I think it naturally will as time passes and we create more memories without them.
I dont think we will ever get over losing them but we may come to terms with, or just simply get used to being without them.
I find it very difficult living in this house. Maybe if it was already mine and mum had come to live with me, but we chose the house together, went shopping for furniture together and decorated it. And this was only a year ago. It was supposed to ge our home for about 5 years and then we were going to move to the Kent coast. I have no idea what I will do now, but I still just take each day as it comes x
I suppose we will get used to it eventually. I already miss getting Mum’s opinion. I’m just leaving Mum’s room for now.
I think it will settle down eventually but it might take a lot of time. x
You do learn to live with it 2 years on I still think of her and talk to her everyday year my mum and I got this flat together I am now looking to move get my own place Gona b hard leaving memories but a new start for me year you all will make new and good memories in the future life will never be the same just different and life will improve as time goes by only this year after counseling in the summer have I been able to try and make a new life for myself all have hope for the future
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Thank you for your positive post. I don’t feel that positive at the moment but reading stories from others like yourself does make me feel that there must be a better time ahead. I have to hold onto that thought even though I remain to be convinced.
Hi Shaun
I have read many of your posts. I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved Mum.
Sending love
Justine
Hi Shaun I know life seems so crap at the moment but honestly one day you will feel bit better I’m so sorry about your mum it does take a long long time it’s a very long road to go down I’m still on that road 2 years on my heart goes out to you it’s so hard getting through especially that first year sending my love jage
Thank you Justine and Jage for your kind words, they mean a lot, I’ve been quite busy the past few days with work. I mostly work at home but the past few days I’ve had to go into the office to work with others due to tight deadlines. I’ve felt like myself again because I was focused on getting stuff done but I don’t escape thinking about stuff at odd moments during the day. The worst bit is the journey to and from the office when my mind can wander and tonight on the hour drive home I was in tears for most of it. I hate this roller coaster ride. 15 weeks down now and still counting. I’m looking forward to some brighter days and I mean literally and mentally speaking. I’ve got to feel better one day as the thought of feeling like this for the rest of my life just depresses me badly.
Shaun,
Everything you just said is the same for me. Its 6 months today since I lost mum. 6 months?
How did that happen?
I miss her so so much and still cant believe she died.
Although I’ve been busy in work I think constantly about her and still cry frequently.
Like you things have to get better because I cant feel this sadness forever.
Cheryl x
Hi Shaun it’s so early days and you Justine 6 MTHS is not long to now 2 years on I still cry but not every day on Monday it’s mum’s 2 yes anniversary my birthday can’t believe it’s that long after 14 MTHS I had one on one counseling with sue Ryder councillor I was to upset before it did help me but it’s not for everyone I miss my mum so much but honestly you do learn to enjoy things and get on again Xmas isn’t good being mum’s anniversary and then Xmas but keeping busy and being with family and friends help I like to talk about mum things she liked to do and what she was like it helps I can now laugh about the things she did without crying Shaun and Justin it just takes time and I know every day is long and horrible but one day you will start to feel a bit better I’m thinking of you both love jage
Chery it Def won’t last forever I felt exactly the same after 6 this it’s like never endless sadness and everything is an effort but love you will get there and learn to live with it love jage
Hi Sean
I am exactly the same. Work can be a distraction. Although my mind wanders to thoughts of Mum literally every 5 minutes.
My drive to & from work involves driving past the turn off to Mums home. That’s hard. And also past the Chapel of rest where I visited her the day before her funeral. I will always I guess have those landmarks to bring it all back
Weekends for me are the hardest. They just loom with no purpose
About a month before Mum died she gave me the Christmas wreath that had adorned my childhood front door and that mum had always used since. However she told me this year would I like it for my house?? Strange. It’s almost as if she knew she wouldn’t need it. It’s still in its box I can’t bear to open it just yet
I hope you have as good a day as possible xx
Justine xx
Thankyou jage.
I know 6 months is still so very short in terms if time. It could be yesterday that all the trauma happened.
I am very slowly getting my life back but sometimes I have such bad days that I am back at at square one.
