galaxy75 ,
I too find it hard to sleep, it will be a year on May 1st since my husband passed and not sleeping much is my issue too, it seems as soon as I switch off the bedside light I immediately start thinking about my husband and thats it I’m upset & awake for hours.
And judging by others on here who are further along the grief journey than us its a common symptom. That and the living alone which I do not like, its a lonely existence x
We were married for 47 yrs so I have never lived alone till now.
I hope all of us on this site eventually come to terms with being widows and live better in the meantime we have each other to chat too xx
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Hi @ Georgi
It’s strange i was with my husband for 38 years married for 35 had 36 anniversary 2 months after he passed away.
Like you we were always together just the two of us.
I find living on my own strange and dont think i will get used to it but i guess i will need to adapt as this is now my new life.
Thank goodness we are not alone as everybody feels the same here.
Unless you have lost someone you really dont get the grief heartache 
we all go through.
Take care
Hope you manage some sleep tonight
Lynne
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Hi @AnnieG1
I think we all hope to see our loved ones again. Like you say we could be 20 years older but they will be forever young.
I hope we do meet again as i miss him terribly and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and always will.
Take care
Lynne
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It’s a year in may for me too . It’s not as raw as the first three months but I am still lost without my rock of a husband . He made me feel so safe . I need to go away for the date . I can’t face it yet
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Just for the fact your here to share with us peace is guarantee 
let love and peace lead 
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my heart felt condolences
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It’s well things happen for reason’s