@Jessica1231 I see your comment about maybe hope, which struck a chord. That’s the thing, as for me, there is no hope… but maybe one day that will change - its why I come here every morning.
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@Sandra7 I’d like to think that there would be hope at some stage - but I’m 11 weeks from losing the love of my life, and I’m beginning to understand that this is going to get worse as the shock wears off before it may perhaps ease…?
AHH bless you love that’s not very supportive or understanding is it. He should be supporting you instead of saying hurtful things. Sending you hugs XX shellyanne XX 
Oh Dennis i am sorry you lost your love - I feel the same right now - I lost the love of my life, my husband of almost 30 years - just u see 4 weeks ago.
And right now it’s just wake, despair, cry, walk the dog, come home , house so,empty, cry , try to meet a friend , come home, house is empty , miss him , cry , repeat.
Every day is as bad as the one before
But to talk on here is something we can do - as we are all in the same boat - how do you try to fill the days?
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Dear Sandra, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 20 months ago in an accident. We didn’t have any children either and all my family live abroad. I so understand you and feel for you. Like you, I have friends but at the end of the day you’re on your own. I’ve cried buckets and still occasionally do. When Steve died I felt so lost and didn’t know what to do with myself. The loneliness was unbearable and there were many times when I didn’t want to be here anymore. I couldn’t take it in that he was no longer there after being together for 40 years.
I had counselling via Sue Ryder and it was helpful but when the sessions ended the grief took over again. I also rang the Samaritains frequently when I needed to unburden myself. Talking to somebody about your feelings and emotions is very important. I didn’t want to burden family and friends so I looked out for other widows/widowers who would understand where I was coming from. Also a lot of my friends are single for various reasons.
Are there any bereavement groups where you live? I also threw myself into voluntary work. Just couldn’t stand being on my own.
Twenty months on things have got better. But the loneliness is always there. There are a lot of good books on that subject and I am getting used to being on my own; even like it sometimes.
You’re only three weeks on this horrible journey and the grief will be consuming you. Cry as much as you want and be good to yourself. I know Steve wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad for a long time. Life has to go on, we have no choice but to battle on. I’m thinking of you and sending you a big hug. You can always pm me if you want to. Xx
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@Sandra7 Its hard - as you saw on my post this morning, I don’t know how to deal with it. But, I’m getting the idea to just go out - anywhere, do anything - just to divert my brain, and ignore the psychiatrist. Hope that works (ie least worst) for you too…
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Hi Sandra. So sorry for your loss. I have been on this roller coaster of emotion since my wife died in February. She would not want me to be drowning in my grief so I do anything to keep busy. I talk to her photo all the while and as hard as it is we have to keep going. As everyone says on here, you do not get over it but learn to live along side it. You are not alone, this site has helped me through some very dark days.
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Hi Sandra7,
Grief affects people in different ways. When you expect to be with a person and grow old gracefully together, a loss like this is hard to fathom and explain. It is a matter of taking each day as it comes and not expect too much. I have very fond memories of my partner and not a day goes by without a song, an image or memory reminding me of her. Be kind to yourself and see where life takes you. Huge hugs.
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Its been 5 years for me since my wife died, and although I know it’s no comfort, I still feelthe same as you. It never gets better. Dont get me wrong, most of my current acquaintances are female friends of my ex wife. Reminders are always there but I havent got the courage to break out and start a new chapter in my life
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Hi Rita - I am sorry you lost your husband too but thank you for replying - and sharing how you have been coping
Something you said really struck a chord - that you couldn’t take it in that he actually wasn’t there anymore after all those years - I keep,crying out in despair “where are you ?” Of course I know he has died but my brain and heart don’t want to accept that and I am searching for him all the time, wanting what is now impossible. Wishing for just 5 minutes of our old life where he was always there - just sat next to me or if I was out I would be seeing him as soon as I got home etc.
I know we have no choice but to carry on and like you Martin would not have wanted me to spend the rest of my life in extreme sadness - I certainly wouldn’t have wanted that for him. But it’s so hard at this stage
I have joined one bereavement group which meets twice a month so will give it a go. And I am seeking bereavement counselling too. And I am trying to see a friend a day so I have a plan for each day and something to get up for
Have also wondered about some voluntary work - although I already have a job (technical,stuff in an office though - so not the sort of thing that gives me a purpose or an interest and I am on special leave now for a couple of. Months )
Thank you for all the thoughts x
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Hi Dennis - yes I am finding I need to go out and do,something - have some sort of plan for,the day - even if it’s just meeting a friend for a few hours - it gives some purpose and focus
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Thanks Jeff and sorry to,hear you lost your wife in February
I will try my best as like you I know my husband would not want me to drown in grief for ever.
