My Dad and the Inquest

Hello, I hope someone can offer me some guidance. I lost my wonderful Dad in September 2019, RTA and he passed away instantly, he was 67, fit as a fiddle - my best mate, safety net and business partner too. I’ve found this week harder than most as It’s 1 year since the police knocked on my Mums door plus I desperately wanted to send him a picture of my children in there new school uniforms. I’m strong most days and I talk to him all the time which helps but I still can’t believe that this is my life and that he’s gone.

My question is this - The inquest is next week and I don’t know if I should go. Will I finalise this chapter or open up a million new thoughts and questions. I don’t think my Dad would even want me to go but I feel I can’t let my Mum and Brother go alone. Do I owe it to Dad to go? Then what if in a few years when his passing sinks in I have questions that only the inquest can answer…

Has everyone been in this situation?
Thank you

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad in such a sudden and shocking way. It is common for the anniversary of the death to be a particularly difficult time, and it sounds having the inquest coming up is making things particularly difficult.

I’m glad you’ve found this site, and I hope that you get some helpful replies from people who’ve been through similar experiences. @HelenL has mentioned in this recent post that there was an inquest into her mum’s death - I’m tagging her here in case she has any insight to share.

We also had this post a few months ago from @Randomhero about going to the inquest into their father’s death: Missing my father.

Hello R
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad and under such tragic circumstances. I lost my lovely Mum in May of this year after she had a fall in her home. Because she died of a head injury there had to be an inquest into her death. In my Mum’s case there weren’t any questions to be asked really. It was a very straight forward case. I found all the people at the Coroner’s Office very kind and helpful. I had to give a statement (over the phone) about my Mother which I found difficult but it also meant that there was a written record of her as a person. If I had had any concerns about her treatment after her accident this would have been a good opportunity to voice them. However in my Mother’s case I only had praise for all the wonderful people who cared for her in hospital. I decided not to go to the inquest because I didn’t think there was anything to be gained by going. I knew my Mum would not have wanted it and as nobody else from my family would be going it wasn’t a matter of supporting some else.
I know it such a hard decision to make and the inquest is the time to bring up any questions if you have them. It is very difficult hearing all the details again and when I was sent the final Coroner’s statement about my Mum it was even upsetting just reading it as it seems so cold and clinical, which is what it has to be, but it brings all the heartache back again.
I 'm sorry R as I don’t think I have been much help to you, but I do hope that you are able to make the right decision for you and your family.
With kind wishes

Thank you Helen, you have been helpful. We don’t know many details - at the moment I don’t want to know… but maybe in 5 or 10 years time I’ll have questions that only tomorrow can answer. The inquest is tomorrow at 2pm, just me, my Mum and Brother are going. I’m going to be strong and make Dad proud. Take care, Rx

Hi Rn, you’re correct, you might not want to go tomorrow but there might be questions you wish you had asked years later, so it is probably a good choice to go, as difficult as it might well be. I hope the day goes ok.

Dear R
Thank you so much for getting in touch. You are so brave and I do hope the inquest gives you and your family answers and perhaps some closure. I am sure that your Mum and Brother will appreciate that you will be with them and your Dad would be so proud of you. I will be thinking of you tomorrow afternoon…
With love Helen x