Personally I do not think containing your grief & tears is the answer, doing that may make matters worse in the long run. Grief is a personal thing and if you want to cry I feel you should, for myself I usually cry most days and I know I will continue to do that it’s a release. You get it all out at that moment in time, then wash your face and get on with your chores or whatever until the next time. I don’t sleep well (hazard of 36 years on Nt duty) but since my husband passed its been even worse and thats when I cry the most xxx
Sending a virtual hug x.
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I felt a bit embarrassed when I said to people that we didn’t need others so much as we always had each other. Felt a bit, I don’t know, dull and cozy. Bit more and more I’m reading that for the majority of us it was like that. And we had our best friend, company in good and bad times, a soul mate. Someone to share everything with.
With Bridget I always felt comfortable. Was that so bad? Obviously the dementia ruined everything but before that we knew each other so well. We too spent all our time together.
And then wham, it all changes, and we’re left with a world we don’t understand. How can life go on regardless when we’re heartbroken?
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It doesn’t help talking because its still there and it don’t go away .
I go to different groups because I thought it might help but you still come home and you are on your own.
I do want to feel better but I just find it’s getting harder x
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Its really hard going from we to me isn’t it x
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I know what you mean because I felt the same, friends & colleagues at work were always out socialising and going places but we always preferred being at home together, to others I think we were boring , we did not see it like that !
But now I find it so lonely, only our elderly cat for company, the dark nights are suffocating! The house is just that a house it no longer feels like a home.
I had 48 years with my husband thats a lot longer than most and I do feel grateful for that, just wish he was still here xx
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Oh yes it’s horrendous going from us to me . I don’t know how we all cope
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It sure is hard, the loneliest feeling is going from being a couple for 48 yrs to being without the other part of the couple, just soul destroying but we have no choice but to keep going for our kids & grandkids xxx
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You are saying exactly what im feeling.
Its hard to go from we to I and from our to my.
My children are so good. I also feel reading on here that the trauma and loss is perhaps worse when it happened suddenly with no chance to say goodbye after so many years together.
This is not to take away any grief sufferings for those on here who had a little time to prepare. Its just an extra trauma to bear if you didnt
We also preferred each others company to going out. We just had fun together . I wouldnt change anything except to have the few extra years we thought we would have. Now my husband will never see me grow really old and frail and vice versa. 50 good years together . But i so wish it could have been 60
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Hi everyone.
Like most of you, my Bill and I did everything together. We had only been married for 10 years (Bill lost his first wife). I know he’s gone. I know he’s not coming back but just over the last week or so, if I’m doing something, I keep thinking “he’ll be back in a minute”. Am I going mad 
Like you all say, there’s no purpose to anything any more. I’ve got loads of things I should be doing but all I want to do is sit in front of the tv all day.
Bill left me on June 26th this year and I’m crying now more than ever. 
I love and miss him so much.
I know I shouldn’t wish my life away, but I just want to be with him. I wouldn’t ever do anything silly, but this life I’ve been given isn’t a life any more, it’s just an existance. We had a home filled with so much love - now it’s just a house. Yes he’s left me with a lovely house and all the things we bought together but with without him to share them they’ve lost all meaning.
I was on my own for over 20 years before marrying Bill. To be with him I had the happiest 10 years of my life. He was everything to me. Now I’m back totally on my own and I hate it.
I know we’re all going through this and I’m sending all my love 
and hugs to all of you 
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Oh harriet,
Im awake and i feel for you and send you a hug.
You express what im feeling in terms of existing rather than living and enjoying.
Our lives together were over 50 years and our home together is my safe space even though its the place where i have most of my tears . Its a strange feeling I wantto be here to see and be surrounded by all our things and yet its these things that can upset me.
Im finding it so hard to come to terms with suddenly being a one and not a couple. Like you Im not going to do anything silly. Im just sad and apprehensive about what lies ahead.
My children and grandchildren are amazing and supportive and im trying for them rather than me at the moment if im honest.
Stay as strong as you can and look after yourself . Heartsand
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I totally understand.
I went through a period of time where I could almost see him in front of me.
I have also tried to convince myself he is just out in the kitchen or the garden.
I suppose our hearts have not accepted they are gone.
It is such a devastating and devastating thing. One we never wanted.
I wish I had the answer for all of us.
Big hug,
Rose xx
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I often imagine her walking up the path, putting the key in the door, saying hi there
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I dont think its any easier when you know your partner hasn’t got much time left. My dearest Val was finally diagnosed with throat cancer in Feb 2020 after months of treatment from GP for acid reflux ! The consultant told us that she had 5 months at best and gave us a couple of treatment options. After some thought we opted for full laryngectomy which involved taking away her voice box and having a hole in her windpipe. IThis was right at the start of covid and it was touch and go whether or not she would get her op, which finally happened on 2nd April. They said she would be hospitalised for about 10 days which turned into 6 weeks. Six weeks by herself without visitors due to covid rules and being unable to speak anymore…what an absolute nightmare. Eventually she was home but still isolated from friends and family because of covid and she then had 31 sessions of radio therapy which really took its toll. Many hospital appointments followed and for a time I was thinking we can get through this and swallowed everything we were told ,hook,line and sinker but she was deteriorating and I feel so guilty that I took the “side” of the doctors and kept assuring her that things were going OK. Then in late November she had another scan which revealed that the cancer had spread and there was nothing more they could do. We knew the game was up but still couldn’t come to terms with what was happening.She went into a hospice in early December and we lost her the day before Christmas. We were just like you, always together, always on fabulous holidays loved travelling. We’d done exactly 50 cruises and loved every minute of them but had decided that we’d had enough for a while, we were spending more time in the air than on dry land and planned to buy a nice motor home and just take off whenever to wherever, but that sadly never materialised and now I just cant face going away, I think it would just be so traumatic without her by my side. Apologies if I’ve rambled on a bit but just need to get my thoughts and memories out . Take care
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Oh george you havent gone on. You and your wife obviously had a lovely life together like me and my mart.
Its not just losing them its losing our lives too. Everything we did together all our trips all our lives.
We had a cruise booked 3 days after he suddenly died and the brochures keep arriving addressed to him. Cant get off the mailing list for the time being. My grandchildren who are round now the youngest aged 4 is asking for his grandpa. When can he see him again. Only grandpa knows how to do this grandma.
Its hard but i have to remain sane for all my lovely family. Im sure in the midst of heartbreak we know our soulmates would want us to carry on.
Love to all on here Heartsand
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I just want to scream I just miss everything about my life and my family are only interested in what they can get out of me
I’m feeling very sad and don’t know what to do
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You told your story that was not going on. You and your wife went through a traumatic time it must have been so hard for you both we can only imagine, made worse by covid rules, that alone would have been horrendous ! Thank you for sharing your story with us sending a virtual hug xxx
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Pam none of us like our new lives im sure.
Be strong.
Im not trying to defend your family I dont know them but i just know im really sad and superagitated at the moment.
Maybe they dont realise.
I find anyone outside of my children in the family just upset me with it will get easier mantra
Sending a big hug.
Heartsand
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So very sorry Pam.
It is so difficult when you don’t receive the support from those you thought would be there.
Sending a big hug xx
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I totally agree - I love and miss him even more now…
sending hugs and strength 
X