@Tinatina
I also question if there is a god so
Much pain to bear and for what reason… My Chris mum and dad were the most kindest thoughtful people why them ?
I had a break away with some girlfriends 2 months after my Chris died it was one of the hardest things to do… we played a game in the eve although extremely funny a lot of the questions related to couples I get how hard it is my friends too all have there husbands and even there mum and dads still… it was nice of them to suggest a break and to be with me but they will never understand the loss and pain we feel sending hugs x
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I’m 60 next year and don’t even want to face it without my Chris I really don’t know what to do… I’m not even 59 yet and friends keep asking what am I going to do on my 60th!
Go and hide somewhere 
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Hi @Angel1309
I’ve had absolutely nothing planned this bank holiday just taking a day at a time…
The sun has been a welcome change but also a reminder we can’t share the garden together x
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I was 59 when i lost my husband of 40 years. For my 60th i did nothing. A couple of friends came by but i just treated it as another day. 2 days after my 60th it would have been our wedding anniversary. Had a quite day for that too.
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I was 70 between his death and funeral last year,I didn’t do anything just hid away and the people that recognised it said I can’t wish you a happy birthday it was so hard I don’t remember much about it and don’t want to celebrate my birthday this year either.
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@Hazell
I really wanted to celebrate the big 60 but with Chris not with me I think I’d rather forget about it…it’s just a number after all x
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Hi @Ilovehorses
I dreaded Saturday, Sunday and Monday but tried to stay in - unsuccessfully of course, so ended up roaming the streets of London all three afternoons window shopping for hours.
I’ve made our garden his memorial garden (per my online counsellor’s suggestion) writing his name and love messages around the flower bed walls so that I can sit out there with him by my side. This weekend the weather was beautiful but I couldn’t bear to sit out there as planned, too painful to be alone, so went out instead and feeling a lit better afterwards.
It’s so hard to do all the things that we used to do together - alone, so heartbreaking 
take care x
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Ahh I’m making a memorial patch in my garden I’ve got a weeping crab apple
Tree and lots of wild flowers emerging… it’s nice to have somewhere to enjoy but it’s so hard isn’t it… sorry to hear you were pacing the streets over the bank holiday.
I’ve got my first councilling today 11 months from losing my love I know I’m bottling it up… all I seem to be doing is binge watching trash TV I guess to block out the reality and fill my time.
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It’s such a lovely idea isn’t it to have a memorial garden - it’s a special place to be relaxing and reminiscing about our precious time together.
I hope you had a good first counselling session today - I had my sessions early on and found them to be of enormous help.
best wishes x
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Hi @Angel1309
I think I spent the whole hour non stop talking at counselling… we went over session I let out all the loss I’ve had losing my Chris my step
Dad last year my mum and dad ect…
next sesh in 2 weeks…
thanks for asking hope you are okay today?
Another weekend ahead with zero plans…
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Hi @Ilovehorses
You must be so relieved now that you finally got it off your chest having bottled it all up for so long. I am sorry you have gone through many losses in such a short space of time I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you - losing one is hard enough to bear!
I hope the second season will be even better 
I have no plans for the weekend either, so another sad & lonely weekend, apart from going to the cemetery on Saturday morning for a chat with my angel 
.
Take care xx
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Ahh I appreciate your kindness we are all struggling with loss I really am hoping the councilling will help…
I haven’t placed my Chris ashes anywhere yet there still in the bedroom with me…
Thinking of you this weekend I’m guessing as the weather is nice I will be sat in the garden take care x
We all are going through the same sad and lonely journey - I hate this lonely life without him - everyday is a struggle 
I think as the first counselling session was so good it overrun then, the second one will probably help you even further 
Apparently Saturday is going to be bright and sunny according to the BBC weather report so I am hoping to be sat in the garden as well.
best wishes xx
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Enjoy your garden too that’s all we can do really isn’t it… I try to tell myself I’m lucky to be here still and I’m able to enjoy nature, breath the fresh air with the sunshine warming my bones…
We never prepare ourselves to deal with such grief it truly is so hard… I’m not sure what others think I would give anything to have my Chris back… but I’m also feeling grateful I’m still here and able to breath the fresh air x
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Having such a bad day today feel so emotional and lonely some days i just think whats the point ! Then i look at my adult kids / Grandkids and think ive got to carry on taking one day at a time in hope
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We just have to try to carry on for are family and hope things get better for us .It is hard and very emotional most days I go off for a cry and I’m always talking to my steve and that do help me r I write it down as a message
Sending you a hug x
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Yes we have to carry on for our loved ones still here. Its not easy and sometimes I don’t tell them how bad I feel because they dont understand how hard it is for me. Well I think they do but they don’t know what to say
I’m always talking to Roger and sometimes I even tell him off for leaving me. He’s on my mind constantly. I write to him every day and I know my life is never going to be the same, but I will carry on somehow for them, and for him because I told him I would
Love and hugs
Liz x
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Sadly, it was cold and wet through out the day today - I even had my heating on and stayed in all afternoon!
So true, I often think and even say to his and my best friends that I may have lost him but he lost his own life that’s so much bigger than my loss and I feel so sorry that I couldn’t do anything to save him.
I would do anything to have my Sean back in a heartbeat too, I say good morning and good night to him everyday and tell him I miss him and wish he would be here by my side - I find it comforting to talk to him as if he was still around.
Exactly my sentiments - so grateful that I’m still here 
Take care x
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Sending big hugs x
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