I also think " how has my life ended up like this " I feel like I’m being punished for something , maybe loving my husband beyond words could explain . I have had one proper night sleep since he died . Well really since he got cancer . I thought it maybe the start of me sleeping properly . But no . Still either fall asleep about 10 then wake every hour , or just can’t get to sleep ,so end up sitting watching the telly . My husband used to say I could sleep on a washing line . Oh how I regret those wasted sleeps , when I could of spent more time with him . If only we knew , how we would of done things different , x
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Hi @Broken2222
I know how you feel.
I just dont sleep well. Just naps for a couple of hours then awake for hours trying to get to sleep. Have resorted to sleeping tablets but feel worse if i take them.
Spend too much time thinking but my brain is still in brain fog mode cant concentrate on anything just feel sad too.
It has been 9 months this week i feel worse like back to 1st day just dont know why this is happening now.
I dont work now just retired last year so find my days long and nights longer
I’ve survived ovarian cancer 3 years back covid but not coping with his death well.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day
Take care
Lynne 
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Hi @Galaxy75 it will be three years in September since my husband died. I found the second year terrible . The reality set in , that this is it now . Sorry to say I’m not giving you any hope . I have accepted he can’t come back and have had to adapt my life to living without him . I still have brain fog or as I call it Broken Brain . Some days nothing makes sense . And sometimes it feels like this isn’t my life I’m living now . My happy life is going on somewhere without me . …you have had such a lot to deal with in your life , but the death of partner is the worst of the worst and then some. All we can hope for is we do eventually find a better way to cope , xtake carex
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Hi @ Broken 2222
Life really moves on i cant believe it has been 9 months and soon i will realise it is a year. Where does time go. We move on in this new world alone i guess existing not what we wanted but we have to deal with.
Wonder how they are existing in the world they gave gone to are they upset at losing us like we are of them.
Too many unanswered questions
Take care
Lynne
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@Galaxy75 I read or someone said , that time means nothing to them . It feels like seconds to them when it’s years to us . Hopefully someone might be able to explain it better. You know what scares me . My husband was 59 when he died . So he will always be 59 . If I end up living a long lonely life . And am really old when I die . Will he even recognise me , will he even want this old woman . I sit sometimes and imagine him holding out his hand for me and smiling saying to me your home now . But then I think , what if he looks at me and says your not my wife . See broken brain and crazy mind . I think if I told a professional this . I might get locked up 
x
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Hi @Galaxy75 .we seem to be on the same path always. 9 months for me last week. Although I don’t wish anyone to go through what I am going through it does help to read that you are going through the same thing. I hope that dosnt sound awful. Not quite so many tears today so far thankfully. Take care. Ann x
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How nasty I had a friend like that I got rid of
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Hi @Galaxy75 ,
I too find it hard to sleep, it will be a year on May 1st since my husband passed and not sleeping much is my issue too, it seems as soon as I switch off the bedside light I immediately start thinking about my husband and thats it I’m upset & awake for hours.
And judging by others on here who are further along the grief journey than us its a common symptom. That and the living alone which I do not like, its a lonely existence x
We were married for 47 yrs so I have never lived alone till now.
I hope all of us on this site eventually come to terms with being widows and live better in the meantime we have each other to chat too xx
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Hi @ Georgi
It’s strange i was with my husband for 38 years married for 35 had 36 anniversary 2 months after he passed away.
Like you we were always together just the two of us.
I find living on my own strange and dont think i will get used to it but i guess i will need to adapt as this is now my new life.
Thank goodness we are not alone as everybody feels the same here.
Unless you have lost someone you really dont get the grief heartache 
we all go through.
Take care
Hope you manage some sleep tonight
Lynne
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Hi @AnnieG1
I think we all hope to see our loved ones again. Like you say we could be 20 years older but they will be forever young.
I hope we do meet again as i miss him terribly and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and always will.
Take care
Lynne
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It’s a year in may for me too . It’s not as raw as the first three months but I am still lost without my rock of a husband . He made me feel so safe . I need to go away for the date . I can’t face it yet
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Just for the fact your here to share with us peace is guarantee 
let love and peace lead 
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my heart felt condolences
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It’s well things happen for reason’s
Thank you very much. Thats kind of you… i hope youre right 
x
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Thanks for asking am well sure you too??
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Oh so so true ! Thank you for sharing
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Please remember you are never on your own. We are all here to share, listen and support one another xxx
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Love reading as you say we are here we lost someone very special been 4 months as most of you no miss tina she was an is my sole mate my best friend my wife. An now my angel and when my time comes we will meet again to be honest with you all I can’t wait till the day I get the calling card it’s horrible on your own cooking cleaning shopping and the rest I find my self talking to tina think next door must think I’m nuts probably am xx here to listen and most of all thankyou for listening x
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Sorry for your loss
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