So sad but All Souls’ Day is sad . You need to do these things though as ritual is so important . I went to All Souls service mainly for all the ones who died during the last year . All the families are invited one by one to go to front of church and light a candle for their loved one . Then the rest of the congregation can do the same . It’s a lovely comforting service with beautiful music . Not for everyone I know but helps me . We all cope in different ways but whatever gives you a little strength is so important . God bless 
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Nearly finished the ceiling 
I spoke with my counsellor yesterday and much of the stuff I agonise over I saw with a little more distance. But at the end we were both in
tears ( she’s known me since the beginning of all this almost 5 years now) and recognised that whatever clarity we get, all the heartbreaking emotions get in the way.
I regret not going to the home enough, but understand that I could’ve lived there and it would not have made any difference. She encouraged me to think what would Bridget have wanted for me if she was “normal” and would say “ Peter, I loved you, please try to make the most of what life you have left, we had a good life, dementia ruined a lot but, all in all, we loved each other, and any hurtful thing I said it was dementia, not me”
Please try to remain positive everyone. Baby steps away from grief and sadness. Just get through the day - it’s an achievement
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I’d like just to talk about stages to our lives.
First it was normal, taken for granted, life together, endless, death never thought about, only as an abstract idea. Then, for me, Bridget developed dementia ( it’s not a disease, it can’t be caught) and she stayed at home until she was trying to escape. Then she went into a home as I couldn’t care for her on my own.
Five years later she dies from a massive stroke and now I’m on my own picking up the pieces sharing memories with no one.
I say all this because it’s all such a mess of emotions that I’m trying to see the bigger picture. I ask all the time, “ why us”, “ doesn’t this just happen to others”. It’s all so unfair of course that all the happiness we expected is torn away from us.
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Peter11 dementia is awful disease my mum has dementia not too bad just now she had 3 sisters 1 brother die from dementia i asked consultant if its heredity he said not usually but in this case its got to be genetic , i asked whats chance i will get dementia he just said each generation it will dilute , but ive got a friend whos mum and dad in care home with dementia her mum is more advanced than her dad they no longer sit together or talk to each other it breaks my friends heart , but dementia is a cruel disease sending strength
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What makes me cry and awfully sad is that I have photos of my Bridget when she was in the care home, and even in the hospital after she was recovering from her broken hip, and she’s smiling at me.
You could say I should be pleased that she’s happy enough to smile but I never received love, happiness and care while she was here at home treating me like a stranger. Only after being in the care home and becoming content, looked after by a team who loved her, did she respond to me as someone who came, cared, helped her feed, told her I loved her, but nevertheless still not her husband. There aren’t the words to describe the cruelty of it all.
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Peter11
It must have been so hard for you i feel for you im sure your wife loved you try to remember your happy memories of you and your wife dont allow dementia rob you of happy loving memories ,
First of all sorry for your loss secondly people do expect you to move on etc but grief is love with no place to go i sadly lost my fiancé last July he was only 51 and was only with him for 3 years just getting to know each other really I’ll never forget him and will never want anyone else I have grown children and some friends but most don’t bother probably cause my grieving is too much for them also I talk to his daughter who is only 16 it’s hit her really hard poor girl this sight is good because we have all lost our loved ones some people grieve different to others it is a long process and their is no time limit on grieving xx
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Hi everyone
I seem to be in a worse place now than when my lovely Bill passed away.
I’m in floods of tears every morning and they won’t stop.
Bill and I were married for 10 years and did everything together and I love and miss him soooooh much.
I bought him some new shirts and shorts in April ready for the summer. He died 26th June and never got to wear any of them. He was so looking forward to wearing them and I cry my eyes out every time I see them. I can’t get rid of his clothes yet, it’s too soon and dread the time when it has to be done - I’ll be in bits.
Guess I’ll have to accept being a big, soggy mess. I don’t think it’s what Bill would have wanted but he’s not here to tell me and therein lies the problem - HE’S NOT HERE 
Sending my love 
and hugs to you all 
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Angel1309, is your post nov23, I’m sorry my first time on here. I feel just the same, lost my husband 8 weeks ago. I’m so very empty, I don’t know what to do each day. I looked after him, we absolutely loved just being together. We have no family so I am totally alone. I really don’t know how we go on.