Cheryl x
Thanks hopefully one day you can put it on your door with pride it took me a long time to sit in my mum’s chair only a few months ago but it’s nice to now on my mum’s anniversary me and my brother go for a meal for my mum it’s a tribute to her she loved going out year night time was the worst for me but you do get used to it hope as time passed everyone’s pain lessons jage
Hi Justine, It’s amazing how many things whether they be object or places are now hugely significant. I never thought in the years before just how these things would affect me now. My mum lived for the last 7 years, about 100m from my house which previously was where I lived with my partner. I know it’ll have other occupants there next year but it’ll always in my heart be mum’s house and I’ll always see and pass it. Where she used to live before that is about 25 miles away and I never need to see it thankfully.
I can understand your thoughts about the wreath, there are things I have from mum which remain in boxes until such time I can handle looking at them again. They will stir up memories which right now are painful and I’m protecting myself from them. The one thing I really wanted to get out though and I’ve mentioned this before, is a fibre optic Xmas village which I was compelled to display as it had been mums for many years. It’s strange how certain things I want on display while others I can’t bear to see right now.
I am sure you will one day get that wreath out and display it with pride and fond memories. On our front door is a wreath which once belonged to my mother in law who sadly died before I met my partner.
I’ve had a pretty mad day today. We hosted a drinks and nibbles party before going for carols in the village square. We had 15 adults and associated kids in our house drinking copious glasses of mulled wine with Xmas music in the background. I dreaded having the event all day but it was a distraction at the time and now the house is quiet my thoughts return to my mum again. Tomorrow is a quieter day but I’m meeting my great aunt who lost her husband earlier this year, so sad. What a year 2019 has turned out to be. Extreme highs and lows.
Shaun x
Cheryl,
I’m wondering, you are now at the 6 month mark. Did you feel that 6 months was significant? For some reason I felt 3 months was significant, probably because of the obsessive counting of weeks and time. The start of 2020 I feel will be significant because all this will be last year and psychologically I’m not looking forward to that as it all makes me feel like mums life is distant from me. Weird I know. How do others feel about 2020?
I know what you mean about the bad days. It’s so easy to be fooled into thinking that things are improving only to be dragged back to the day it all happened again. It’s tiring. Never mind 2 steps forward 1 back, it’s more like 20 steps forward and 19 back.
Shaun x
Shaun,
I’ve obsessed about anniversaries since mum went, counting the weeks and imagining what we were doing this time last week, 6 weeks ago, 20 weeks ago etc. It dawned on me yesterday on the 6 month anniversary that I hadny really thought about the 26 week anniversary on friday. Thus is the first week I hadnt obsessed about the last wednesday we sat and watched tv together and the last thursdsy I saw her.
Yesterday was just the same as every other day without mum in all honesty.
The main thing about yesterday was that 6 months sounds like such a long period of time and I cant believe that mum has been gone that long.
How can I not have spoken to her for a whole 6 months?
How can the whole trauma of her death have occurred half a year ago? All yesterday did was to confirm that she really has gone, silly as it sounds x
Hi
Yes what a year. I remember seeing in the new millennium with Mum. And we spoke recently about the fact that when she was young the year 2000. Seemed so far away & yet here was 2020 in her doorstep. But she didn’t make it. Almost but not quite
Mum wasn’t a fan if Xmas. So I know it shouldn’t bother me. But it’s hard
Well done you for hosting your party. I considered the fact that I actually bothered to do a weekly grocery shop a win for this weekend !!
I do so hope today is a better day for you
Justine x
Justine
I cant do grocery shopping either. Ever since mum died I can only think about what we need for that day only.
We have a large tesco by my daughters school bus stop so mum used to get whatever we needed every morning for the day and on my days off mum and I would do a bigger shop.
There is so many things that still cause me pain that I think always will.
How are you this weekend?
Cheryl
My first Xmas and new year are a bit of a blur with mum dying 16 th December 2 days before new year we buried mum it was horrible so last year felt like my first year I just went to bed early this year is still hard but I hope now I can try and enjoy some of it it is hard I spent every Xmas day of my life with my mum and miss it so much , like you all say little things bother you I couldn’t go to a social club my mum loved for a long time I went in the summer and it was sad but I know she loved going there ,you know the worse thing for me was after a few months people seem to think your ok because you have to put a face on because you feel like people are sick of you crying and looking sad and you wear a mask that was horrible and the feeling of not bothering people I done that for a long time but it wears you down in the end I now talk about and think about mum all the time but can laugh now my heart goes out to you all love jage
Jage,
There is never a good time to lose our mums but for yours to die just before xmas and the funeral to between xmas and new year must have been truly awful.
I’m having an awful time about my mum but am so grateful she died 6 months before xmas so the initial shock has gone x