Dear @N8658 and all of you posting
It’s so hard isn’t it.
19 months for me and I don’t feel any different, any more healed, I’m still hurting so much.
TV is a struggle. It’s always on , like you say the noise /sound of conversation is just there to break the silence. Can’t concentrate on the content of the programmes. Often keep rewinding cos I’ve missed what was going on!
I’ve even tried turning the subtitles on , so I can read them, thinking that my help me concentrate more!!
Can’t watch programmes we enjoyed together, can’t watch the programmes I liked but he didn’t. It’s so strange, and impossible to explain to others.
In the recordings on sky TV , I’ve still got all the programmes he had recorded. Some were set on record series. I’ve stopped that, and I did delete some episodes recorded after he died, but all the ones recorded before he died are there in the sky recordings for him to watch when he wants to incase he hadn’t got round to it yet.
Grief makes us into strange beings doesn’t it. If I tried to explain this to others I’m sure they’d think I’d lost the plot!
It is all so true. I do many things since my partner passed away that make me seem quite mad, yet currently those things help me get through every day.
We all understand this ‘madness’ and actually if it works as a coping mechanism (even for a little while) who is it hurting.
Love to all.
Hi everyone. I think I could have written any of these posts tonight. The tv on for noise, the mad things we do, but they’re not mad to me. The sadness, the loneliness, the roller coaster that is grief. The big dark cloud. Then there’s the wanting to dream of him, and when I do, breaking my heart when I realise it was just a dream, especially the not nice ones, how is it the worst dreams stay in your mind longest, the nice ones vanish so quickly?
It really is upsetting especially when inside we falling apart , they havnt got a clue how the pain we feel , ill be 60 next week i was supposed to be going away for couple off days but my cousin she gave backword but that was only when i asked whats is time etc arrangements, she just said or i carnt go now ! Yesterday i cleaned my car inside and out even waxed it ,then this morning a little white fether on my back light i smiled and thought my hubby giving me his approval for a job welldone
@Tinatina
Well done on cleaning your car
Your husband was definitely giving you the thumbs up.
Sod your cousin. I’m so sorry you’ve been let down by her.
Love, hugs and strength to you
Thankyou i believe so too , it really good to talk on ere people understand how i feel because you all feel the same way , i feel as if my friends think i should be trying more to get on with my life but its not that easy as you all know they still got husband’s i feel so alone we used to go places as couples but no more , i live for my kids and grandkids they keep me going but i put a coping face on when they are with me them have meltdowns when im on my own , i dont want to worry them i want them to get on in life x
I’ve been sat in the garden with some off the family today enjoying the sunshine .my Steve used to love sitting in the garden enjoying the sun it’s so hard doing the things we liked to do on my own
It is very hard isn’t it he loved being in the sunshine and he loved having the grandkids round and I had the little great grandson running round the garden today steve never got a chance to see him walking there is so much that they will miss
Hugs back x
My daughter had her first baby yesterday and I did alot of tears this morning knowing he wasn’t here ( well on earth) to celebrate with me .
Miss him so very much .
I’ve taken a few photos but doesnt really look much. Looked better through the camera. Like you I just wish Roger was here. We’d have probably walked to more open ground
