It’s awful isn’t it? I’m not a buggy person at all. I’m so out of my comfort zone but I just cant tell people I’m ok if they ask.
It almost feels like a betrayal to my mum to lie.
As it happens I think this lady was pleased as she could then tell me about her dad.
There is slot of misery out there z
Huggy not buggy
Hi Shaun it is ok to tell people your not ok but it gets to a time when you think people think you should be over it even though your not and you pretend you’re ok it’s horrible I hated that sad day today mum’s anniversary IV still had stupid people wishing me happy birthday I just ignore them worse was my brother who said happy birthday have lovely day never mentioned mum really upset bout that meeting my other brother for meal for my mum now to celebrate her lovely life take care everyone
Hi jage,
I know what you mean and I’m sorry about today. I just had a xmas card from one of my cousins. Bearing in mind my mum was her lovely aunt, the card has ‘xmas is the best time of the year!’ plastered all over it.
Are people mad? Are they that insensitive?
Xmas means nothing to me now and they must realise that this is an awful time for me.
My sister sends messages like have a lovely time, or how was your weekend?
Doesnt she get that my life is terrible without our mum? She used to pop over for a coffee every couple of weeks, invite mum to dinner every few weeks. But I lived with her, had breakfast together every morning, watched tv together every night.
I’ve just no time for anyone other than the people on this site at the moment. I know it sounds childish.
I hope you have a nice meal x
I’ve just had a card wishing a new adventure in 2020! Not sure what to make of that.
Unbelievable!
Hmmm. Is this from people who know the situation?
I can see that cards are bothering people a lot. I’m not surprised. I went card shopping but I certain people I just couldn’t buy cards for because it didn’t feel right wishing them a happy or merry Christmas as just about all of the cards say.
My sister messaged me recently and suggested we don’t do cards at all because it didn’t seem right. I agreed so that’s a weight off both our minds. I’ve told my brother too and he goes along with it.
For certain people I might just get plain Christmas cards and put my own words in.
Never have bits of folded card had so much impact!
Shaun x
C1971, Shaun73 and everyone else on this thread. Yes, they came to Mum’s funeral. Plus, they have lost a parent many years ago, so they should know better.
The days feel like they are getting worse with the run up to Xmas. i cried a lot today.
Cheryl,
I think we just have to keep it neutral. I also find great difficulty in saying “Yeah great thanks” if anyone asks how I am. I also don’t want to say that everything is crap. Somewhere in the middle so that I don’t feel I’m disrespecting mum’s memory but also without sounding terrible to possibly disinterested people all the time. I think maybe “Bearing up”, “Could be better” or “OK under the circumstances” or similar works for me.
Shaun x
Hi
Well today didn’t go how I wanted it to, I’d worked myself up to talk about how I’m not coping, admitting I need some help at work, just for them to come in see another 2 members of staff about other things that had been reported, I had a couple of mins, told them they needed to get us a manager but I won’t hold my breath. I resent the place, not the staff as I have worked tirelessly over the last couple of years, now with hindsight that time should have been spent with my mum, now I can’t do that I just wanna be at home, not helping them (I know that sounds bad) but it’s on my mind the whole time making me worse.
Talk of nights out, secret Santa, all that I’m not doing, again don’t wanna bring others spirits down. Someone else rings in sick I dread them asking me to cover as I struggle with my own shifts.
Hope work was ok for you today x
As the saying goes “it’s good to talk”. And you find support in the most surprising areas. I had a colonoscopy two days before mums funeral. As soon as I walked into the hospital the sights and smells set me off. A lady in the lift hugged me (very huggy here in Cornwall). Said “it gets easier. But you will always grieve for her. I’ve had Xmas cards wishing me a happy Xmas. I would have preferred to get none. I told everyone I wasn’t doing Xmas cards and instead donated to cancer research in mums memory. But I couldn’t even do that right and somehow donated to the WWF. That is typical me and my mum would laugh.
I received the most loveliest message from one of my friends. It was beautiful. Thank god some people do have sensitivity.
We still manage to have the occasional laugh dont we?
Its probably what I miss most about my mum. We used to have a real giggle together.
There have been few laughs in my life for 6 months, I hope they return x
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Hi year IV been getting happy birthday all-day in texts when people know a few didn’t I had a cousin who said my mum wouldn’t like me to do this drives me mad why can’t today be my mum’s day not mine year this is the first year IV put cards up no tree still cause when mum died the tree was on for her and reminds me I have no kids so it’s ok maybe next year grief is so hard hey you will all laugh again mine was on holiday it was 19 MTHS after mum my friend said it was so lovely to see me really laugh she told me afterwards I felt guilty but I have learned to laugh about things now but it does take time December hard though not much to laugh about now thinking of you all love jage
I actually properly belly laughed at something my daughter did about 4 days after mum died. But I’m in a worse state now than what I was immediately after my mum died. Can’t imagine laughing like that now. Or I would laugh then dissolve into tears.
Hi jage,
When we all moved into this bungalow 16 months ago I was very stressed. There were all sorts of problems with the house and I was so unhappy and stressed all the time. I remember my mum saying, I want the old cheryl back, the one who laughed all the time. We got the problems sorted about a month before mum died, so she saw a happier, relaxed me.
I owe it to my mum to start being a happier person because if my mum could see how unhappy i am she would be truly devastated.
I’ve been thinking how would I want my daughter to be if I died suddenly? I would want her to miss me of course, but I would want her to be happy and make her life great. It’s so hard when u want to be happy but you are missing your mum so much you just feel miserable.
One day jage I hope you can enjoy your birthday because of your mum. I know it wont ge easy but I also know that our mums would absolutely hate us living our life this way x
Jooles
There is nothing wrong with laughing sometimes. I just tickled my daughter as she got into bed and she laughed hysterically. She hasnt laughed like that forv6 months and I feel so guilty.
Life has been so rubbish since mum died and I really want to start laughing again, in honour of mum who would love to see us happy again, just as I’m sure yours would x
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I had a strange moment at work today. I was really getting into what I was doing and after chatting with others, I found something really funny and ended up laughing out loud. This went on for a while and then all of a sudden within the space of 5 seconds I’d say, my mood plummeted like s stone and then I remembered.
I had to get up and immediately went out for a walk to get some fresh air.
I hate it when that happens especially as extremely as it did today.
Shaun,
It’s a cliche I know, but our mums would love to hear or see us laughing again. We have felt so much pain that we have to laugh sometimes dont we?
I know that my mum would love to see me laughing again x
Shaun it’s weird isn’t it. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had moments where I’ve enjoyed myself then I remember what’s happened and I go cold inside and I need to take a step back and go off by myself. The thing is I know my mum would want all that you said Cheryl. And you are so tight we owe it to them. But I’m absolutely dead inside. I would honestly just like some Flickr of emotion other than pain.