@Harriet4Bill just do one thing at a time.
Don’t think about this afternoon or tomorrow or next week.
Just focus on doing what needs done, eating and getting moving a bit, and then trying to focus on doing something positive for even 5 minutes.
Let the tears come and then let them pass.
It will get easier and you will start to accept and adapt to this new life that none of us want. Just trying to accept that times are tough at the moment and this is how things are might help ease the pressure you are putting on yourself. Be kind and look after yourself xx
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That is good advice. After all we here are going through stuff that others can only imagine. We need to do anything that keeps us going, makes us feel we can get to this afternoon, the next morning.
If you feel like doing ( or not doing stuff) who cares! It’s your journey not theirs.
It does get easier or maybe less hard. But only over minute bits of time.
Peter
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So sorry for your loss that must have been a shock for your son to find him, and very hard for you.I hope you find comfort on this forum, I know I did, it helped me a great deal and still does.
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I feel exactly the same.
My darling husband died 7 weeks ago after 49 years of marriage.
I found him collapsed no warning , no preexisting heart condition.
No chance to say goodbye nothing
I have amazing children and grandchildren. We are all griefstricken. The children have gone back to work.
I want them to be happy again. Im trying so hard but am so lonely in spite of people being around . I hate this new life . I feel adrift and the tears are getting worse.
I dont want tablets , Im just so so sad . My heart goes out to all the people on th8s thread. I wish you well
Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated. Heartsand
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I’m sorry for your loss
All you can do is take each day as it comes
I’m nearly at my first year without my husband and I miss him terribly and I’m very lonely
But I do have moments where I can laugh now
It’s good that you have a good family
Take care x
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I’m
So sorry for your loss I lost my beloved last year he was only 51 the grief was so raw and some days still is but doctor gave me tablets to calm me down I was angry that he was taken so soon leaving us all behind but I have memories his music as he was a DJ and a tattoo in his memory my friend also made a ring with a piece of his hair in which I wear all the time they say grief is love with no place to go so you bring it along with you all the time just take each day slowly cry as much as the tears flow etc but reason I have tablets os to calm me down my heart was hurting and my head as constantly crying 
which can’t be helped this group is amazing everyone looking out for each other and no judgement take care of yourself x
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I hate being like this. As there’s no structure to my day I’ve gotten into the habit of staying in bed far too long.
I know I’ll feel better once up but the pull of comfort and the security of bed is strong. I tell myself that it’s ok as I’m getting over chemotherapy effects and losing Bridget and the whole of my life turned upside down but I think they’re just excuses really.
Its so easy when there’s two of you to motivate and nudge into action. No one’s going to come knocking to get me up. Feeling sorry for myself.
Often I turn to buying something for the therapy. I have a list of things I should be doing but can’t be bothered. Then I think im unnecessarily giving myself a hard time, be kinder I’m advised.
Just feels my life is slipping away.
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Well! You could easily be describing me here. I too find comfort in staying in a nice warm bed rather than getting up to face another long day. I’ve got jobs here and there that need doing but like you I seem to talk myself out of it all the time. When I do actually commit and get something done I do feel pleased with myself but then slip back into my old cant be bothered ways. When Val was here we were always on the go and seemed to bounce off each other laughing and joking but now its so different. I just want the old times back again
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Hi @george73
Well I’m up. Result! I know I’ll go through the day mainly on auto pilot. I really can’t remember what it was like to live life “normally “, before Bridget had dementia and we just did stuff together.
It’s really knocked me sideways and everything is an effort. But ( and it’s an important but) we need to realise and accept that it’s a trauma that we’ve been through ( like a disease or injury) that only gets a little better over time. It’ll never fully heal ( that’s the difference), but i have to remain confident that by this time next year I’ll feel better.
Peter
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@Hazell I lost mine in may 23 too . I was on holiday so it was my son that got the call to come home after he had arrested . He was 58 . We were soulmates so I am lost without him
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This is a group i never wanted to belong to and i am so so sorry for everyone on here.
Everyone is so kind and understanding and I for one find solace here knowing im not alone.
Its a hard hard journey but had we never known love and joy we wouldnt feel like this.
Ive had to come home today. I was doing a park walk as weather was nice but everyone seemed to be in a couple about the same age as me and my husband and i couldnt bear to see what I had lost.
Does anyone else feel this. Heartsand
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@Georgi thank you . He didn’t come home to find him but he did get a call to come home . Andrew’s friend was with him . I am so glad he didn’t just come and find him . He didn’t go in the house he sat in an ambulance. There were 2 and the air ambulance but they couldn’t save him as he had cardiac tamponade . Which is Fluid in the heart as well as myocardial infarction . I got home 12 hours later
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I am sure we have all felt that when looking at other couples, it doesn’t seem fair they are still together and our partners have gone, I still feel that and I lost my husband in May 2023. Its a normal reaction, thats what I like about this forum you will realise that those things you feel we have all had them and it is the normal and thats human nature.
Sending a virtual hug xxx
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Yes.
I still think why are they still a couple and not us.
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@Georgi it’s not fair at all . I never expected to be in this club but it has helped me to talk to people in the same situation and have such support. 17 months and the pain is still so difficult
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I’m quite surprised when someone say “ that could be me”. I think because our losses are so intimate and special, and we go through all this mainly on our own, then we feel alone with it. When really grief is so very ordinary In many ways.
I never thought it would happen to us. Seems so unreal at times. Always thought it was others who went through this. Why us?
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Let’s hope we have a new government by then and hopefully they are kind to the oldies like us 
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OMG - exactly like mine! 2nd May 23 he went to work and had a heart attack while out walking at lunch time. He fell on the pavement and a passer by called an ambulance and they tried for 45 mins to resuscitate him but he couldn’t be saved. I too will never forget what happened that day - the sound of the police woman who rang and told me will stay with me forever. We were married for 35 years - together for 37 years, we were so happy just the two of us and never needed anyone else so now I am completely lost without him 
Life will never be the same again and what has kept me going these days is the thought that he is always by my side but I just can’t see him!
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Yes it was a total shock! I still remember the phone kept ringing and I wouldn’t answer at first as I didn’t recognise the number but it kept ringing and ringing so I answered - that was it, my world fell apart at that moment He had dropped me off at the tube station on our way to work and asked me what I would like for dinner, chicken or salmon - I said let’s have chicken and that was our last conversation before I lost him forever What happened on that day will stay with me as long as I live. We both loved travelling so much and used to talk about travelling to more places after we semi-retired, joking that we would even travel with our walking sticks as the two oldies! That will never happen now
I am sorry it must have been so traumatic for you during the 5 months, whether we know it before hand or not it’s still a massive loss for us all.
big hugs 
xx
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So sorry for your loss.
Hugs