Thanks for that Shaun year to lose my lovely mum on my birthday and be so near to Xmas was horrible I hate December now but I am alot more positive than I was 2 years ago tomorrow is not good but IL get through it IL go for a meal with my brother for my mum I don’t celebrate my birthday that day I open pressys day after but even though you don’t believe it things will improve in the future I thought I would never feel any better but I do b glad once Xmas is over take care jage
Jage
It’s 8 weeks on Tuesday for loosing my mum and I’m having the feelings you mentioned, work is getting harder for me, I feel I’m getting on people’s nerves, crying, and trying to put a face on but doesn’t always work, something small happens and I get upset and loose it. They’re nice at work most have been in this position so understand. It’s a confusing, miserable time x
I’m so sorry Michelle year it’s so hard I’m glad people at work are being ok for you it is so soon and you will feel like that in the future things will improve love jage
Hi Michelle, 11 half weeks and I agree about feeling like your getting on people’s nerves, I have nothing else to talk about as all that’s in my head is about mom, I try and keep busy then bang, doesn’t matter where I am, put the tree up today for the kids, I hate it and just want to rip it down again, I don’t want to do Christmas without her xx
I’m at nearly 10 weeks since loosing Mum suddenly. I’m tending to keep quiet with people so, as not to irritate or seem too obsessed with her passing.
I just cry and it comes out of nowhere. There were moments today where I felt numb. Perhaps, Christmas is also making things feel unreal. I can’t comprehend the change in my life and having a Christmas without a Mum.
Daffy I still can’t believe Xmas without my mum year it’s horrible that feeling of thinking your getting on people’s nerves because as your life stops everyone else’s life’s go on this time of year everyone is so busy and happy and you feel different and left behind IV been looking at pics and videos today making me worse because of tomorrow anniversaries don’t seem to get better it’s just longer without my mum but day to day does get lot better I think we all will be glad when Xmas is over
Cheryl, nothing you say sounds silly. If that’s the case then I’m being silly too. I’m expecting with time, the inability to talk with mum for so long is going to cut deep. I’ve read in various places that 6 months can be a horrible time so I’m not surprised that you are suffering as you say you are. I’m not looking forward to March for so many reasons not just because it’ll be 6 months for me. I think I will start talking in terms of months, partly because it doesn’t sound so far away from the good times. Time’s a healer, time’s a killer, not sure which yet. Shaun x
OK, yesterday’s drinks party was a real test for me and in the end went well for all concerned.
Today however I thought was a bigger test. Today I ventured into town with the sole intention to visit a card shop. I’ve been putting it off for so long now and I’m not really interested in actually sending cards this year but I knew I would find it a big deal to go into that card shop. Quite ridiculous really as I’ve never been scared of a card shop before! Anyway, I took my daughter with me, she needed some cards too and we were looking for a present for mummy. Town was full of festive cheer, there was an extensive Christmas market on and we could hardly get anywhere particularly fast. We got to the card shop and went in. I felt repelled by the mum section but obviously couldn’t avoid it. I told my daughter to have a look and find a nice card for mummy. I hated being there and just wanted to get it done as I felt emotional. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. My daughter brought over a card with Son on the front and said “This is the card that Grandma could have given you.” I just agreed with her and carried on. Then brought another card over with Grandma written on it, “This is the sort of card I could have given Grandma.” Argh! Please don’t do this to me here in this busy shop, She didn’t intend to upset me of course, she is only 6. She just takes it all in her stride and knows full well what has happened. I wasn’t cross with her, she normally cheers me up but at the moment I felt awful. In the end we finished the job and she got some nice cards. Wow, what a trip that was, I was glad to go home again.
Tomorrow I go into the office and so will have to endure the drive in and the drive home again with a wandering mind.
Shaun x
Shaun
Children are a godsend at times like this, the innocence of your daughter is heart warming but for you too it’s do upsetting. I completely understand.
I’ve known a lot of people loose their loving parents and got on with my life, I didn’t realise how painful it is. Everyone else gets on around you, your stuck in misery and upset.
I also drive to work, on my way in 5 mins, and cry all the way there, I think it’s to get it out my system but that doesn’t work either. I’ve tried to just get on with work so I’m not upsetting everyone but they tell me to let it out I will get worse if I don’t.
Today I have another manager coming in to see me, I had a breakdown last week, can’t cope with us having no manager and they’re all looking to me for the lead and answers but I couldn’t want anything less. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, again he knows what I’m going through but when I say things aloud it sounds pathetic to my ears but is a huge problem at the time
Hope your day goes ok X
Michelle
I went to the gym this morning. Pulled over in the car and cried my eyes out as “Memory” from cats came on the radio. It’s not even a song I relate to mum. It just pulled at my heart strings. Went out for a roast dinner yesterday with friends and there was carol singing around a piano. I burst into tears. Also think I’m getting on people’s nerves. I dream of my mum every single night and it’s really distressing as there is no relief for it all. Not even when I’m asleep.
I have always been a very vivid dreamer. I remember all my dreams and I dream every night. Which is why I’m not suprised I dream of mum every night. But it’s really distressing and I’m starting to dread going to sleep. Last night I dreamt that I had asked for mums medical notes and in her notes were photos of her. And the notes said “told patient today there is no more we can do for her she has terminal cancer. Patient very distressed”.
