Me too, there have been many signs in the past 14 months and my scepticism has gradually disappeared!
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Next Monday 1st July - our 36 Wedding Anniversary - we used to celebrate every year without fail and last year I couldn’t bear to be alone so stayed with my good friend. Another year approaching fast and I feel bad to bother my friend again and will probably fall apart if I stay home alone reminiscing over our wedding day so I have booked myself away to Nice for a couple of days. I hope being away from it all will (most probably) help ease the pain a little, fingers crossed 
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I believe our loved ones are still with us in spirit i get signs , also ive had messages from loved ones at spiritual church something nobody would have known im not saying ill never stop going but for now it helps me some of poems and philosophy they read in church are so nice and meaningful
yes, I think that too and after many signs in the past 14 months I’d like to say I believe that too! To believe that he’s still around and talk to his photo everyday helps ease the pain and sadness and loneliness.
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Air fryers are the best thing you won’t regret buying one xx
Yes I believe that too,its what gets us through this is knowing they are there watching over us and we will be reunited when it is our time to go, I think I would go mad if I did not believe that xxx
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Hi @Ilovehorses
For myself like you 1 year on 8th June and now noving into year 2.
I to have been trying to kerp busy out during the days dont like to stay at home on my own anymore but can’t to that forever.
I to have booked a coach holiday to Ireland by myself in August so hopefully thst goes well. It will be strange going away on your own but if i dont make effort i could be staying at home on my own. My husband would not have wanted me to stay home we both liked to travel so much.
Take care
Enjoy your holidays
Lynne x
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I’ve booked a coach holiday to Scotland, but unlike you I’m not brave enough to do it alone.
My husband wanted me to carry on and he specifically said about going on holiday.
So I’ve booked somewhere we’ve never been too.
I couldn’t go to the West Country yet, that’s where we always went and he loved it. Maybe one day, but not yet.
Like you I try to keep busy, but I do find I’m happy at home now, as long as I’ve got something to do
Take care
Love and hugs
Liz x
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I feel your pain I’m the same thought my relationship with my fiancé was goodbyes we had our differences etc and him passing so suddenly was very traumatic it was suicide I’ve mourned him every single day it’s coming up to a year in 3 weeks time then to find out he loved me but not in the way I wanted him too it was always the ex wife etc and on top of that cheated with the local tart at a pub he was DJ at so a double blow to my grief I feel hurt angry and used I’ve always wanted to see my fiancé after his passing but haven’t my daughter had seen him and had visual dreams how do I ever get over the lord and deceit when my heart t is broken and I’m still loving and missing him so much
Hi Georgi my wife died at 4am (they think) on a Sunday alone in a cold dark impersonal hospital bed,in a cold dark impersonal hospital,sadly I didn’t get to say my goodbyes with a warm final kiss or hug,there are more questions than answers,so I am afraid my what is and why’s will remain for a long time.
Ron11
Bless you its hard i didnt get to say goodbye to my husband i went upstairs to get dressed to find my perfect Husband dead at side of our bed , i still keep asking myself if only id gone up earlier could i have saved him it happened so unexpectedly , the image of that morning will haunt me for rest of my life been 19 months i still see that image everytime i open our bedroom door , one person who lives near me referred to me now being single and i need to move on i dont want to move on he was my life im still married to my Angel
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I understand you perfectly,I am not single or widowed,I am married until I go that’s how it will stay.
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How awful for you @Tinatina
It must be so hard, but you mustn’t blame yourself.
I’m like you, I will never be single. I don’t care what people say I am still married and always will be.
And I will never ‘get over it’ but unfortunately people that haven’t been through it don’t understand. But that’s their problem not mine
So I will let them get on with it and grieve quietly in my own way
Sending love and hugs
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Me too Ron11 no one can come close to taking his place , sending hugs and support to you all
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So sorry to hear that, that must have been awful for you, but let me tell you my about my husband’s final seconds, it was not easy witnessing that either xx
I have always believed people know when its their time and my husband reinforced that belief as he had been semi comatose all that weekend not even opening his eyes but at 06.13 on the Monday morning ( I had been sitting next to the bed all night (and not once did he open his eyes ) his eyes opened wide he turned & looked at me and his face crumpled as you do when your about to cry he then turned away and passed at 06.13, broke my heart to witness that and I will never forget it, Im not sure that was a blessing but what I am sure of the last thought of your wife was about you and Im not sure of what way is the best to be honest because it has played on my mind since and the awful sadness in his eyes is too much to bear some days, I am crying now relaying this story xxx
So dont torture yourself over not being there, because its certainly not easy either way xxxx
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Liro
Thankyou grief is such a painful lonely place , somedays we seem to be ok then comes a wave of grief knocks us right back to the day our loved ones passed away ,
People really dont understand just how we feel unless it happened to them but then again iknow someone who moved on 3 months after her husband died! I suppose we all deal with things in our own way , sending strength to you all
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I feel exactly the same way, 19 months now , miss him so much 
.
I t was my birthday recently, and I put up his last birthday card he sent me along with all the others , it says how much he loved me today, tomorrow and always , he was in the last 6 months of his life then, going through chemotherapy , we were all hoping it was going to save him, it did initially, the tumour shrunk to less than half its size, but once the treatment stopped , it grew back more aggressively and had spread elsewhere in his body, he suffered so much, its all so cruel for him and for me and my children . Xoxo
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I agree wholeheartedly and I dont like the word widow, I am still and always will be his wife xxx
Thanks Georgi I cried reading your post,my beef is with incompetent hospital staff,when taken in she had stage 4 cancer,a raging temperature,an enlarged tummy,and breathing difficulties,she had drips on both arms,and wasn’t deemed ill enough for icu or even to be put on a monitor,I am infuriated.
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The Grief Ninja
Like Cato from the Pink Panther films, takes you by surprise when you least expect it, and you go from being ‘ok’ to shattered for maybe no apparent reason. Then for a while you are ‘ok’ until another surprise attacks takes you unaware.
This is one part of my journey, I hope it resonates with all you lovely people.
Otherwise, the other great feeling is simply ‘stuck’, my mind knows that she has passed and will no come back, however my heart still does not want to accept the painful truth.
I am stuck because I struggle to make decisions and do things, although I know I cannot stay crying and forlorn forever, somehow I have to accept this grief and take it with me, to take her memory and legacy forward, she resides in my heart and no matter where I am she is with me, as she is with her children and grandchildren too.
The universe can take a life, but it cannot take away the love, I will love her and honour her forever, and I now speak to her all day, starting with, morning my beautiful one, now what do I need to do today?
This is a lonely road for us, but there are other drivers on the same road, and I value having you all to share it with, with unconditional regard and respect for one another., I know we truly understand and somehow we will get through this, and take the grief with us, if that makes sense.
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