I hate being like this. As there’s no structure to my day I’ve gotten into the habit of staying in bed far too long.
I know I’ll feel better once up but the pull of comfort and the security of bed is strong. I tell myself that it’s ok as I’m getting over chemotherapy effects and losing Bridget and the whole of my life turned upside down but I think they’re just excuses really.
Its so easy when there’s two of you to motivate and nudge into action. No one’s going to come knocking to get me up. Feeling sorry for myself.
Often I turn to buying something for the therapy. I have a list of things I should be doing but can’t be bothered. Then I think im unnecessarily giving myself a hard time, be kinder I’m advised.
Just feels my life is slipping away.
Well! You could easily be describing me here. I too find comfort in staying in a nice warm bed rather than getting up to face another long day. I’ve got jobs here and there that need doing but like you I seem to talk myself out of it all the time. When I do actually commit and get something done I do feel pleased with myself but then slip back into my old cant be bothered ways. When Val was here we were always on the go and seemed to bounce off each other laughing and joking but now its so different. I just want the old times back again
Well I’m up. Result! I know I’ll go through the day mainly on auto pilot. I really can’t remember what it was like to live life “normally “, before Bridget had dementia and we just did stuff together.
It’s really knocked me sideways and everything is an effort. But ( and it’s an important but) we need to realise and accept that it’s a trauma that we’ve been through ( like a disease or injury) that only gets a little better over time. It’ll never fully heal ( that’s the difference), but i have to remain confident that by this time next year I’ll feel better.
@Hazell I lost mine in may 23 too . I was on holiday so it was my son that got the call to come home after he had arrested . He was 58 . We were soulmates so I am lost without him
This is a group i never wanted to belong to and i am so so sorry for everyone on here.
Everyone is so kind and understanding and I for one find solace here knowing im not alone.
Its a hard hard journey but had we never known love and joy we wouldnt feel like this.
Ive had to come home today. I was doing a park walk as weather was nice but everyone seemed to be in a couple about the same age as me and my husband and i couldnt bear to see what I had lost.
Does anyone else feel this. Heartsand
@Georgi thank you . He didn’t come home to find him but he did get a call to come home . Andrew’s friend was with him . I am so glad he didn’t just come and find him . He didn’t go in the house he sat in an ambulance. There were 2 and the air ambulance but they couldn’t save him as he had cardiac tamponade . Which is Fluid in the heart as well as myocardial infarction . I got home 12 hours later
I am sure we have all felt that when looking at other couples, it doesn’t seem fair they are still together and our partners have gone, I still feel that and I lost my husband in May 2023. Its a normal reaction, thats what I like about this forum you will realise that those things you feel we have all had them and it is the normal and thats human nature.
Sending a virtual hug xxx
@Georgi it’s not fair at all . I never expected to be in this club but it has helped me to talk to people in the same situation and have such support. 17 months and the pain is still so difficult
I’m quite surprised when someone say “ that could be me”. I think because our losses are so intimate and special, and we go through all this mainly on our own, then we feel alone with it. When really grief is so very ordinary In many ways.
I never thought it would happen to us. Seems so unreal at times. Always thought it was others who went through this. Why us?
OMG - exactly like mine! 2nd May 23 he went to work and had a heart attack while out walking at lunch time. He fell on the pavement and a passer by called an ambulance and they tried for 45 mins to resuscitate him but he couldn’t be saved. I too will never forget what happened that day - the sound of the police woman who rang and told me will stay with me forever. We were married for 35 years - together for 37 years, we were so happy just the two of us and never needed anyone else so now I am completely lost without him Life will never be the same again and what has kept me going these days is the thought that he is always by my side but I just can’t see him!
Yes it was a total shock! I still remember the phone kept ringing and I wouldn’t answer at first as I didn’t recognise the number but it kept ringing and ringing so I answered - that was it, my world fell apart at that moment He had dropped me off at the tube station on our way to work and asked me what I would like for dinner, chicken or salmon - I said let’s have chicken and that was our last conversation before I lost him forever What happened on that day will stay with me as long as I live. We both loved travelling so much and used to talk about travelling to more places after we semi-retired, joking that we would even travel with our walking sticks as the two oldies! That will never happen now
I am sorry it must have been so traumatic for you during the 5 months, whether we know it before hand or not it’s still a massive loss for us all.
big hugs xx
5-6 a.m every morning I wake up missing him so terribly it’s become my routine! I can totally resonate with how you feel life is now so empty we just exist each day with no purpose whatsoever
I talk to him everyday feeling that he is always with me just like the way it used to be - the thought does help me carry on!
Take care
When I see a couple my age the feeling of loss and sadness creeps in every time and I think to myself they are so lucky and I hope they take care and make the most of it while they can.
I agree it never seems to get easier, they are always there in your thoughts no matter where you are or what you are doing. I always hope it will get easier but I don’t think I’m being realistic because you can’t love someone for 48 yrs and expect that love to just go away, grief is really love that you can no longer give to them in person xxx
I don’t think it gets easier I think it gets harder the more time goes on the more I miss him
I for one don’t want my new life and I don’t think I ever will
Some relatives want me to go for counselling
as they think i need tactics to contain my grief and crying.
Im trying to function but its hard and one of the things about this forum is convincing me sadly we are all going through this and talkingto someone is not really going to help.
Am I right,
I so agree with you, I won’t ever get over this either, we were a couple who spent most of our time together and were happy doing that. It feels so lonely now being on my own. I was married young, never have lived on my own till now and it is just awful. Been a long 17 months and the dark winter nights are even worse.
Sending hugs xx
Life will never be the same again and what has kept me going these days is the thought that he is always by my side but I just can’t see him!