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Hello @Harriet4Bill
I’m so sorry you’ve had to become part of this awful way of life that most of us have and are still experiencing one way or another.
I wish there was a quicker way of feeling less grief and heartbreak. I’ve looked and looked, spoken to all sorts of people - counselling, Samaritans, doctors, good friends, this and other Forums- and it all boils down to time. Bit by bit, tiny degrees away from that horrible and awful day of losing them, we gradually get used to what happened.
The heartbreak never goes away. I have days when I think “ yes I’m doing okay today” and then “wham” the loss hits me out of nowhere. I’m floored. And I try to make sense of it all, which, of course, is hopeless.
I have no option but to keep going because I have those who still want me around - my family and friends. If it wasn’t for them and their support I probably would’ve gone under.
Please look after yourself
Peter
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Hi Peter
Thanks for your reply.
My husband lost his first wife. They had two children who have become my stepson and stepdaughter. They have been very supportive but obviously have their own lives and families and don’t need me. I don’t have any family of my own, consequently I feel very much alone. My husband and I did everything together and life feels very empty with no-one to turn to and no point to anything.
So sorry to sound so negative but it’s hard to find anything positive at the moment.
Harriet I’ll, you pretty much sum up how I feel too. We did everything together, we have no family he was my everything. So now I am a lost soul, I don’t know what I am doing and often ask myself. There is no point to anything. People say you must carry on and I ask them why. My life was so happy with him and it’s all gone. Everyday you have to dig deep just to get through the day and that is exhausting coupled with the debilitating effects of so many tears, and gut wrenching sadness.
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Hi, Its hard, so so hard. I can feel the pain you’re suffering, I;m almost 4 years along this horrible journey and still as devastated as I was on day one. I wouldn’t say I get good days and bad days, just that some are slight;y easier than others. Like you say we just dont know what to do with ourselves having been so used to having someone near at hand. I lost my precious wife the day before Christmas 2020 and right now is such a hard time with all the Christmas adverts and all the stuff in the shops etc…I just want it to be here and gone. Until you;ve unfortunately found yourself in this situation its impossible for others to understand the pain and heartbreak we’re all going thru. Day after day I sit around doing nothing apart from watching TV and sleeping, which is my escape from reality. I used to be hands on with all sorts of stuff but now my enthusiasm and confidence has deserted me completely and become really introverted and reclusive. I really do hope that with time it will become more bearable for us all and that you too will find comfort in your treasured memories. Take good care
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This will be my first Christmas without my precious Bill. I’m absolutely dreading it. We used to decorate the house together and he loved putting up the lights. Now there’s no point. I just want it over and done with. I mute all the Christmas adverts.
We used to be in the church choir and Christmas was lovely with all the special Services and carols. Now it breaks my heart to hear Christmas carols, knowing he’s not here. I guess I’ll get through it somehow - don’t know how - just need a lot of boxes of tissues. Tears now, just thinking about it.
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That’s so bad to hear after 4 years. I try to think what my husband would do, I know what he would do, try to help others. I sometimes do something and say he would be pleased with me. I only want to do things he would like. Could you try to think what your wife would like for you? She wouldn’t want you yo feel so bad 4 years later, you need other people in your life. Anyone, some interaction, my best wishes
Hi
This week will be the first anniversary of my husband‘s funeral
I miss him every day it’s really hard to carry on without him we did everything together
Now I feel like I have nothing to look forward to it’s such a struggle to get up and motivate myself
Take care
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Sending hugs and strength 
Pam 14, this week is also first anniversary of my husband’s funeral. I can’t believe it’s a year ago and I still feel the same way xxx
@Lost12 I am so sorry for your loss. It’s still early days for you the feeling is still so raw. This forum is the place where we can all share and support one another through this sad and lonely journey so please keep on sharing…
I am 18 months in and still feel deeply sad, empty and lonely…and I don’t think it will get any better…the only difference is we gradually get used to grieving so it becomes more bearable. We too, used to do everything and go everywhere together and never needed anyone else and my whole world crumbled the day I lost my angel.
I am not qualified to give any advice but all I can say is please try to take one day at a time, or even one breath at a time and hang in there. Your husband wouldn’t want you to suffer I am sure.
Sending love and hugs X
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So sorry xx
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