So sorry for everones loss. I’m fairly new to this, only 61/2 weeks and since the funeral it seems like my grief has started all over agsin. I made a promise to my husband, he wanted me to go on and live my life, but I don’t know how to. I miss him so so much and the heartbreak just doesn’t seem to be easing. I’m trying to take one step at a time, filling my days with things to do or places to go. But I still have to return to my empty, lonely home. He’s not here and I don’t want to be.
I’ve found this forum to be a help because I can write down how I’m feeling and no one will judge, no one will say I should be getting over it. I never will but I hope in time to learn to live with it
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This amazing forum certainly helps enormously I don’t know how I would have managed so far without sharing my thoughts and traumatic experiences here.
Thank you to everyone who read and responded 
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I had the celebrant visit today to sit down and plan for the funeral which is next week and they were brilliant but I was a mess. She was professional enough at the end to say we should consider my resilience, particularly when having to leave my wife behind. I acknowledged that today that felt like a very real risk but I would focus on that on the week ahead. However, in the safety of this forum she is bloody right to raise it. My son is a key player either in distracting me or providing support (or both) but also that this is about my wife and celebrating her life not my grief so I’m hoping the combination help.
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We requested it through the funeral director as when she was in hospital all she wanted to do was come home , so she will do , if only for half an hour .
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It was a privilege to be able to do them. If we had been married, I would have had him at home til the funeral. I know his brother has his ashes now, no idea whether I will be asked to go with the family to scatter them, or whatever they plan, but I have to be satisfied that I got my own way over most of the funeral arrangements.
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Oh well I got though Steve’s birthday with the help of the family . It was a shame it was a really wet day I wanted to walk along Weymouth sea front like me and Steve had done so many time
He loved coming to Weymouth for family holidays 
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@Pam14 Glad you got through the day and marked Steves birthday. Sorry the weather couldnt have been kinder. I’m sure Steve was walking with you.
I have my first “first” tomorrow, our wedding anniversary, exactly a week after Rogers funeral, thats going to be tough
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All the firsts are really hard they say but I bet it will always be hard every day is very hard . I don’t like my new life without him it’s very lonely isn’t it and I’m not looking forward to going back home and being on my own again x
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You’re so right. I’m going to my sisters for a couple of weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to push my grief to the back of my mind (I won’t)
But I’ve stiĺl got to come back to this empty house. I dont think I’ll ever get used to that.
The heartbreak is still there, the missing is still there. I don’t know how we get past that
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Well its here, our Anniversary, I’ve struggled a bit this morning. I’m going out with my Grandaughter to buy the locket he wanted to get me at Christmas.
There was a robin in my garden this morning so I’m hoping Roger had come to wish me Happy Anniversary
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So sorry for your loss, the smallest things can set your emotions off, just let the tears flow xx
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We can all wish you Happy Anniversary on here x
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Wishing you a happy anniversary, going out with your granddaughter is a good distraction.
I had a robin come after my husband passed last May and it visited every day for months and would follow me round the garden as I weeded, it brought me comfort xx
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My wife’s son still has her ashes I’ve tried but he won’t part with them I don’t think ill ever get them back 
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Hope you can have a good day thinking off you x
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Thankyou all for your kind thoughts. I’ve had a good day with my Grandaughter. I got the locket, then we went for lunch and ended up in our local. It was nice, I’ve laughed and cried and hugged and been hugged.
Now I’m back home alone, thats the hardest thing, coming home and Rogers not here. I miss him so much
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Yes thats the part I find the hardest coming home to an empty house, think its something I will never get used too xx
That must be so hard I can’t imagine how I would deal with that xx You never think of these things, I always assumed the surviving spouse would get the ashes not a son xxx
Exactly my sentiments x
The first anniversary of his passing is approaching fast - in a couple of weeks- the pain is still so deep and no sign of it getting any better 
. How are we going to get used to this painful and lonely life without our beloved? 
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