Hi @Derek364
Unless you have lost someone you dont understand the grief and loneliness we feel.
I celebrated our 36 wedding anniversary last year and our 37th one will be on August this year. Also it is his 64 birthday on Saturday my 1st wirhout him around.
Last year we were in Benidorm this year just me here with my memories.
It really is hard to get through the days and our special days. Not looking forward to June it will be my 1st year since he passed.
Sending strength and support on your special day
Take care
Lynne
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It’s so so hard Pam. The grief is always there but you can try to keep it under control but then it just wins, like tonight and then you are just consumed by it.
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Sorry, of course you all know this, I just had to say it.
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Hi Lynne, funnily enough I am also abroad in Turkey. We spent many wedding anniversaries here. I’m grateful for the support tonight. It helps. Xx
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Hi @Derek364
We all understand and need to support each other. We all have down days and sad days. Learning to live this new life takes time but we will always have memories together.
Lynne
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Iknow just how you feeling its so hard just take one day at a time thats all we can do, i unexpectedly lost my darling husband 16 month ago im still taking one day at a time some days i still have meltdowns other days i get by , dont think anyone realises the true impact of losing a spouse it is lonely im on waiting list for breavment counselling hoping it will help x
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I hear you @Derek364, today I have to return my wife’s wheelchair to the NHS. I could hold on to it longer and await their call but I thought take control and make the conscious decision when to return it. Sitting here now knowing that is happening this morning, I’m not so sure I want to return a piece of metal and rubber. She hadn’t used it for some time but was last in it on New Years Day. The thought of this little piece of her leaving us is bloody hard but I know it’s right. She never liked the chair and it was simply a functional tool, but to me it’s a piece of her and I’m wobbling to return it. Right time to get ready to do this, I’ll no doubt catch up with you all later today. Kevin
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Dear @KMCG
I know how you are feeling. It was horrible when they came to take my husband’s bed away, even though he only had it for 12 days, it was where he died, and I didn’t want it to go.
Equally hard was when they came to collect all the other equipment they had loaned him over the years, some of which he never used! It was all a bit clinical as they had a list that they were ticking off, as I gave them back the equipment.
I hid his walking stick though. It was made of wood, and all though from the hospital/NHS it had been made specifically for him to match his short height. He was given it from ICU after spending a month in a coma when he was trying to gain strength, and walk again. It was such a big part of him for the next 6 years.
I’m sure the bloke collecting everything knew what I had done. Because he was very sensitive, and just said “Don’t worry. I’ll put it down as already returned”.
All these things are hard… The same was true returning unused medications to the pharmacy (my husband was on 25+ meds , so there was a lot) .
And when I had to return his bipap machines to the hospital.
All I can do is send you love, hugs and strength to you to get through another difficult day.
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Morning @Cathphil
I know exactly how you felt.
It was the same returning my husbands equipment machines medicine’s and eventually the car as i do not drive.
It was over 10 months ago for me
HMRC send me a cheque for £0.38p overpaid tax for my husband yesterday
I’m speechless !!
Sending you a virtual hug
Take care
Lynne x
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I woke up feeling loved again whenever I dreamt of him. Sadly haven’t dreamt in the past two/three weeks 
Miss my angel so much 
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Thinking of you. Mine is coming in a couple of months and I am dreading the moment.
Big hugs x
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Dear @Galaxy75
Thank you for your reply Lynne, and the virtual hug. One right back to you
Your message about the 38p actually made me laugh, and I don’t laugh much anymore.
It also reminded me. My husband did the postcode lottery, he didn’t even tell me he had until his first £10 win.
He won £10 a few times, never more.
Anyway about 3 weeks after he’d died he got a message on his phone (I was still keeping it with me then) saying he’d won £10. Problem was his bank account had been closed. The postcode lottery bereavement team were actually really kind and helpful and they paid the £10 into mine for me. 
Love hugs and strength for another weekend to get through.
I don’t know about you but they are still so difficult for me. And it’s 20 months and 3 days now for me. No idea how that has even happened 
Cath x
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@Ilovehorses I also dropped a mug I always used for making the tea first thing in the morning, (I was chief tea maker) so I now have to use my wife’s as she had a similar one.
My daughters suggested using the pieces in the garden as decorations, which is something my mother in law used to do, so I have
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So true i was exactly same when i had to return my husband’s wheelchair and sell his new mobility scooter which was heartbreaking i understand its hard to let go , its been 16 months for me ,ive still got my husband’s name on our bank account i just carnt bring myself to take his name off , ive only just sorted his clothes out ive saved his favourite hoody and aftershave , i kiss and talk to his photo every day one friend referred to me as single …i said ive still got a husband hes my Angel
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That is such a wonderful idea
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Hi sorry for your loss i haven’t bothered with counselling I tried but had no luck and their is a long waiting list I rode the storm with no help I lost my beloved fiancé suddenly last July he was 51 he lived life to the full as he was a DJ loved his music 
no one knew he was dying etc i break down every day so I understand your pain
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The first anniversary of my angel’s passing yesterday I couldn’t bear to be home last night so went to Paris with my girlfriend to stay the night. We spent the day walking the streets in the rain, it helped a little to be away and change of scenery definitely helped release stress although I constantly felt so sad deep inside throughout the day mainly felt sorry that he was missing what I was seeing. I was feeling sad that he was not walking beside me the way it used to be as we always travelled together everywhere throughout our 37 years together - just the two of us! Sadly somehow I ended up spending the night crying in bed missing my angel so much . Today is the beginning of the second year and I hope very much that I will be able to cope a little, just a little better than the first year 
one can only hope that it will get better someday
Best wishes to all x
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Hi @Angel1309
Sending virtual hig and love to you.
My 1st year of his passing is 8th June 2024 cant say im looking forward to that day either not sure what i’ll do but cant bare to be at home where he died.
Take care
Lynne Xx
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Sending hugs to you and I’m sure like me you are glad that day has passed, good you were with a friend on the actual day, I’m not sure there is anything we can do to distract us from the actual day, I hope you are feeling better today xxx
I never slept much Monday & Tuesday nights emotional and crying a lot but come Wednesday I was so calm it was raining here so we waited till later in the day to go visit the grave, myself, my daughter and grandchildren, it felt good to be there as it always does for me and after we went for supper to the same hotel we went to after the funeral last yr and I felt he would have approved x
So the build up and dread of the 1st anniversary were for us far worse than the actual day itself xxx
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Thats how I feel it only seems like yesterday, how can it be a year, its all still so fresh in our minds xx
Having just experienced it 2 days ago I hope on your day you have that same calmness I felt on the actual day tho for 2 days before it I was an emotional wreck with no sleep, its hard but you will get through it with the help of family & friends, one of my friends has been such a great support for me xxx
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