Year I didn’t go on any big night’s out for over a year I was the same it turns you into a recluse sometimes you just don’t want to enjoy yourself but it will come in time jage
I feel worse today than I did yesterday. But it was so busy yesterday I didn’t have time to think. Also drank a little too much and slept for an hour in the afternoon. Then went to bed early. Everyone stayed up playing games. I want to
That sounds like how I spent my day. Too much to drink and then slept in the afternoon. I held it together, but today I’ve burst in to tears twice.
The loss of Mum is still sinking in. I spoke to distant relatives today and just kept in positive, so as not to change the tone. It’s just so unnatural, pretending all is well.
A friend has asked to meet up sometime. I just want to hibernate for long time.
I’ve cried alot today daffy.
I think it’s because its nearly over and we have got through a whole Christmas without them
Even though i drank a bit yesterday, I think I was still carrying a great deal of stress. It keeps dawning on me that this grief, is going to be a part of my life for a very, very long time.
Somehow, we must all try and keep healthy.
Nearly finished thank god, just leaving my mom and dads where we all meet every Boxing Day, not sad bloody angry she’s not here, to see all her children and grandchildren, mom loved this time of year, just new year to get through and then the first of everything else this year, sending love to you all xxx
Tracy,
I’m also angry but my partner and sister cant understand why. They say that mum wasnt murdered and she didnt get run over by a bus, so why be angry. Her body gave up that’s all.
But that isnt all. I’ve hated xmas and I am angry.actually x
We all react different from what I can see I have 2 sisters and 1 brother, I’m angry today, my one sister is still numb, my other sister cries all the time and out brother has locked himself away from us ( not in a nasty way but he can pretend it hasn’t happened ) were a really close family but we’re all dealing with mom so different which is ok, Iv cried but I’m sooooo bloody angry that she’s not here, we’re allowed to be this is our mom we want her back and it’s so wrong she’s not here with us, so why shouldn’t we be mad xxx
I know tracy, I fully agree.
I got through xmas day with just a few tears but boxing day was awful x
You know what this year I cried more than last year think the longer without mum the more I miss her ,my anger as gone just so sad that she is not here , I think we will always feel sad on holidays because all our lovely mum’s were such a big part of it I can now look at photos and smile the road of grief is so bumpy I was so lost for a long time I’m hoping 2020 can be a better year a new house and new job will make things lot better just to let you all know things do get better the missing never goes but life does improve slowly you start to enjoy things again and I can talk about my mum and laugh now ,and go out and not feel guilty i enjoyed my holiday this year first time properly I can sit in her chair and feel ok I send my thoughts and wishes to you all jage
I wasn’t good yesterday either. It keeps dawning on me that she’s not going to come home, which results in tears.
I am in denial and not at the same time. It could have all be very different.
I’m also getting unwell. It feels like its taking a toll on my body. I’ll start some tai chi in the New Year to see if it helps at all. I’m tired.
Thanks jage.
You give me hope because I cant sustain this sadness.
Like daffy, I’m getting ill with it and am determined to get fit and healthy in the new year x
I agree thank you for telling us that it does get better, today I’m exhausted, would love to sleep again up at 6.30 cleaning , I look like shit and I feel like shit ( sorry ) but it’s the truth, it upsets me that mom would really hate to see me like this but it’s just hard to fight the deep hurt and sadness inside, my dad was broken last night to see him breaking I front of his kids, grandkids and great grandkids was awful, I’m in pain I can’t imagine how he feels, mom was his world xxx
Oh tracy,
It’s awful isnt it. It doesnt get worse than this. Keep your chin up as hard as it may be.
Cheryl x
I think I was the same last year I was worse on boxing Day I think getting through Xmas day without our mum’s dawn
S on you and reality hits that they weren’t there on that day ,did for me you realise that Xmas will never be the same it is so different for me going to other family when always been with mum it’s like making new life with mum not in it it’s hard but life is hard and you do adjust you have to thinking of you all jage
I woke this morning and I decided that I was going to do my upmost to stay healthy over the next few days leading up to New Year. The reason, grief is making me feel physically unwell.
However, it didn’t take a lot to start me off. Ive still got some Peruvian lilies still flowering from Mums funeral in mid November. I got upset because I want them to last until New Year. They might. And then it was something else which was rather illogical which got me going. I’m coming up to 12 weeks.
I can comprehend why grief could give a person a meltdown.
My partner insisted that I wear one of Mums scarves, when I got terribly upset. He thinks and perhaps hopes it will provide some comfort.
I can only try to not make myself ill, but tears roll in when they want to. I keep waking up several times a night.
It doesn’t take much to set me off crying. Time will heal this.
Daffy,
I’m sure it will but it is only 12 weeks for you.
Its 28 weeks for me today and I’m still having terrible days, yesterday being one of them.
I agree about feeling ill. My sister says my eyes must be made of tough stuff to cope with the amount of crying I do.
This xmas lark has certainly been a big test of our emotions that’s for sure.
I dont think we will ever heal as such, but hopefully the pain will lessen and we will learn to enjoy our lives again in the future.
Personally, the flowers and scarf would be too much for me. I’m having a hard time using up mums perfumes. I couldnt bear to throw them out so have been using them up but the smell of her chanel coco catches me and upsets me. I will never buy it again.
Thank you jage, thinking of you too.
It’s been a tough time to get through these last few weeks. Thank god it’s almost over for one year x
Hi Shaun
What a beautiful idea. Having her last photo made into a painting. I appreciate that for now it may be so very hard to see. But I hope you learn to adore it
Christmas for me was simply dire
And it is proving this week will be just as bad
We are all from London however Mum bought herself a house down here in West Wales 20 years ago. My now grown up son followed having met his now wife whilst staying with Mum on a local beach. He is now married with 2 young girls
I relented and moved down 4 years ago, mum was getting older, the grandkids are here etc et
But my only elder brother is still in London. He was here for the funeral. Then went back. But he arrived today with strict instructions. He is the executor if her will. He arrived stating that everything & I repeat everything was going to the dump. So that the house can be used as an ongoing concern as a holiday home. I am horrified !! Everything of Mums is in that house. Everything. I had to leave. But tomorrow I know I must go back and at least ask that certain personal things and memories come home with me. 2019 was horrific. It appears the beginning of 2020 will be no better xx
I hope you are having an ok day
Justine xx
Justine,
He might be the executor of the will but who are the beneficiaries?
If you and brother are equal beneficiaries then you can keep your mums stuff instead of it going to a dump cant you?
Cheryl x