Right. Not tight. 
Yay I’m not the only one doing typos!
I did used to make my mum laugh with my clumsiness and my awful driving. She would hang on for dear life. And I always get lost. Which she would laugh her head off at
It’s catching Cheryl
Whenever I used to trip over, my mum used to say ‘whoopsy daisie’
I used to throw her a look of disgust and not speak to her for ages. Today, my daughter tripped and I said, wait for it…‘whoopsy daisie’
Omg…ive turned into her!
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You’ve both just made me laugh
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I think when we laugh and act the way we do it proves that our old selves are still there somewhere, just buried under an enormous weight of grief. I think grief will always be there but maybe the weight will lessen and the laughter will escape more often. That’s my positive thought for the day. Shaun x
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Let’s hold on to that Shaun. It’s what they would want.
Love Whoops a daisy expression.
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I hope you’re right shaun.
I used to love laughing.
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Lets not use it too often jooles, I couldnt stand it!!
My mum has been gone just over 18 months now and at least twice a week a huge wave of emotion hits me and i just cannot comprehend that she is actually gone. She is never coming back. I dont want to talk about it to anybody i couldn’t even if i tried, but all i want to do is speak about her and speak about my pain. Its all very confusing and i feel so lost in the big world without her by my side.
Hi Valentinex, so sorry to hear about your loss. I imagine a lot of us here will be experiencing what you describe in a year or so. You can talk about your mum here. We all want to listen. It is confusing yes I agree but you don’t need to worry about everyone here understanding because it seems whatever you say I can guarantee that someone else will relate to it. Mum’s are special people and most of us were extremely close to them. It makes now, after, an extremely difficult time to work out the way forward. They were after all, around for all of our lives, longer than any other relationship. Now we have to live without them. None of us here have the answers on how to do that but we can help each other through the pain and help each other to not feel alone. I hope you can find some peace and comfort in this forum. There are some very sad stories here but also some uplifting ones. Above all, there are some lovely people here.
I really appreciate that message, i do believe you are right and look forward to hearing many stories good bad beautiful or painful. That was my first post and did not realise until afterwards i had just posted into an ongoing conversation, so i do apologise!
You don’t need to apologise. We don’t mind another joining in, nobody is going to tell you off. I know how difficult it can be to start off with this sort of thing so why not just jump straight in? How have you been coping the last 18 months? I hope you managed to get some support from friends and family, The whole comprehension thing about someone being gone is such a common theme here, you might think you are going crazy but if that’s the case then we are all going crazy!
I must admit the first year was a lot easier, at the hospital i barley shed a tear i think i in shock. i went to work and was out every weekend, i thought of her every day, but in the way in which i do now. I’d say it was around Last Christmas it really started to hit home and although i live my everyday life behind the scenes i feel so broken, i have some support, but alot of my friends are unsure and or have their own problems. Im also not very good at expressing my feelings. If you dont mind me asking how long has it been since your mum has passed? how are you coping/feeling lately?
That’s interesting that you said it was easier in a way to begin with, Maybe shock as you say and not enough time for you to process the impact on your life. Time doesn’t necessarily heal in the way some people imagine. I guess with time we become further away form our loved ones, that’s the way I am feeling anyway. It can become intolerable the inability to see them or talk to them and share all sorts of bits of your life. I think that aspect can come with time. You’ll find if you spend any time here conversing with others you will want to and will find it easier to express yourself, especially when someone says something that so closely describes how your day is or how you are feeling at that moment. Sadly friends, work colleagues and even family are not sometimes good at long term support and can find it difficult to know what to say. How can we be cheered up after all? I think we all know how.
My mum died coming up to 16 weeks ago this Thursday. My first post detailed the circumstances somewhere in this forum. I was on holiday with my wife, daughter and my mum, a holiday we do every August together for several years now. It was all going so well and we were all having such a good time until the last day when I woke and then discovered my mum sat up in bed with breathing difficulties. Suffice to say that within the next hour or so she had gone despite my and the medics best efforts. That was the worst day of my life. I am getting on wife life at the moment, I went back to work after 3 weeks although I was zero effective to start with. Even now I’m not back to normal. I can do all the stuff I used to do and to most people wouldn’t know what’s happened. Inside though my emotions are variable as you may read by things I’ve said in this thread. I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. Mum does keep popping into my head all the time at random moments. Sometimes I feel good and other times I can completely fall apart. I was very close to my mum and she was very involved with my family life. I’m paying the price now for that relationship.
Michelle, sounds like you need a proper sit down with someone who will listen with more than 2 minutes to spare. Can you arrange a proper one to one meeting with an hour blocked out? One of the first things I did when I went back to work was have a sit down with our HR manager. I sadly made her cry but it did help to tell her how I was coping. I think I do have an understanding employer but I would say that I work to live rather then live to work. This experience has taught me even more that what’s important in life is health and family. Don’t go down the hindsight route, that’s the route to pain. Wind the clock back, oh yes, I could do all sorts of things differently. I can really understand why you want to be at home, it’s not bad, it’s your emotions. I think you’ve seen how my work day went on some other posts. For the most part I get stuck in but it’s always temporary, I cannot forget for too long and sometimes the remembering moment is sometimes gentle and other times quite nasty.
I missed our company get together as I didn’t feel like enjoying myself quite that much and I didn’t really want to be the miserable git either.
Look after yourself!
Shaun x
Valentinex, I’m glad you found us. There’s a lovely group of people on these boards. They are such a comfort. My Mum passed away only 10 weeks ago suddenly of pneumonia and a massive heart attack, so it very early days for me.
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I think in one way I was lucky I found out on 6 th December my mum’s dyalisis wasn’t working any more so I took her home next day had a bed in living room slept on the floor next to her and I stayed there for 10 days at least I got to hold her hand and tell her I love her it was harrowing but she was at home with me with mum having dementia she was quiet but she smiled alot and knew me on 10 th December had a Xmas day family around Xmas songs mum had roast and gateaux which was nice to eat what she wanted she had been on special diet for 4 years so was good the last few days wasnt good mum was unconscious but on my birthday mum opened her eyes smiled at me and squeezed my hand then few hours later she died I was on my own my brother left me that morning which was horrible ,I really haven’t been able to talk about this to much it’s to painful but now as I can’t sleep thought I would share it I suppose in one way being my mum’s full time carer for4 years I got to spend loads of time with her which I will treasure forever thanks jage
Thank you Shaun.
I agree you can’t change the past, oh what we all would do with hindsight. It’s just the guilt I struggle with. Work I struggle with the silly little arguments others have, I used to be so calm and understanding, now not so.
I did go into work before I went back, saw my area manager and HR advisor. Cried all the way through it, told them I’m struggling to cope, wanted to come back to my set hours for now, I’ve always done overtime, we have no manager so the shop is struggling. He agreed but 10 mins later asked if I would step into manager role and do some extra to keep shop open, I refused and left feeling I’ve not been listened to, they just want the shop open, we’re just a number.
Anyway I’m off 2 days, 8 weeks today my mum died, I’m obsessive with dates and times. Still awaiting post mortem results which is driving me insane.
Thank you for support it does help to read other posts x