big hugs x
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Me too, I had been and felt comfortable on my own until the moment that I met my husband I instantly sensed I’d had known this man all my life! 37 years of being with him I felt at home throughout and now not only did I lose my soulmate; I lost my whole world 
- I am totally lost without him We used to do everything, go everywhere together just the two of us. Love him and miss him so much 
Big hugs to everyone 
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Yes its hard being on your own after being part of a couple for so long, in my case I married my husband at 18 from my parents and we were married 47 years and I am hating living on my own especially once the nights grow darker its suffocating !
Over the yrs I would say to my husband that I was going first because I knew he would’ve coped with the solitude better than me, but that wasn’t the case and I have to learn to cope without him but its truly the hardest thing I have had to do, grieve for my husband and cope with living alone !
I am 16 months down this road we are all on and it’s just so hard still ! Sorry, I am sure those of you who are new to this forum that is not what you need to hear.
But this forum definitely helps to get it all out to people who understand what it feels like, its not easy speaking to your family as they are also grieving xxx
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Hi Jo @jevncute it is the hardest thing not seeing my baby anymore. I try to think I have been lucky to have such an amazing relationship for 30 years . I muddle on . Outwards people think I am ok after nearly 16 months but I am so destroyed. I’m 57 and it’s not right . I know he will be here with me . I worry about my future on this earth without him , love Julia
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I’m coming up to the first anniversary of my loss. I still feel guilty that I didn’t perhaps do something right, but of course I know I did the best I could. Once he realised his days were numbered he told me he didn’t want to leave me, wanted to have more time with our grown children and to see his grandchildren grow into fine young men. But he also didn’t want to be a burden on me! I told him he’d never be a burden and we’d find a way. His last spoken words were calling my name as he was wheeled to a side room, obviously so scared. I held his hand in the ambulance on transfer to the hospice, but he wasn’t responsive by that time. I stayed by his side but had to go to a GP appointment myself and that was when he chose to leave, with our daughter holding his hand. I should have been with him. That’s my guilt. We were together for 50 years, a long time. I’m 72 now and finding it hard to be single. My children are a great support.
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I liked this:
I took what I liked from it and it gave me comfort. It eased my gulit and pain and anguish in a difficult week.
Grief is Like Carrying a Stone in Your Pocket
“The best way I can describe grief as the years go by is to say it’s similar to carrying a stone in your pocket.
When you walk, the stone brushes against your skin. You feel it. You always feel it. But depending on the way you stand or the way your body moves, the smooth edges might barely graze your body.
Sometimes you lean the wrong way or you turn too quickly and a sharp edge pokes you. Your eyes water and you rub your wound but you have to keep going because not everyone knows about your stone, or if they do, they don’t realize it can still bring this much pain.
There are days you are simply happy now, smiling comes easy and you laugh without thinking. You slap your leg during that laughter and you feel your stone and aren’t sure whether you should be laughing still. The stone still hurts.
Once in a while you can’t take your hand off that stone. You run it over your fingers and roll it in your palm and are so preoccupied by its weight, you forget things like your car keys and home address. You try to leave it alone but you just can’t. You want to take a nap but it’s been so many years since you’ve called in “sad” you’re not sure anyone would understand anymore or if they ever did.
But most days you can take your hand in and out of your pocket, feel your stone and even smile at its unwavering presence. You’ve accepted this stone as your own, crossing your hands over it, saying “mine” as children do.
You rest more peacefully than you once did, you’ve learned to move forward the best you can. Some days you want to show the world what a beautiful memory you’re holding. But most days you twirl it through your fingers, smile and look to the sky. You squeeze your hands together and hope you are living in a way that honors the missing piece you carry, until your arms are full again.”
Written by
Jessica Watson ~ Four Plus An Angel
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I can resonate with what you said, totally! We too used to be so close, inseparable, together 37 and married 35 years!
16 months in and it’s still so hard trying to grieve as well as to cope with living alone - live is so cruel
sending hugs to everyone xxx
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Beautiful words KtG xx
Your not being silly at all take time your mind needs to process what’s happened I’ve suffered ptsd and trauma as my fiancé passed so suddenly last July yes it’s been a year but sometimes it doesn’t seem real I cry every night knowing I’ll never see him again talk to him go places with him as he was a DJ because his daughter is only 16 his ex wife and his parents who he never saw in 10 years sorted his funeral I wasn’t allowed to do anything or pay my respects or visit him in chapel of rest but I have things in my garden give yourself time with plenty of healing 
as grief is love with no place to go xx
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That’s absolutely terrible. I am so sorry that you were treated that way. How could they morally do that to you?
It’s been quite tricky for me because we were only together for seven years and I know I knew him much better than his family who didn’t see him very much And his especially and his daughters for the past 10 years have been out of touch.
This evening for the first time in a while I looked up in the kitchen and actually for a moment thought he was going to walk through the door. I thought I’d gone past that phase but it seems I haven’t. I feel so lonely. 23 weeks and counting. I Have also gone back to not being able to sleep properly.
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I get what you mean totally fine Ben though xxx news with Steve 3 years and a few months i was their for him come the end when no one else was I knew he still had feelings for his ex wife god knows why as she’s married again but I loved him I feel so hurt and lost so I can understand you x
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I have not been able to stay home alone on any anniversaries since my angel passed away in May 2023 - it’s just too painful to be alone in the house reminiscing about us and our precious memories!
So, I am taking a week off work from tomorrow escaping to France for a few days just to be away from home on his would have been 63rd birthday The last time I went away on our wedding anniversary I spent the whole time talking to him while there and it seemed to work wonders; I felt as if he was there with me through out and that was so beautiful, comforting and uplifting for me so I am hoping so much this trip will be the same… 
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Really hope you have a quiet and peaceful time with your thoughts. Anniversaries can be very difficult days full of happy memories. Just wish I could push myself enough to get away for a day or two, not been away anywhere since losing the love of my life almost 4 years ago. We were always away somewhere and just loved each others company, but now things seem to have no meaning at all. Enjoy your time away, hope it gives you some comfort.
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I do hope you have an uplifting time again, you certainly enjoyed the holiday the last time with him by your side all the way, it was lovely to hear you describe how you felt then , so I wish the same for you this time xxx
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It’s my first birthday without Steve tomorrow I can’t stop crying
I really miss him it’s so unfair I just want him back by my side 
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Hugs Pam, i hope your day is as good as it can be have you anything panned?
Hugs Jo xxx
Thank you Jo
I’m going out for a couple hours for lunch x
Hiya Pam,
Although its hard the anticipation is worst than the event, I lost Gra on the 17th june it was our 16th wedding anniversary on the 2nd of August. I deeaded it it was hard but not as hard my mind had lead me to believe . I hope you have a good day. And may I wish you a happy birthday for tomorrow. Hugs Jo xxx
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Thank you for my birthday wishes I lost my husband October 2023 it’s so hard being without are partners
Sending a hug back to you x
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My nephew said that today. “It’s not the same here anymore “. He’s completely right!!!
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