Pam, I can fully understand how you feel ,I do the same thing. Some nights when I get into bed I hold out my hand and ask her to hold it, I’ve got pictures of her all over the house but theres one really special one just of our hands clasped together. This was taken on a visit to the hospice just a couple of days before she passed and I’ve touched it and kissed it so many times that the colour is wearing off. Miss her and love her so much
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That sounds really special
Thinking off you take care x
I know how you feel its the hardest thing to go through, I lost my dad in 2014 and mum in 2016, that was so hard but losing your life partner is on another level, you can’t get over it , in my case, 47 yrs married 48 together in total, I know as you probably do too, that we will never get over it, we will have to function and put on a face for others but we will never stop loving & thinking about them day & night ( I haven’t slept good since the day he died, May 1st 2023 it is etched on my brain forever as the worst day of my life ! And I knew it was coming, it was cancer and chemo didn’t work and he was given a death sentence, diagnosis till his passing was 5 mths way too quick for him, me and our kids & grandkids, I now have an 8mth old youngest grandson he never met tho he knew they were trying without success for over a year but found out they were pregnant the week of the funeral!
Look after yourself, I’m sorry you weren’t able to reduce your hours, I became a pensioner on 23/4/ 23 so not long to share our retirement, life is so cruel xx
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That could be our story too, both leaving our parents house to get married and length of time married too, and yes I never wanted to live alone always told him I’m going first cause he would’ve coped far better on his for sure ! I just hate living alone and it’s even worse now the nights are dark early it’s definitely a little easier in the summer months !
I feel your pain xx
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I’ve woke up again this morning really missing him
I find it very hard to motivate myself
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Pam14. I sympathise with you. I can’t get over the fact that my husband isn’t here anymore. I know he’s gone but I miss him so much. Floods of tears every morning 
It’s soul destroying.
Love and hugs to you 
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Don’t worry, I’m still in bed wondering what’s the point. I know I need to get up but there’s no shape to the day that gives it purpose.
No one to say” what’d you fancy doing today” and then off we’d go for a drive or walk or shop or nothing much.
Dementia. Bridget started to disappear years ago. It started with a hard punch on my arm because the shed was untidy. So out of character. I told her “ never hit me again “. Then little things. Over time she forgot things and then forgot me.
I glad she’s free of double incontinence, anxiety, sat in a chair all day. I just wanted to care for her and love her even though she didn’t love me.
Peter
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Hi
Dementia is such a terrible thing I’m sure she did love you
It is awful trying to fill your day I just sit with the tv or the radio on
My husband Was told he had cancer in 2020 and passed away in 2023 after going through all the different treatments and I miss him terribly
Sue
Of course its not weird we all feel the same, thats what I love most about this forum you learn that all the feelings you have in all the different stages of grief is perfectly normal and you are not the only one feeling those things, I am 17mths into this journey and though I may not be on here as much as was at the beginning it still feels better when I do and after all its kind of only fair that we still come on to help & encourage others who may be at the start of the journey. I know for me as long as I have all my faculties I will always use this forum xxx
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Hello @Pam14 . Thank you for the reply. I have to believe there was something left in her that had affection for me. At least we had a reasonable relationship in the care home.
I’m so very sorry that your dear husband suffered for long 3 years. It all leaves such a hole in our lives. Obviously Bridget wasn’t expected to live very long after the diagnosis in
2017 ( average 5 years apparently) but she lasted till 2023, and during the Covid years. She was loved in the care home and loved by me.
I don’t miss the random bizarre behaviour of dementia, I miss my articulate, funny, capable and caring Bridget.
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Losing your parents within two years and then your life partner - I am so sorry for your losses.
I agree, you can never get over it! The best I can do is try to take one day at a time and hope to balance the beautiful memories and the pain in the long run so that life will be more bearable. My angel passed away just a day after yours, 2nd May 2023 he went to work and had a heart attack and never came home. What happened on that day keeps playing on my mind over and over again it’s so painful to think that he was all alone suffering in his last moments without me there by his side. I talk to him every morning, afternoon and night feeling he is beside me 24/7 and the thought helps me to get through each day.
I will carry on working as long as I am able to…I am just sorry that my angel’s life was cut short before he had a chance to put his feet up after years and years of hard work.
Please take care xx 
I am sorry to say that it’s been rumoured that the pensionable age may increase from 66. However, unconfirmed so finger-crossed it’s just a horrible rumour!
Missing him seems to be the first thing that hits me every morning around 5-6 a.m.
big hugs
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I’m not getting mine till I’m 67 which is bad enough .
Nearly 10 years away
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My husband died may 2023. He was 67 and went to work one day and had a massive heart attack and died instantly. A nurse tried to resuscitate him but he was gone. We were married 40 years. I remember the police coming round to tell me every single day. I lost my soul mate, my best friend.
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So sorry for your loss x
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That must have been so hard out of the blue like that, I can’t imagine being told that news, what a shock it must have been ! We were prepared for it, wouldn’t say it was easier but at least my husband could plan what he wanted for his funeral and who was getting what of his rings etc, divided amongst the grandchildren, which he gave them while he was still able, later he was bedridden !
It was such a short time from diagnosis to him passing, 5 months xx
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My partner died 13 weeks ago. He went to our holiday home for a little break. I tried to phone him and had no reply. My son went there and found him, he had already gone. He was 61!! This sad emptiness is beyond anything I thought possible.
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Hi everyone.
It’s 8am and I’m sat here in floods of tears - again. Why does this happen every morning. I love and miss my Bill so much I just feeI I can’t go on like this.
I don’t want a “new life”. I want my old life back and I know I can’t have it 
I know we’re all in the same boat and I hate going on about how I feel. I just don’t know what to do any more.
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