Hi michelle,
I feel the same as you. My mum was such a young and funny 74 year old, I thought she would go on till 90. Just a few weeks before she died my partner and her joked that she would outlive us. We work long hours and do shifts and both feel so old most days.
2 weeks before mum died she found out she had a blocked carotid artery but we still weren’t worried. Mums op carried a 1 in 100 chance of death. But she still died.
I’ve learnt that you can simply be here one minute and gone the next and it scares me. I’ve started checking that my 5 feet 4 inch nearly 13 year old is breathing during the night, it worries me so much.
I think it’s so sad that our mums only made their early 70s and its such a theme on here. Same for daffy shaun, joules and others.
Well, we made it through the first xmas day without them. I shed alot of tears but we can be proud we have done it
Cheryl x
Thank you i have been thinking about the counselling on here, it’s a sad shame when the doctor tells you there is nothing available due to funding, I never go to the doctor for anything.
I guessed it would be painful loosing a loved one but didn’t think it would be this painful. I’m the only female now on our side of family and miss her so much. Try too hard to be ok for others even at work when on my own it’s horrific.
Awaiting postmortem results been told it will be after 6th January now, the time of year and a high amount of deaths to deal with apparently.
It is scary Cheryl, too young to be taken and everyone I speak too are shocked by her death she always looked so good, mum was a proud woman was well known to be out talking to anyone, wouldn’t leave the house without make up and hair done. Loved by many.
The firsts are so hard, harder due to recent death. Still can’t believe she’s not here, the first few weeks must have been in shock, now it’s so raw and painful I can’t seem to pull myself together which is something my area manager said to me when I told him I can’t cope. Really thinking of going back on sick something I’ve never done before she died I worked tirelessly. Thank you for your reply x
Make sure you rest when you can. It’s a major upset to the system. Gently does it. Having two firsts back to back can’t be easy. I hope you find something which will distract you for a while.
Year Michelle just make sure to take some time for your self that raw feeling is awful I found after mum died I just couldn’t be bothered with anything I was on my own when mum died so I can’t share with my brother’s one as mental illness other left me that morning so selfish he is ,but rest of family have all helped me get through and you will all get through its so hard even now but there is good times ahead life is never the same but our mum’s all live on in us all our lovely special mum’s we miss so much our memories of them will live forever in our hearts and minds jage
I know michelle. I still cant believe mum has gone and its 27 weeks now. The weeks just go but it still feels like mum died yesterday. I don’t think I will ever get used to it x
That’s awful Michelle to have to wait for over the holiday for that I lost my mum in December and we buried her two days before new year awful time I had no one to look after me one brother I look after other is selfish it as been a uphill struggle but things do get better but holidays aren’t good just try best to get on how you can thinking of everyone going through same thing jage
The thing is I still can’t believe mum as gone but you do learn to live with it
I too can’t get my head around Mum not being here. I’m in shock and denial.
That’s what I struggle with I can’t believe it, even though I know she’s gone, I don’t want to accept it, wishing I could go back change things but logically again that isn’t going to happen. It’s like a merry go round of emotions and I feel upset with others that their lives go on mine seems to be at a standstill, miserable every day but try not to be so I don’t upset others. Exhausting x
I liken grief to being thrown into a dark deep well or ravine. It’s dark and it’s going to take a long time to get out. Whilst, there ones got to do one best to look after oneself.
Michelle,
I am having a quiet day today. In a reflective mood. Just feel strange again, probably because this is all new territory for me. I can’t help but think of this time last year. My mind keeps flipping from the past to the present and back again.
Thinking of you today on what is a special day for you.
I mentioned the painting I received yesterday. I thought I might post it here. Hope you don’t mind.
There you have it, a painting of the last photo I ever took of mum. She was gone the second morning after this. This is what I think about sometimes and I look at this and think, why, how?
Wishing you all a peaceful day.
Shaun x
Hi shaun,
It’s a lovely painting. Some of us posted photos if our mums in’photos of loved ones’ started by joules a week before xmas.
It was a sad post but I found it lovely because we could put faces to names. However it made everything feel more real and I guess it’s the same for you with this painting.
I feel very serene today and reflective. Just going to sit down and watch films before I’m back at work tomorrow.
Hope you have an ok boxing day x
Thanks. It’s an unusual angle because you cannot see her face, don’t need to really. What you can see though is what she is admiring, the view. I can almost imagine what she is thinking. There she is sat wrapped in a beach towel watching the sea, the very essence of what she enjoyed the most in a place she enjoyed the most. Poignant. Whenever I find myself taking in the view of the sea like this, I’ll think of her.
Serene is a good word, sounds about right. Didn’t see much tv yesterday so will catch up on stuff today. Horrible weather here in Dorset so won’t be going out for a walk. I’m trying not to think about work at the moment. X
Beautiful picture. And yes very serene.
TV and snacks today for me, my partner and my boys.
Will be strange later not going to mums to celebrate her birthday. Stepdad wanted to go out I don’t want to do anything. Sounds miserable of me I know but don’t want to.
Back to work tomorrow, dont want to do that either but can’t sit here feeling sorry for myself xx
Michelle,
I’ve hardly gone out for 6 months. I go to a pub for dinner with my partner every couple of weeks and that’s it. I’ve been on no nights out and only seen a friend once for pizza.
I’m only happy at work or at home and I’m now very unsociable which is something I never was.
I dont know if i will ever get an appetite for going out again. My mum would be shocked and upset that I am now like this x
Morning all. Well that’s that day done. Love that painting Shaun. Wishing you all a peaceful day. I went to a church and lit a candle. Said “well that’s it she’s really gone”. My first Xmas I have ever spent without her. And bloody facebook this morning. “You have a friend anniversary with your mum”. 7 years ago today we bought her an iPad and signed her up to Facebook.
My heart is heavy today. Reality slapping me in the face again
Yes joules they really are gone.
If mum didnt make xmas, it means she is really gone and it’s so hard to accept.
I hate facebook but I cant bring myself to come off because I wont be able to see mums profile. Even though I can’t bring myself to anyway if that makes sense? X
Shaun your painting of your mum is lovely wow I would love one of my mum like that I hope one day you can hang it up with pride and look at it wow jage
Lovely painting. Your Mum appears to be appreciating nature.