Now I actually want to see mums notes to see what they actually say.
How do I stop these dreams???
Jooles,
I avoid social situations because I cry so easily about my mum I went for lunch with my sister a couple of weeks ago and cried through the entire thing. Since then I’ve done nothing apart from work or sit at home.
I think it will be a long time before I am able to enjoy a night out again. For now I’m happy to hibernate away.
You are not on your own. It’s now been 6months since mum died and I’m no nearer to accepting or coming to terms with it at all x
Jooles
For some reason I’m the opposite and have only dreamt of mum once since she died.
I am truly grateful because the one time I did dream of her she was racing around getting ready to go out and she said ‘where is my hotbrush?’ I replied that I got rid of it mum because I didnt think you were coming back.
I cried all day after that dream so I am so pleased I’m not having more. Regarding medical notes, I gagd decided not to apply for mums. As much as I want to know in detail about her last couple of hours, I think it would just cause me too much upset. I think it would be the same for you joules x
I wish I could stop the dreams Cheryl. They are really horrible. Just no relief even when asleep. You are right. I don’t think I could handle seeing those notes. The nights when we went home and she was on her own. I don’t want to know that she was distressed or upset. I have enough guilt on my plate leaving her at night as it is.
I’ve got so much coming up with family I’m not going to be able to cope. I really just want to be alone. But I need to do it for my dad and brother and the kids. Dad and brother all on their own now. Without mum holding them together.
Jooles, I think we have to do what we need to do to protect ourselves from too much pain. Curiosity can have damaging consequences and looking at medical notes could be an example of that. I know I would want to see such notes but I know they would serve no purpose and wouldn’t change anything for the good. There are various things I have closed my mind off to, I know they are there and if I start to consider them it really hurts so it’s best if they stay in a box. One consolation is that December will no doubt soon be over, it seems to rush by normally anyway. January I’m not sure about as I normally hate that month at the best of times.
I’ve only had a dream or two about mum but I can’t remember what they were about. Dreams are tricky to stop as they tend to reflect your waking thoughts and experiences. Obviously telling you to cheer up wouldn’t be well received (if anyone tells me that then I’ll be quite rude) so my only advice which may sound odd is to make sure you get plenty of rest/sleep and don’t punish yourself for not feeling better any time soon. I don’t believe you are guilty of anything except love and that’s why you are pained so much now.
Shaun x
The reality of Mum’s passing is still keeping me awake at night. Infact, I think my sleep has got worse over the last week.
I’m still hibernating and when people to contact me with there “how are you question” it’s near impossible to find a reply.
I was watching Jamie Oliver Christmas food program. He said at the end “Have the best Christmas ever!” It’s too much. I think Christmas is going to trouble me for quite a while.
Fed up with it all. i just want my Mum back, which clearly is not going to happen!
Michelle, yes you are right about children.
The world does seems to carry on around us. Everyone getting on with their lives, seemingly. There doesn’t seem to be any way to escape this place we are in. It’s feels a bit strange being part of the world but not feeling part of it anymore and then I start thinking, well, after I’m gone, the world will carry on regardless year after year forever more.
It seems we are all trying not to talk about this with all the people around as we all think people will get bored of hearing it. I feel that way too and generally don’t talk about it unless I’m with people who genuinely are interested. I sometimes get asked “How’s things?” and then I think, is that a normal throwaway question or is it something more and do I really want to tell them how I actually feel? Hmm, no, I think I’ll just answer with, “OK I suppose” and that’s that. That’s why I come here to chat.
I know what you mean about sounding pathetic, it does sound silly but then it’s a huge deal. This is one of the hardest things to get through in life. Any one who has been through it will understand that, hopefully your manager will get that. Wishing you well for today. I’m in the office today and everyone around me is getting on Literally someone just came in and said “How’s things?”, I replied “Alright”.
Shaun x
Shaun lovely understanding words thank you. I’m hoping my counselling will help with my guilt which in turn may stop the dreams. Daffy it’s the worst feeling isn’t it. That yearning for something that can never happen. Never had a feeling like that before. And the awful disbelief still continues.
Shaun someone sent me a message the other day asking if I felt better. I honestly didn’t even reply. I hope you get through work ok. I think I’m going to need to box some stuff up in my head for a bit to get through Xmas too. Deal with that later.
Hope everyone has an ok day xx
I agree daffy. I just went to the doctors for a blood test and a woman asked my daughter and I if we were both looking forward to xmas? I said, not really, we just lost my mum recently and life isnt the same. The lady replied, my dad has cancer and he has 6 months to live. We were both in tears being stared at after that.
I thought to myself, if I just said , yes we are looking forward to xmas, I could have avoided all that, but I couldnt. I just couldnt pretend I’m ok when im not.
Cheryl x
Cheryl I tell the most random people what happened to my mum. The other day i cried on some ladies shoulder in Morrison’s as they were playing mums favourite song. I burst into tears and some lady came over and hugged me. Said her brother died a few years ago and she used to do the same too.