@Ilovehorses
Dreams are all we’ve got now, for a fleeting moment we can feel we’re still together. Although it breaks my heart when I wake I want to do it all the time, it’s all we’ve got now. No one not going through this could ever understand. I’ve been trawling my phone for videos of him, just to hear his voice, I found one, just a few seconds, but its so precious to me. What a horrendous journey this is, when we accept even the smallest crumbs of comfort. But I’ll take what I can get, if it helps with the pain, the heartbreak and total devastation that is grief
Hi @Derek364
Unless you have lost someone you dont understand the grief and loneliness we feel.
I celebrated our 36 wedding anniversary last year and our 37th one will be on August this year. Also it is his 64 birthday on Saturday my 1st wirhout him around.
Last year we were in Benidorm this year just me here with my memories.
It really is hard to get through the days and our special days. Not looking forward to June it will be my 1st year since he passed.
Sending strength and support on your special day
Take care
Lynne
It’s so so hard Pam. The grief is always there but you can try to keep it under control but then it just wins, like tonight and then you are just consumed by it.
Hi @Derek364
We all understand and need to support each other. We all have down days and sad days. Learning to live this new life takes time but we will always have memories together.
Lynne
Iknow just how you feeling its so hard just take one day at a time thats all we can do, i unexpectedly lost my darling husband 16 month ago im still taking one day at a time some days i still have meltdowns other days i get by , dont think anyone realises the true impact of losing a spouse it is lonely im on waiting list for breavment counselling hoping it will help x
We all totally understand as we all feel your pain…I’m so glad I found this group it’s comforting to know if I needed to chat or offload my feelings there will always be support… I’ve been awake since 5am not through thoughts of loneliness for a change my dog wouldn’t stop barking at an hooting owl… god knows what the poor neighbours thought… must try and get some sleep now
I’m thankful I have videos on my phone just to hear his voice again I wonder if we could save them to a memory stick or something as I’m worried I might lose them… my daughter played her old telephone messages with her dad last week but they have become distorted…
I pray for a
Dream of Chris just to be with him again as you say it’s the only thing we have left now… my dads been gone 28 years and I rarely dream of him but I get a few of my mum she’s been gone 15 years…
I hear you @Derek364, today I have to return my wife’s wheelchair to the NHS. I could hold on to it longer and await their call but I thought take control and make the conscious decision when to return it. Sitting here now knowing that is happening this morning, I’m not so sure I want to return a piece of metal and rubber. She hadn’t used it for some time but was last in it on New Years Day. The thought of this little piece of her leaving us is bloody hard but I know it’s right. She never liked the chair and it was simply a functional tool, but to me it’s a piece of her and I’m wobbling to return it. Right time to get ready to do this, I’ll no doubt catch up with you all later today. Kevin
Dear @KMCG
I know how you are feeling. It was horrible when they came to take my husband’s bed away, even though he only had it for 12 days, it was where he died, and I didn’t want it to go.
Equally hard was when they came to collect all the other equipment they had loaned him over the years, some of which he never used! It was all a bit clinical as they had a list that they were ticking off, as I gave them back the equipment.
I hid his walking stick though. It was made of wood, and all though from the hospital/NHS it had been made specifically for him to match his short height. He was given it from ICU after spending a month in a coma when he was trying to gain strength, and walk again. It was such a big part of him for the next 6 years.
I’m sure the bloke collecting everything knew what I had done. Because he was very sensitive, and just said “Don’t worry. I’ll put it down as already returned”.
All these things are hard… The same was true returning unused medications to the pharmacy (my husband was on 25+ meds , so there was a lot) .
And when I had to return his bipap machines to the hospital.
All I can do is send you love, hugs and strength to you to get through another difficult day.
@KMCG
This is tough as you do feel like objects are part of them in a way…
I dropped my partners favourite mug the other day he bought it from the national trust shop after we walked a good few miles of the SW coast path… I remember I just broke down in tears looking at his broken mug shattered into tiny pieces thinking how upset he would be… and how I felt like the broken mug broken and unrepairable
Morning @Cathphil
I know exactly how you felt.
It was the same returning my husbands equipment machines medicine’s and eventually the car as i do not drive.
It was over 10 months ago for me
HMRC send me a cheque for £0.38p overpaid tax for my husband yesterday
I’m speechless !!
Sending you a virtual hug
Take care
Lynne x
Dear @Galaxy75
Thank you for your reply Lynne, and the virtual hug. One right back to you
Your message about the 38p actually made me laugh, and I don’t laugh much anymore.
It also reminded me. My husband did the postcode lottery, he didn’t even tell me he had until his first £10 win.
He won £10 a few times, never more.
Anyway about 3 weeks after he’d died he got a message on his phone (I was still keeping it with me then) saying he’d won £10. Problem was his bank account had been closed. The postcode lottery bereavement team were actually really kind and helpful and they paid the £10 into mine for me.
Love hugs and strength for another weekend to get through.
I don’t know about you but they are still so difficult for me. And it’s 20 months and 3 days now for me. No idea how that has even happened
Cath x
@Ilovehorses I also dropped a mug I always used for making the tea first thing in the morning, (I was chief tea maker) so I now have to use my wife’s as she had a similar one.
My daughters suggested using the pieces in the garden as decorations, which is something my mother in law used to do, so I have
So true i was exactly same when i had to return my husband’s wheelchair and sell his new mobility scooter which was heartbreaking i understand its hard to let go , its been 16 months for me ,ive still got my husband’s name on our bank account i just carnt bring myself to take his name off , ive only just sorted his clothes out ive saved his favourite hoody and aftershave , i kiss and talk to his photo every day one friend referred to me as single …i said ive still got a husband hes my Angel
