That’s a great idea! I too ought to get to that mindset - be selfish - get out and about enjoy being liberated 
I agree it’s hard to make new friends, we were so inseparable and so much into each other and needed no one else then! Now life is meaningless without him 
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Me too trying to tell myself to be grateful that I am still breathing and that we had 37 most wonderful years doing all things that we both loved, travelling places together - but then this loneliness creeps up on me so heartbreaking
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It is very hard hopefully in time we will get there who knows one day at a time maybe is the way to go
Well I took myself off down my local pub tonight ordered a bag of crisps and a Bailey’s and chatted to the bar staff… it was so nice just to have some adult conversation… I couldn’t bear another night sat at home just me and the dog…
I had my grandson over earlier he used to stay over three days a week but since his grandad has passed he doesn’t want to stay… says he feels odd he is 12 bless him… makes me very sad 
@Ilovehorses well done in going out to the pub on your own. My wife used to send me off to on my own to watch the football and after she died I still used to go but recently I have become more anxious about going (just me and the dog) so just stay in.
I didn’t speak to anyone yesterday, no neighbours passing and not when walking the dogs. Daughters usually call at some point but I know they were both busy yesterday.
Might have to make more of an effort today…
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Hi @PJ64
Yes those days when you see no one nor talk to anyone are really hard. Maybe going back to watch football would help. But I know how you feel. Doing things you used to do seems wrong now, but I’m sure your wife would still want you to live your life and do the things she knew you loved
Big hugs
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Ahh I did wonder what my Chris would have thought me sitting at the bar and the last one to leave… I’m quite lucky that I’m confident talking to anyone and didn’t feel out of place on my own… but I’m not a big drinker just fancied one and some adult company… just me and my doggie most evenings he is a nightmare in the pub he won’t sit still so I left him behind…
My Chris loved football and had a season ticket I’ve been going and sitting in his seat it’s comforting… I’m debating weather to get another ticket as there so hard to come by and my grandson loves footie he used to go with his grandad… hope you find something nice to do today.
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Sat at the crematorium reflection grounds. My wife’s ashes are due for collection tomorrow but I wanted to come up and tell her ‘see you soon’. Just felt right.
Time to get back in the car and get back to the house.
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@KMCG hope you’re ok. Hope you’ve got someone to go with you tomorrow. Its not something you should do alone
My husbands ashes are ready for collection, but because I was coming away my lovely undertaker is looking after him for me. I will have my Grandaughter with me when I go to collect him. Then I’ve got to decide what to do with him, he said he wanted to be scattered, but he didn’t say where
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I’ve still got my husbands ashes at home with me can’t bring myself to scatter them yet so he sits on the side by a photo off both off us with a candle
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Difficult isnt it, I shall be the same. I always was indecisive and Roger would tell me to make a decision. Now I’ve really got to, and I can’t . Maybe something will come to me, I did think of taking him to Looe. He loved it there, but then I’d have to come home and leave him there. That will break my heart
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That’s what I’ve been thinking and if it’s to far away I wouldn’t be able to go back there to visit him it’s very hard
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My husband still at home with me
… And he will be until it’s my turn, then we can be put together, and interned by the tree I’ve had planted in the memorial gardens of the crematorium where his service was (and where mine will be too).
He never spoke about what he wanted, except that he wanted to be cremated .
But home was his favourite place of all. So its a very easy decision for me to keep him here.
And I don’t have to go out in cold and rain or even sunshine to visit him, because he’s right here.
It’s all so personal, and nothing is right or wrong or better. It’s about what feels right.
Love hugs and strength
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Thats exactly the problem, I’d rather have him somewhere I can visit him.
He’s probably watching me and rolling his eyes in desperation, saying just get on with it. I’m so lost without him, i
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That’s what I thought my Chris would be saying put me where I asked but I’m not ready yet … I think we will know when the time is right… in the meantime he is in the bedroom with me… along with his memories and spirit…
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That’s part of the problem, he didn’t say where to scatter him, just that he wanted to be scattered. Oh why didnt I ask him, why didnt I ask him so many things, just telling him I’d be ok, not asking him how I should go on, just trying to help him, to stop him worrying about me. And now I’m not ok and I feel I’m letting him down
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If my husband had chosen cremation I would have kept him at home with me till it was my turn and we could be interred together, thats what my mum did when my dad died, his ashes were buried with her when mum passed x
I just thot it would be nice to keep him with me till it was my turn but he chose burial he didn’t want cremation. I personally had no preference so now I will be buried with him xx
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Yes hopefully we will get there some day 
Have just had a wobbly moment about to fall asleep then suddenly started to miss hugging him so much so terribly
. It’s been over 11 months without those hugs I can recall never walked by my angel without hugging him - sounds crazy - but true that how it was.
There was never a warning sign that you were about to be overcome by this horrible feeling of sadness and loneliness - it hit you just like that
Hope everyone is having a good night you can x
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It helps to get out and about meeting people - glad you did that and felt better.
Ah, bless him, your grandson- it’s understandable at his age.
Best wishes & have a good night as you can x
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