Thanks Georgi I cried reading your post,my beef is with incompetent hospital staff,when taken in she had stage 4 cancer,a raging temperature,an enlarged tummy,and breathing difficulties,she had drips on both arms,and wasn’t deemed ill enough for icu or even to be put on a monitor,I am infuriated.
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Hi Lynne
Your so right out husdbands/ partners would not want us to carry on and have holidays I thought what’s the difference from being alone at home to being alone on holiday… we can’t share those experiences together that’s what I’m going to find hard…
Ireland is lovely we went to cork years ago when our kids were small well done for booking xx
I’m taking my doggie for company to Devon in August can’t say I’m excited at all I’m hoping I will meet some single people along the way…
Take care x
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I’m so sorry 
When my mum passed and I sang to her she cried they know I’m sure they do…
It took along time to forget that image from my mind…but now I see my mum smiling before she had cancer and suffered.
She smiles in my mind and in my dreams I’m at peace with it now… I don’t know if the same image will eventually leave from my partner… even though he looked asleep when I found him…
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@Carly
It certainly is cruel the suffering our loved ones had to endure…I kept thinking how unfair my mum suffered to the end when there’s murders and
Criminals walking on this earth!
I’m now at peace with the loss of my mum she has been gone 15 years now and I often see her smiling in my dreams I can look at photos without getting upset and talk about her with lovely memories… I hope I can be that way at some stage after my partner but it’s early days yet… x
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Totally understand I beat myself up everyday why didn’t I wait for him to answer me at 6am when I went in his room… he looked so peaceful asleep and quiet he was a loud snorer. had no idea he had died… only realised when I took him a tea at 7.30 am and he was in the same position… and when he didn’t answer I just thought he was in a deep sleep! Nothing prepared me for when I approached him and he was blue down one side something I will never forget the helplessness, fear frozen on the spot… shaking him to try and wake him up… mind all over the place… x
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I wish I could help reassure you that in time you would feel less angry. Ect . awful circumstances for you to discover about your partners affair… having unanswered questions must be so hard for you to deal with coupled with loss…
I really hope in time you can be at
Peace with your situation…
just wanted to say I’m sorry your going through this x
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The Grief Ninja
Like Cato from the Pink Panther films, takes you by surprise when you least expect it, and you go from being ‘ok’ to shattered for maybe no apparent reason. Then for a while you are ‘ok’ until another surprise attacks takes you unaware.
This is one part of my journey, I hope it resonates with all you lovely people.
Otherwise, the other great feeling is simply ‘stuck’, my mind knows that she has passed and will no come back, however my heart still does not want to accept the painful truth.
I am stuck because I struggle to make decisions and do things, although I know I cannot stay crying and forlorn forever, somehow I have to accept this grief and take it with me, to take her memory and legacy forward, she resides in my heart and no matter where I am she is with me, as she is with her children and grandchildren too.
The universe can take a life, but it cannot take away the love, I will love her and honour her forever, and I now speak to her all day, starting with, morning my beautiful one, now what do I need to do today?
This is a lonely road for us, but there are other drivers on the same road, and I value having you all to share it with, with unconditional regard and respect for one another., I know we truly understand and somehow we will get through this, and take the grief with us, if that makes sense.
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So very well said
It certainly resonates with me.
Thankyou x x
If your anywhere near Aberdeen on your holiday It would be nice to meet up, I hope the weather is nice for you because it can be a hit or miss in Scotland xxx
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Oh my goodness thats horrendous, sometimes these days hospital staff can be so uncaring I think they need a reminder they are dealing with a much loved person and the stress they can cause is unnecessary and very uncaring. As an ex nurse and laterally a support worker with the elderly for 36 years, compassion & caring for the person and their relatives was top of the list in any part of my job, from when I first started my ethos was always to treat patients/residents in the way I would want my mum or dad to be treated and I stuck by that my whole working life till I retired( earlier than I should have because I couldn’t work with the uncaring people in management & the uncaring staff they were employing, it was making me ill with the stress of it ).
I do hope you can get past the horrible hospital staff and grieve for your beloved wife the way you would want to, because she wouldn’t want you to dwell too much on the hospital but remember all the happy years you had together instead, take care x
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Hi @Georgi
They would have been lovely but I’ve just looked and Aberdeen 150 miles away.
We’re doing a coach tour and its only just in Scotland. Peebles will be our base. Do you know it?
X
Oh my goodness every word you wrote there I’m sure rings true for all of us on this forum , well said and I liked calling it the Grief Ninja, well done !
This is why I so like this forum every day someone says something that is so true and resonates with all of us, thank you for that, don’t know I would have coped without this forum xxx
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Thats a shame, but yes we are up on the north east of scotland but I hope you can unwind and enjoy your time away xxx
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Thankyou.
I am allowing myself to look forward to it
Although I do feel guilty.
Stupid though, Roger would have wanted me to go, he told me to have a holiday
Big hugs
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I certainly hope that is true and I have a feeling it is as in my job with the elderly that I did for 36 yrs on night shift we once had a gentleman who on that night was very unsettled so we were spending time trying to settle him he was looking up at the corner of the ceiling and speaking to someone with his arm out stretched , we couldn’t understand what he was saying but he was smiling the whole time, he eventually settled and we were able to leave his room, when we returned a short time later that man had passed, I have always thought he was speaking to relatives of his that nt who had already passed, I will never forget that nt xxx
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Every single word was/is true,i was a real sceptic on these matters,but my experiences in recent weeks have totally turned that upside down.many hugs for you ps love Scotland.
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Funny same here I have arthritis in various places from working in nursing then with the elderly for 36 yrs when I had to take early retirement a yr before I was due to because my issues were getting worse, have to say they are a bit better being retired till I do too much like weeding !!!
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I was dreading to stay home alone on the first anniversary of his passing on 2nd May so I ran away to Paris to stay the night but found myself crying in the hotel room on the night 
I kept telling myself it would have been worse had I stayed at home, most probably fell apart in the home that was filled with beautiful and loving memories
Hope you have a peaceful day on the day - sending best wishes x
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Totally resonate with that. I am not single or widowed, I am married until I go too - and hope very much he will be there to greet me when the time comes 
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I am sure he would totally agree you deserve a holiday after what you have been through xx