I am trying to take each day in small pieces and make sure I have something to do for at least part of it and people to,see.
I just hope it’s not always like this
I do think this site is a good thing and to be able to talk like this with others going through the same thing is helpful
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Oh Shelleyanne I can’t imagine the grief you are going through after losing your lovely daughter. I lost my husband 16 months ago and it seems like yesterday. I can remember my mum when we lost my brother - he was six and got knocked down outside his school - she never really got over it, I guess you don’t you just learn to live with it.
My heart goes out to you.
Georgina xx
@Sandra7
Reading your post this morning is quite positive. I wish I had a job as my role of employment went when my husband died (long story and very sad) I just cannot get motivated even to see friends I find I am recoiling and not wanting to go out at all. I just do not want to go on another day and pray not to wake up every day. I used to love the garden but cannot go out there as that was the last place I saw him fit and well telling him not to go to the farm and just sit with me for the afternoon but on he went I kiss his photo every day and just wish the day to be over we had no friends and I have no family just the dogs which I have to keep going for. I feel sometimes I had better not come on this forum as I never have anything positive to say but need to talk to someone.
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Hi Jessica1231
I am so sorry that you feel so low. I could actually cry reading your post as I find it so emotional. Keep posting on here because you need to get your feelings out, whether positive or negative.
Take care.x
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Dear Jessica,
I’m sorry you are feeling so low, believe me I have put many negative posts on this forum, people here understand and want to help.
I’m not sure how far you are into this journey, I am 9 months and in the early days I felt the same as you, my wonderful soulmate died very suddenly and we had no children, my family are over a hundred miles away, so it’s just me and our dogs now.
It’s so difficult and there have been many times when I’ve not wanted to go on.
Please keep posting on here, I don’t think it’s got any easier but I do feel I have found strength to keep going from somewhere the thing that gets me through is the hope that Pete would be proud of how I’ve coped.
I miss him so much and am heartbroken but I know he would not want me to spend the rest of my life being so sad and in despair.
I know that if the tables were turned he would have coped much better than me.
I don’t believe in God but I do hope that one day I will be reunited with him wherever he is.
Sending you a hug
Muldool
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Dear Jessica, don’t feel bad about posting your feelings on this site. We all understand you. Believe me, I’ve been there myself. It’s important for you to let it all out. I made the mistake to bottle things up so as not to inconvenience family and friends. The Samaritans were amazing! They don’t give advice but listen and encourage you to pour your heart out. I always felt relief after yet another call to them. I found this website which you might find useful. https://wearesololiving.com/coping-with-grief-and-bereavement-while-living-alone/
Take care of yourself. Do whatever makes you feel good. Thinking of you xxx
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@Muldool @Rita2. This is not going to sound to good my partner was with me the whole time we worked together and when I went anywhere he used ring me several times. I loved him to bits so this was normal but when people say he would want you to go no and be happy that is not true for me he always wanted us to go together which was impossible. But could not except for me to go on without him and always said I do not want anyone filling my place. I do not know if others have experienced this but the pain of loosing him is killing me slowly.
Jessica
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I find this site very helpful, it’s good to know you are not alone, there are other people feeling the same emotions.
It occurred to me last night that grief is not the only thing we share. Most, if not all, people posting have had the tremendous good fortune to have had really happy marriages to amazing partners, leaving us feeling totally lost and empty when we lose them. I had 12 wonderful years with the best husband, and a friend said to me “ you have had more happiness in 12 years than some people have in a lifetime” . So true. It doesn’t make the grief go away, but maybe we should all take some time each day to remember the happy times, even in the middle of gut wrenching sadness.
Sending love and strength to all xx
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Poor Sandra, I feel for you, it’s hell.
I don’t know if I can agree with some of the replies here that say it will get better, I’m over a year down the line now and its honestly no better, I’m just getting more used to the ‘new normal’ . And I’m afraid its a shitty place, where the rest of the world is carrying on but all of the colour has drained out of it.
If I have one suggestion to make, which has sort of worked for me, its to throw yourself into as many activities (clubs, volunteering whatever) where others are expecting you to be there, as that will help to motivate you to get out of bed in the mornings.
And if you’re anything like me, after several months you’ll realise how exhausting it is and you’ll start to cut down a bit and can actually enjoy the rest periods… when at the beginning it was too painful to allow myself time to think.
Oh and one more thing… Your good friends will feel awkward and not know how much to talk about your partner. For me that was terrible, I really had to ask them to carry on mentioning her, so she wasn’t ‘forgotten’.
I hope those may help just a little with your journey.
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