Hi ,
had such a shitty day ( as they all are, but some seem so much worse than others don’t they? sadly today was one of those for me ) I’ve been living with grief for my daughter for so long I keep getting mixed up , I feel like it’s my normal grief, for my sweet girl then remember it’s not it’s a new a lightening bolt I’m so so sad.
I’m so sorry for all of you too, dear rach25 you’ve suffered so much through the death of your mum and grandmother how shocking and unfair you must now suffer the loss of your dear boy, as mine, so very young Its so so unfair.
Then Beth , your son had already suffered through his mental health and the system that’s Appears so Inadequate to Help people In his situation, I always felt I was fighting with the system when my daughter was alive trying to get her equipment That she needed and the support at school, it seems so wrong when you are just trying to survive to have that added burden ,
and lizzyb too, the loss of your son it’s just unbearable, I can’t believe I’m writing on this site , I just want it all to go away , I think of you all , when I’m out and watching a supposedly ‘ normal World ‘ people going about their lives ( although none of us know what burdens they are carrying) I remind myself about all of you and the pain you are all carrying , as I am and sadly it keeps me going, knowing I’m not the only one none of us want to be here I know, but sadly we are, sending a big hug to you all And hoping we all find some sort of peace xxx
Thank you for your message.
I hope you find peace.
Kind regards.
Beth. Xx
Not ungrateful at all, I feel the exact same 
Take care xx
Jayne2 thank you for your lovely heartfelt message. As you say we all wish we weren’t on this site but you are all a lifeline really helping me not feel so alone. I’m so so sorry today has been a particularly bad day. Hoping & praying tomorrow brings a slightly better day for you & all of us.
Sending love and strength to you all & I hope all of our beautiful children are looking out for each other in paradise x
I lost my son age 29 on 20/10/20.he had just had his birthday.had everything to live for his work his 8yr old daughter.i still can’t come to terms with it and can’t see a way forward sinking deeper and deeper into depression.
So sorry for your loss. It’s so dreadful.
I really don’t know what to say. My son is the first person I think of when I wake and the last person on my mind when I go to sleep. He is on my mind all day…what can I have done, why didn’t I understand.
All these things go through my mind. I don’t have any answers…
But your special, you need to be strong.
Beth.xx
I am so sorry for you pain . I lost my son in June . At times it’s unbearable and with Christmas looming it really doesn’t help . When I’ve been at my worst I’ve wrote a letter to my son, I just got everything out on paper . I just fold it up and put it under my mattress . Everyone is different I hope you find some way through . My thoughts are with you x
That’s a good idea…
Take care.
Beth. Xx
Hello Everyone, I am so sorry for the loss of your children. I lost my youngest child, my son three months ago on my 60 birthday. He was only 22 years old. He was fine one week, got sick and was gone the next. I do not know how to get up off of my knees. I am crippled with pain. He was not only my son, he was one of the best friends anyone could have. I just want my boy back.
Dear Jacqueline,
I an so sorry for the loss of your son I also lost my 2 and half years ago and he was 22, I am so sorry you have had to join us on this awful journey I do hope you have other family members and friends to support you especially now as you are facing your first Christmas without him, there is so much support on the site from patents and we all know how you feel and will help you with your grief, go on the loss of a child and look for the heading lost my son age 27 there are a lot of us on there and you will get the support you need, take care my friend and know we are all here for you now and that you’re precious son is always with you 
Sending much love Michelle xxx
Hi Michelle , how are you ?I see you are having trouble sleeping to. I always come on here when I can’t sleep and feeling down, I thought I was the only one tonight and feeling lonely. Christmas is making it so much more difficult isn’t it, I am trying to ignore it but I saw on a tree in Asda today a sign saying 8 more sleeps. Oh dear I used to count the days for it now I dread it, first one without my boy and his birthday to.
Love jss x
Hello Jaqueline 3 it’s just beyond pain what you are going through so sorry you found yourself on this awful journey but so glad you found this site , it has been so helpful to me and I hope it is for you. I also lost my youngest son suddenly and found the thread Michelle has mentioned “ lost my son age 27” very helpful. These feelings we could never have imagined, all consuming and overwhelming . Feelings that only those who have experienced such a loss can understand. I found it hard enough just to keep breathing in the beginning. You will find much kindness and support here. Keep posting and reading other people’s posts. We are all with you .
Take care jss x
Hello Michelle and Jss,
I am so sorry to both of you for the loss of your sons, Thank you for reaching out, I have been so lost. my oldest child had come home for a little to help her father and I and she has been a big comfort but the emptiness and pain I feel inside is unbearable. I have always been a fighter when life gets tough but I am crippled and broken. The house just screams silence. My boy could make me laugh like no other person. Crying is my most common activity. How do I live the rest of my life without my boy, one of my precious children? I had infertility problems and was blessed finally with three beautiful children and now my baby has been taken. The realization feels like I have fallen into an endless pit of torture with no way out.
I am so broken,
Jacqueline 3
Dear Jss,
Bless you for reaching out to others when you are also in such pain, yes I struggle sleeping quite often , sending you a big hug and love to get you through the next couple of weeks 
keep posting as we are all here for you xxx
Dear Jacqueline,
My heart breaks for you, its hard to find the words but I know exactly how your feeling but you will somehow find the strength to keep going for the love of your other children and also the love you have for your precious son who will be with you always willing you to carry on, the pain will never leave you but as time goes by it is a bit more bearable, you have to keep busy so your mind is kept active, please go on the other post we mentioned as there are many of us, read some of the older posts when you can’t sleep as it does help to know you are not going mad and we all feel the same way, we can’t take this awful pain away but we can hold your hand and help you on this awful journey as we really know how you are feeling, sending you love and hugs my friend
Michelle xxxx
Dear Jacqueline3
I’m so sorry sorry you’ve lost your darling boy. 
I lost my younger son in October 2019…he was just 30 years old.
Don’t try and get through the rest of your life - just try an hour at a time. Rest, cry, scream, walk, talk about him. Do whatever gets you through.
I meditate- it’s literally saved me. I use the Headspace app. Just concentrating on your breathing can bring the overwhelming feelings of panic and grief under control.
We here understand and if we could take your pain away we would…we all share our feelings and believe it or not you find a way to cope…but it takes time. Be kind to yourself my friend.
Love and hugs
Purple x
Thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement. I have been screaming and crying and sobbing for three and a half months. I just want my Garrett to come home. I know he cant but it does not change how I feel. I miss him so much. My Mum and siblings keep telling me to get myself together… this is my baby boy… He was fine one week and gone the next. I am broken and hollow. I was with him when he passed… He told me he didn’t want to die… I told him he wouldn’t and I was bringing him home… I broke my promise… How do I live with that… It is eating me up inside. I love my Garrett with every fiber of my being… I broke my promise to my boy…
Jacqueline3
I am so sorry for all of your lost children… my heart beats for all of you…
Jacqueline 3
We all feel guilt around our children going in before us.
Spend hours going over conversations…events…what ifs…why didn’t I do this…why did I do this…it’s an awful vicious circle.
You loved Garrett and you always will. He will have known he was loved. You didn’t fail him …but I know how it feels to think you did. Please be kind to yourself.
It’s very early days and Christmas is so hard for us with our children who’ve gone on ahead.
Sending love
Purple
Dear Purple,
I miss him so much, Garrett is the first on my mind in the morning and the last at night before I manage to fall asleep and every moment in between. His wonderful sisters have both left home and my husband has always worked long hours… We did everything together. I lost my son and one of the best friends anyone could have. I am so lost. Thank you, I know what if’s are useless but I keep seeing his precious face as he told me that.
Love,
Jacqueline3